The Creatures in the Wood

The Creatures in the Wood

A Chapter by lightningoddess
"

First Chapter in a book I hope to write about ancient ones and the power to either save or destroy the world.

"

      I have always had odd dreams. Normally I would think nothing of them, but last night was different. Last night I could remember everything perfectly, and I could feel everything. Usually in dreams you can't feel anything, but I can still remember its cold touch. Its breathing on my sweaty neck. I suppose I should start at the beginning, when I first went into the Forbidden Woods. So that is where you will really see me for the first time.

      I was walking along one of the dirt trails that led to the cabin where my father grew up, and quietly singing to myself a little tune my father taught me. It goes like this, "Sing softly to your elders whom you should respect, Whisper sweetly to your young men and women, Laugh with the spirits who live in the woods, For soon you will find value in these words." It was a song I knew by heart and it used to haunt me when I was a little girl. But I have grown to enjoy its soothing melody and its cryptic words. Anyway, while I was walking and singing, I noticed a side trail mostly hidden by overgrowth. I think the only reason I had noticed it at all was because there was a faint sound, but a sound nontheless, coming from a little ways up the trail. Like an idiot, I got curious and went down the dirt path to investigate.

      As I grew closer to the boulders at the end of the trail I heard what sounded like whispered chanting from a crevice between the rocks. It interested me and, the closer I grew to the boulders, the more I could make out of what they were saying. Not that hearing it clearly made it any clearer to understand. It sounded like gibberish to me. Maybe some obscure foreign language, I thought. Whatever it was, it was creeping me out so I decided to turn back. But it was already to late. The creatures in the rocks had already heard me, and were circling in from every side. Just as I turned around I saw them.

      With eyes like living flames and fangs that jutted out from their misshapen mouths, I immediately thought vampires! However just as quickly as the thought entered my mind I dismissed it. A brief glance at the rest of their bodies told me a completely different story. Lions' bodies, scorpions' tail dripping with venom, 2 taloned front feet with a gold circlet around each one, and 6 eyes on each hideous face staring at me. Needless to say it terrified me enough to freeze me to one piece of ground about 3 inches wide. Then they began to speak. It was a very weird sensation, the sounds made. Focusing in on the words it hurt your ears, but if you just listened to it like background noise, it calmed you like the ocean's call. However, I was jolted out of my trance by a noise, like a rifle shot, behind me.

      l immediatly turned around and the creatures scattered. I grew even more terrified when I heard the scream resounding through the woods and coming closer to me. I stayed where I was out of fear for my life. Suddenly, my Father, sweaty and bleeding was standing there, uttering gutteral, unearthly sounds as if to scare away the creatures. Thankfully, it worked. I just stood there stupidly in shock. My father was saying something but I tuned him out. At that point I let him lead me back to the main trail and to his cabin in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by God knows what sort of creatures.

     

     

 



© 2011 lightningoddess


Author's Note

lightningoddess
This is what I hope will be the beginning of a good book, or possibly even a trilogy. I have high hopes for this and any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

My Review

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Reviews

Interesting premise. You might want to think of a different name for the forest though (considering the popularity of a certain other series). I don't know if your going for a certain style here but the writing comes off a little too informal to me. A few things I'd change:
normally I think nothing of them (get rid of would)
quietly singing (don't need "to myself")
get rid of "it goes like this" and separate the song out from the text and put it in italics
get rid of "anyway"
Get rid of all the "I think"s maybe say:
while I was walking and singing, I heard a faint sound coming from a little ways up the trail. Turning to look for the origin of the sound (murmuring? singing? maybe descirbe it a bit here) I noticed a side trail mostly hidden by overgrowth. Curiosity got the best of me so, like an idiot, I went down the dirt path to investigate.
As I GOT closer...
From the slight description above about the sound maybe say:
What I thought was singing was actually whispered chanting coming from a crevice...
It interested me - show don't tell
not that hearing it clearly...(this sentence needs a little working on)
already too late (not "to)
Really nice description of the monsters
"Needless to say..." sentence needs revising perhaps say something like:
The sight of the monstrosities froze me in place. I couldn't move a single muscle.
Instead of saying "then they began to speak" maybe say:
Suddenly I felt (describe the weird sensation a little here like: a rumbling deep within my heart or something like that).
"I immediately turned..." I'd reverse this sentence so it's "The creatures scattered and I immediately turned around."
you don't need to capitalize father
"my father was saying something but I tuned him out" - why? if it's because of shock I'd say: "I couldn't hear any of the words my father was saying over my pounding heart."

Sorry for such a long review but I figure a lot of feedback never hurts. I'm definitely interested in reading more of the story! Keep it up!


Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on June 8, 2011
Last Updated on June 8, 2011
Tags: Science Fiction, Fantasy, Fiction


Author

lightningoddess
lightningoddess

Griffith, IN



About
I am 16, and in love with poetry, singing, quotes, drawing and photography. Basically anything creative I like. I started writing poetry the end of my freshman year, and i just finished my junior year.. more..

Writing
Grashben Grashben

A Chapter by lightningoddess