The culprit

Slapstick in real life

I lay in the middle of wreckage and shards. I prayed that none of the shrapnel and hazards surrounding me had inflicted wounds requiring a hospital.I am 6'4 and 360 pounds not easily taken down and even more unlikely to get up once there.

Slowly I pulled my right leg from behind the fridge while trying not to whimper to much and the sight of blood soaking my open toed sandal on my left foot  was just about to much to bear.

I had know idea I was still flexible enough to do a split in mid-air and land without requiring a extended stay in the hospital.

My ever sympathetic wife and son were fighting the giggles when they found me with. A leg touching each wall in the kitchen surrounded by the remnants of the breakfast dishes I had been carrying in which had shattered in my fall. My overgrown toe nail on my left foot had only been stopped by the full weight of my 360 pound on a body part 1/32 inch thick. My toenail shattered and cut into the toe I lay trying to avoid writhing in agony amid the glass.

It took all of a second for my family to see my girth go airborne and shake the house. Laughing at the memory and not my pain they swept debris and helped me up.

I looked to find the evil thing that had so easily felled me in a quick swoop. Then I found the culprit, the minion of evil that had so  easily destroyed me...

Pretty green eyes on his furry little ewok face our kitten looked up from the butter  wrapper he had stolen off the counter and strategically placed to kill me. Then he made it look like He just wanted to lick the wrapper.

My wife and son said it was just an accident I KNOW the kitten is plotting my death now.