Chapter 2

January 7, 2013

 

Schooled returned back into session today. It was good to see all my friends and hear the cool things they got for Christmas. It’s funny because I got things ten times better than them but my mom will never let me tell them because she sees it as showing off. I like hanging out with my friends though; especially at lunch; we all talk a bunch of non-sense about what have been doing or what we are about to do. But I tend to stay close to them and try to have a social life because it is very boring being an only child with no dad and no friends.

When I got to school the first friend I searched for was one of my closest friends Lamone. He of course showed up in the most expensive outfit you would ever see. I know for a fact that one day he’s going to get himself robbed. He showed me his new 400 dollar phone with his new car that his dad bought him foe Christmas. It was a brand new 2013 BMW. He can’t even drive yet; why would his dad go out and buy him a new car? That’s the kind of crap I’m talking about. Why is he so rich? He literally gets whatever he wants; and people say I’m the one that’s spoiled because I’m the only child.

It’s probably because of his dad; his dad is super successful. He has literally done everything you can imagine. He’s a dean of a college; a bestselling book author, he even has his P.H.D.

It makes me mad because Lamone always complain about his dad and how strict he is; but he does not know what I would to trade lives with him. If I could just experience for one day what his life is like.

 Yes I admit it; I’m jealous of him; but I have reason too. People just really don’t know how hard it is without a dad.

But I can’t go on with my life by trying to live somebody else. Lamone has his life and I have mine. It’s like that card thing I was talking about; it just so happens that Lamone has been dealt better cards than me. Can I complain about it? Yes. Is that going to change anything? No. Is it fair? Of course not. But that’s the way life is, it’s never fair.

So after I got tired of Lamone talking about how great his Christmas break went I saw my other friend Malik in the hallway. Immediately I started to crack up laughing because I knew he was about to have something ignorant to say. He always does. He always is trying to live that thug life but he doesn’t have the heart for it; he is way too nice. He’s always talking what he would if somebody did this or that to him. But we all know that Steven is all talk so we don’t pay much attention to him.

Malik and I have the same story though; we both have Dads that don’t really care about us. Except his dad is a true thug. They said his dad has actually killed people before. My dad would probably kill somebody but he wouldn’t be able to live with it. Malik and I rarely talk about our dads but we both know that we are dealing with the same thing.  That’s probably why we talk so much. It’s weird because I kind of admire Steven; he has heart. When I say he has heart I mean he’s not really scared of anybody or anything; but when I say he doesn’t have the heart for the thug life he I mean that he would probably never kill anybody; he would more than likely be scared. He’s not scared of anybody and he keeps his head up and stays strong even though he really is going through some stuff.

It was good to see my friend Jay too. He knows how to make somebody laugh in a heartbeat I knew him in preschool but then we went to different schools till we met up again in ninth grade. It’s kind of weird because it’s kind of like we were forced to be friends. Both of our moms are good friends so we always see each other now. But he is nothing like Lamone or Malik. He’s not cocky and he is not trying to be a gangbanger. He’s just Jay. He’s the loyal kind too. He’s kind of dude that I could trust if I ever got rich. I know he will be the type of person that will have my back. That’s more of the friends that I need. I need friends that will have my back at all times. I mean Malik does seem kind of loyal he just doesn’t use his head a lot. He thinks at the moment and he acts out in order to impress other people. I keep telling Malik that that’s the kind of crap that’s going to get him killed. But he just does this stupid laugh and says that he wants to go out like Tupac. He is so ignorant and stupid.

But everything at school was great today until I saw the girl that is making my life a living nightmare. Alaina Jefferson. Since my freshman year this girl has done whatever possible to make my life as terrible as she can. When I say that this girl hates me that means that this girl would be glad to see me dead. What is her problem? What did I do to make this girl hate me as much as she does? She lies on me, flips me off in the hallway, and even one time she tried to get my friend to fight me. MY OWN FRIEND!

This whole conflict started my freshman year when she started to spread lies about me; saying that I was calling her phone and coming to her house trying to talk her. She gathered up her and a couple of her friends to tell her Uncle that I was supposedly following her to class and try to talk to her.

Now what kind of crap is that! If I was going to stalk anybody I would stalk somebody who was actually pretty. I mean she really felt as if I liked her. Some people tell me that I do have a crush on her but I just respond by saying that they’re a sick human.

It came to the point where Alaina was telling the teachers about what was going and the teachers would confront me on what she said. Malik said he would have slapped her by now but that’s common for something that ignorant to come out of Maliks mouth. Trust me I do think about doing it though; sometimes I wish I could give her that bus driver uppercut but it’s not worth it, not yet. This girl has gone too far. She even sent her punk nerdy friends to come and confront me but that’s when I just set it off, I told them to step out of my face my I have to get my bro Malik to lay everybody out. Malik  was ready to fight  too; I don’t know why; he knows he wasn’t going to really do anything so why would he even act like that. But he sure did scare those nerds out of my face. That’s why I hang with Malik; he got heart too bad he can’t do anything with it.

But unfortunately I was confronted by the police the next day because Alaina told her Uncle on me. It’s a long story on Alaina and her family; there are different stories but I heard her parents are dead so now she lives with her Uncle. Her uncles name is Kenny Jackson. He is the president of the San Bernardino Education department. So I guess you can say he has a lot of power over the San Bernardino school system and how it is ran. I’m not scared of him though, he tries to intimidate me but why would I be scared of him? He just better keep that funny looking neice of his away from me before I treat her like she deserves to be treated. I’m trying to keep her cool but this girl has taken my niceness for a weakness and now she has just crossed the line.

So anyways as I was saying the police came and talk to me and tried to question me about what happened between me and those two geeks the day before. I told them that they were the one that came and confronted me about how Alaina wants me to leave her alone. But the police didn’t want to hear it. They basically said for me to keep away from Alaina and keep her name out of my mouth. I told them okay and they went on with their day.

See here’s my problem. I never did anything. You got this stupid insecure little black girl who thinks she is better than everybody because her Uncle has a little power. That’s our problem with this society; people strive so much to get power and then when they do get power they lose their mind. That’s why power isn’t for everybody. Some people can’t handle it. I myself wouldn’t even be able to handle it. I’m pretty sure I would let it get to my head. Alaina needs to realize that she can’t run to her Uncle forever; eventually she has to face her problem face to face. Who does she think her Uncle is anyway; the President of the United States? He is the president of the education school board and he has no more power beyond that. That’s why he doesn’t intimidate me; it’s not like he can send me to jail or anything. He just needs to stay in his place and remember who he is and not go overhead with it.

Alaina is the kind of person that will beat society at and life at its own game. Because she has been dealt some pretty good cards in life and she knows how to use them and she does use them. She knows her Uncle has power over a certain area and I just happen to be in a certain area. So she abuses the power to do what she wants; and now because of who her Uncle is; whenever I see Alaina I have to turn the other way. If it was any other girl that had this issue with me or any other boy; they would’ve told her to get over it. Because these Vice Principals and teachers are scared to say something and tell Kenny Jackson that this is wrong about how he is treating me when his daughter is the one that was wrong. They just do as their told because they know that Mr. Jackson is the one who has say over their paycheck. That’s how power is viewed in our society today, the more power you have the more respect you have.

I feel as though the conflict between Alaina and I isn’t going to end well. She’s going to do something or I’m going to do something that is going to cause a big mess.. A bigger mess then it already is now. But I’m not scared of Alaina. I don’t she is scared of me either. If she wants to play a games with my life then let’s play it. I can do low down dirty stuff too; and that’s exactly what I plan to do.

 

 

January 15, 2013

 

Malik got arrested today. It was weird because I was mad and wanted to crack up laughing at the same time. I knew why he had got arrested. The period before he had told off the teacher and threatened her before he left the class room. It was all because Malik had to use the bathroom and when he asked the teacher she said he has to wait for the bell to ring. So that’s when Malik felt it was okay to tell the teacher that he was going to ring her bell if she doesn’t let him use the bathroom. So as soon as Malik ran out the classroom the teacher called the cops on him and few minutes later that’s when the cops came barging in our classroom looking for a boy named Malik Jones.

As soon as the cops came in Malik jumped out of his desk and tried to make a run for. Where was he going?! There’s only one door and the cops are in the way of it. He is so retarted! But that’s what cracks me up about Malik; all that heart and courage but no brain in his head.

So immediately the cops ran to Malik and slammed him face first into the ground. I felt as if that was totally uncalled for. After that they pulled him up and stripped searched Malik in front of everybody and made him pull down his pants. He looked so embarrassed the searched into his underwear and his pants pockets. Why would they just publicly humiliate Steven like that? They treated him as if he was an actual criminal. The police are just out of line now days. This is what I’m talking about when I say that the police feel as if they are above the law.

So once the police was done making a fool of Malik they made him pull up his pants and put his hands behind his back so they can handcuffed him. But that’s when Malik started to tear up and cry! I almost felt bad for him but he deserved what was happening to him. He started kicking and screaming and banging his fake hood talking about he about get all of Compton and Watts on the police. This was the funny part. He sounded so stupid; he knows good and well that he doesn’t even know where the city of Watts is.

I have to admit I got scared when Malik started acting up and being stupid in front of the police. I thought they were going to act stupid back and try to shoot him or something. I don’t think I would be able to handle it watching my best friend die by the hands of the police. I just prayed in my head that Malik senses would come to him before the police put him in his place.

What is the matter with Malik? Is he stupid? Here’s the first mistake he made; why did he tell the teacher that he was going to ring her bell? He needs to realize that people are scared now days. Once you say something that scares somebody; especially in a public place; there’s no way you can take it back. But I feel as if people also need to take a look at that teacher; did she really feel threatened by a tenth grader? Did she really think that a 15 year old black kid was going to snap her neck because she didn’t let him use the bathroom? She needs to grow up because she has some for real maturity issues. But that doesn’t excuse Steven for what he did. He just needs to know that people are scared now days and that there is a time and a place for everything.

The second dumb thing he was try to run from the two officers.  He was asking for what the police did to him. Even though it was really uncalled for them to slam his face into the ground and pull down his pants. They didn’t into need to do all that. It just made me mad because nobody said anything when they made him pull his pants down. He looked as if he was going to cry. They couldn’t take him outside and do it or something? If these were white boys the police wouldn’t even do all this? But then again there are no white boys at my school. But still, nobody had get to say something and stand up for Malik. They all just sat there and let it happen. But why didn’t I say something? He was supposed to be my best friend; he’s like a brother to me. I was probably scared too. They were already mad with one black boy; why would I want to pitch in on their anger. I feel like such a punk because I know Malik would of stepped up for me.

The third thing Malik did that was stupid was acting like a buck wild while the police was trying to handcuff him. They could have shot him or tazed him or something. The police are just leaving no mercy now. They’re trying to find the reason to shoot a black kid on these streets now days. Why does Malik tries so hard to be like these people on the streets? That’s only going to get his cocky but killed. Either by the police or some other crazy person on the streets. But Malik is not about to listen to anybody. He’s the kind that has to learn the hard way. I’m sure he is someday. I bet money he is.

I’m worried about Malik. I wouldn’t say that he has become a victim of this world yet but he’s getting there. I don’t know how long he’ll be in jail but I’m pretty sure he won’t be in there long. He’s only a minor. I just can’t imagine Malik Jones going to JUVY. He would get jumped on the first day he’s in there with his big mouth and his want to be hard ways.

 I guess I just have to pray; but who am I to ask God for anything? Why would God want to hear what I have to say? I and all of San Bernardino have disappointed him. So why am I worth listening to? I’m sure he has forgotten about me and all of San Bernardino; I wouldn’t pay any attention to San Bernardino either, it’s not like anything good is about to come out of here. People say I’m just talking ignorance but where is God out here in this wrecked city?  Is he in the jails where tons of black males are getting locked up every day? Is he on the street where the prostitutes are, where homeless people live and young kids are getting killed all because of a stupid color they are wearing? Is he in the school system where the students are dropping out and getting pregnant at rapid rate? Where is he? Where are you God? I need you.

 

January 19, 2013

 

School is getting starting to get very stressful as usual. Still No sign of Steven; he must be still in jail. Lord knows what’s happening to him in there. The homework is stress full as ever and Lamone is getting on my last nerves, but at least Jay is still being Jay.

So I guess you can say life is normal.

It’s time like this where I miss Malinda. She is the only one that seems to make sense out of everything in this world. I wish we went to the same school together; she makes everything seem so perfect. Shem gives you hope that everything is going to be okay.

Plus it would make Alaina furious to see Malinda and I together; and Lord knows how I would love to get revenge on her. I guess Alaina and Malinda are friends because they go to the same camp that Alainas auntie and uncle host every summer. Well maybe not friends but at least acquaintances. I just know that it would still make Alaina to see me talking to somebody she is friends or at least acquaintances with. After all, it is Alaina lifelong goal to have everybody hate me just because of the simple fact that she doesn’t like me.  But the camp that Alainas uncle host every summer is where I met Malinda; so I guess I kind of owe Alaina and her family one.

 It’s weird because many people would think that Alaina uncle would hate me as much as Alaina does. But for some odd reason he doesn’t; he actually really likes me. He had actually squashed everything between Alaina and me for a brief moment. I for a moment was going to .But then Alaina went to school the next day and accused me on trying to throw away her test. That girl is really something else.

Every summer Mr.Jackson has a camp in the mountains for young kids in San Bernardino that has a GPA of a 2.7 or above. Lamone goes every year, I’m not surprised by that; he has to get good grades because his dad doesn’t play that. Jay always goes so that’s makes it a little bit more fun. It would be cool if Malik went but Lord knows he aint got nowhere near a 2.7.  

I was actually really frustrated when I first arrived at the camp because I knew Alaina would be running her mouth to everybody and telling lies on how I’m supposedly obsessed with her. But all Alaina did was give me dirty looks and flip me off every once and a while. It actually kind of tickled me. It made me feel good that she was trying to get my attention that bad.  Her friends were actually getting to like me. I joked with them, played basketball with them, anything else that would make Alaina mad and furious. I enjoyed making her mad; she needed to feel a little bit of life of herself. You just can’t get your way all the time. Mr. Jackson told me her reaction when she found I was coming to the camp. She burst out in tears and was begging to please not let me come; but for some Mr. Jackson still allowed me to some. Maybe he saw the liar in Alaina. Maybe he knew who the true Alaina was; a liar and a manipulator.

I don’t know, I just know she needs to know how it feels for life to be unfair. It’s not fair that she has an uncle that can basically do whatever he wants and get away with it. Whatever he says people jump on it and do it right away. That must be some kind of power; people kiss your butt just because of the person you are and the position you hold. This is why I say that some people can’t handle power; it gets in over their head. Everything is perfect for Alaina. But I know somewhere deep inside is the true Alaina; the Alaina that is hidden when she is around her family. If I knew a way that I can show that side of Alaina.

But the rest of the camp was pretty relaxing once I was able to ignore Alaina. But it’s weird because when I think back on it I don’t remember noticing Malinda until I actually talked to her. When I first met her I thought she was older than she was. Even though she is still a year older than me she’s not the age that I thought she was. It’s weird because we never introduced ourselves to one another, nor did we talk before that, we just happened to be in the same room at the same time. I was watching some dumb TV show and she came up to me and started explaining to me what the tv show was about. I honestly didn’t care what the tv show was about; I was remarked by this beautiful girl that was talking to me that I had not noticed before.  She was so nice and classified about herself. It was the exact opposite of what I would expect out of a black girl.

See I had set my opinion on black girls before I met Malinda. In my head, they were all ghetto. They were all hood rats and people that were on the track to nowhere. Basically they were all victim of this society to me, these girls now days get too caught up in the life that that teaches that you are supposed to express yourself by showing off your body. Little do they know that that is giving them the wrong attenetion; I don’t know one boy my age that will like a girl because of who they are actually are and that girls wholes body is nearly showing because of the clothes she is wearing. I have to remind girls about boys my age; WE’RE ALL DOGS. That’s what we have been and that’s what we will always be. BUT, after a while we boys change into men and eventually we want a woman; but women don’t carry themselves around with their butt halfway hanging around now do they? I honestly find that very disgusting. COVER YOURSELF UP!!  It’s just so sad; these girls actually think they look cute. So many girls, so many innocent little girls have been raped, abused and even killed because of the clothes they are wearing and how they present themselves. If there was just somebody that would honestly tell them how they look maybe they would take a second look at themselves. Just maybe. What about their mothers and fathers? Maybe a boy telling them how they would look won’t help but what about another woman or girl? But when I see a girl dressed up like she some hooker I figure her mother does the same thing. I just want to know where this started to become acceptable. Because I know somewhere down the line women just didn’t dress like this. They had respect for themselves.

Victims. They’re all victims of this world. They let the world tell them how to run their life, and now because of that; because of what the media has produced to these women; we now have young girls getting killed, teenagers are getting snatched off the streets, women as a whole are being taken advantage of, but the media doesn’t even care; they’re just trying to make money; they can care less about how it’s affecting people. Our society is falling and they are blinded to see it because they are making money; and at the end of the day that’s all that matters; MONEY. I guess money does make the world go round.

But what I can’t figure out is how come I can’t see any of these qualities in Malinda. She so nice and sweet. What if everybody girl acted like this? I’m pretty sure it would be a different America.

But I’m glad I met Malinda, she showed that not all black girls are women that have lost all hope and respect for themselves. I’m glad she showed me that; she probably changed my life and my way of thinking.

Malinda is going to change the world someday; I’ll be willing to bet money on that.  She brings light into a world of darkness. When I had lost hope she showed me hope. The God in her makes her even ten times better; for some reason she has this gift for wherever she goes people love her. I wish I had that gift. But gifts are for people who deserve them and will actually do something in life. Malinda is going to do something in life; I’m not.

What are my gifts? My mom reads this journal sometimes and says that it’s writing. But I don’t even like to write. I just write in this journal to keep track of my life. So when the day I realize that I have fallen victim to this society I can look my back into this book and retrace my steps and figure out how and why I did it? By me doing that I can teach to other people how to not make the mistakes I made.  Some people believe that I am just being negative about myself but I know I will fall victim to this world and society. It’s my destiny; it’s what I was born for. But I’m not ready to accept my fate yet. I guess you can kind of say that I’m scared. I think anybody would be.

Author's Note

I need reviews. thanks for all the loves