Forgive Me O Lord

Hewbrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”[

       

Forgive Me O lord

 

 So here I was again. I was kneeling down at my knees and my face was full of tears. I prayed to him hoping he was listening. Hoping that he had not tuned me out by now. That he was still the loving and forgiving God that everybody said he was. My mother was on her deathbed; she was dying by the second.

I had always loved my mother. She had raised me alone and would give up all the money in the world for me. She taught me about how to be man, relationships, and money. She was like a mother and a father to me. I now realized that I was a terrible child to my mother. I put her through so much stress. While I was out on the streets with different women and doing my own thing; my mother was lying at home needing help and worried sick about. No mother should have had to sit at home sick and worry about what her only son is doing or if he is dead or alive.

 Was this my punishment for being a bad son? Was God sick of what I was doing and decided to give me a wakeup call that its time for things to change. This is what I felt this is what I felt. This is what I was thinking. That’s why I fell to my knees and started to pray and ask forgiveness for what I have been doing. I thought it would bring my mother back to health. But this wasn't the first time I had begged the Lord for forgiveness. This was about the tenth in the last year. Every time I prayed to him I would go back and do the same thing I was doing before. So by now I felt that God didn't want to hear a word I had to say. I had to give this one last try. I needed my mom; I would go crazy without her.

 "Lord. It’s me again. I stand before you again full of sin and evil. Lord I need you to renew me. Get these evil thoughts out of my head; there making me doing things I don’t want to do. Lord. I give up. I'm tired of doing the evil things I do. The things that make you frown. In whatever decision you make with mother tonight. I want you to know that from here to the day I die; I will always be a follower of you. For I accept you son Jesus Christ into my life Lord God; and I believe that he had died on the cross for my sins."

At that moment I felt a spirit come among me. It was a peaceful spirit. It gave me a feeling that lifted my hands toward the sky and began to praise the Lord. I knew now that had God had heard every word I had said and I was now a part of his kingdom and not the streets. But also at that moment I heard a noise. It was a noise that I will remember forever. It was like a long beep kind of noise. I looked to see where the noise was coming from.

She was gone. My mother was dead. She went on to be with the Lord. That is where she belonged. No more pain and suffering and worrying herself to death about me and what I was doing. It’s time for her to get some rest and earth wasn't the place for a good long rest from 64 years of sacrifice, hardworking, and giving everything you got inside to the whole world. My mother lived a beautiful life. It was selfish of me to want to keep her here on earth where she would continue to suffer.

The bible says that the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you. No matter who we are or what we have done the Lord will always be there to hear what you have to say. He is the Lord god all mighty; and I shall sing praises to him forever and ever.

 

 ^{Hebrews 13:5}

   Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said,

“Never will I leave you;
never will I forsake you.”^[a]

 

Reviews

[Black Raven]

Your writing was very detailed and true. I felt for him and wanted to cry. It's true you never know what your missing till it's gone. As my grandmother says the lord never puts so much of a burden on you in a situation that you cannot handle. That he's testing you.

[Junert]

Amen. The Lord is ever merciful and kind. He love sinners but hate sin, should we raid ourselves of our sins He's ever willing to take us back.

[Talal Hussain]

Very touching...