Again Begin Again

I'm not sure this is a poem.

Was I always this stupid?
Or is it because I've been practicing?
Being completely neurotic. . .

All day every day and every night

Was it all really self inflicted? 
Am I really truly. . .

   my very own worst enemy?
Pure and simply self destructive. . .

.

What's next, is I'm addicted

To the things that made me
And this downfall, it will come swiftly
An end to another middle, then it's started. . .

again

in another way
broken fixed
dead alive and barely movin'
barely breathin'
dead and lined up
to taste another flame

prime and ready 

for another life

as a different person
from a different time

I swear I'm almost ready
Like I never was before

So here it comes again

I can feel it 

Author's Note

Reviews

[drew garner]

I like it. I don't review your poems often because I feel like our aesthetic stance is so different. There is a quality of a whirlpool to your writing the way certain things bubble up here and there all the while trying to be direct, and I assume honest. I like this one even though at the top it says your not sure it's a poem. I think it is and a good one. the rage in your work is one of the more endearing things. it often lacks the self-pity of Bukowski. While having better qualities like the confidence of conviction. have you ever heard of David peel and the lower east side?

[Davidgeo]

Thanks man. I wasn't sure this one would translate into decent writing, I edited almost nothing about it from the original draft .

Bukowski was kind of a p***y but certainly one of the best poets ever to poet and has been a huge influence on me over the years. I'm really glad you seemed to pick up on that from reading me.

And David Peel is awesome... I consider him to be a the progenitor of certain kinds of punk rock music.

[drew garner]

bukowski has always been to indirect for me, Though I think on some level I have inherited the whole "crappy life" shtick from my fascination with his persona. Honestly not trying to be grand but I think your work fixes most of my problems with his identity. that and I really love the repetitions that you do to create a music like effect. the reason I brought up David peel is on some level his no nonsense direct nature reminds of the way you present yourself in your poems, or I guess the way the poems present themselves. but there is a fascination with science and math that makes your work feel cosmic or lovecraftian.

[Davidgeo]

Science, and math in particular, is the universal language of the known universe. Know that and you will see further I promise.

[Alessander]

Dig it in a macabre way. The angst, frustration and somewhat feeling of helplessness come through.

A true Dantean hell - like Ground's Hog day, the same day/way just keeps repeating repeating repeating...

Shakesperean flaws were usually fatal. But what if they weren't? What if Hamlet, Othello, Richard...just kept living trapped in their own vice? Doomed to their tragic weakness?

Fav line

barely breathin'
dead and lined up
to taste another flame

The lined up makes me think of coke lines, which jibes with the "addiction" angle.

Good stuff.

[......]

beautifully expressed.
25 characters? i didn't really need anymore.
beautifully expressed.

[Davidgeo]

That's probably a little too kind but thanks. It might sound strange but, this was all inspired by a dog that couldn't stop fighting a cat even though the cat clearly beat the dog's a*s each and every time.

[Luci]

I could really relate to this - It's what personified anxiety sounds like. 'prime and ready for another life as a different person from another time'. Felt that! Thank you for sharing

[Davidgeo]

Thanks Luci, I'm happy you could relate to it. Well, maybe not happy that you relate to it but just that it made enough sense that you could relate, eh, you know it mean I'm sure. Personified anxiety sounds like a nightmare I have sometimes.

[sonnie ibadah]

the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. I read somewhere that each of us has a real self and an anti-self. A real-self is usually self-accepting and life-affirming while the anti-self is self-denying, self-sabottaging and paranoid. The one that always whispers, "Sooner or later you’re going to mess up."
I feel like the voice that speaks in this poem is the "anti-self" and unfortunately/unfortunately, most of us can relate too well with that. Great work mate.

[Davidgeo]

Whose to say who's the truly "anti" version of the self? There does exist a thing called anti matter in nature (to an electron, the positron is it's "anti-self"). Unfortunately, much like the ultimate universe around us we are destined to never fully understand ourselves whether we like it or not. I read somewhere that up to 50% of our memories are fabricated by our sub concious efforts to make reality seem consistent when it is anything but... being alive/concious is probably a far more bizarre proposition than we are capable of being aware of. Thanks for your review, I'm glad you found meaning in it's meaning... it's kind of a weird poem.

[sonnie ibadah]

weird or not, it's nice.