The Trials

The Trials

A Story by Lizardo
"

It will be a short story

"
So far as I know, waking up in the middle of nowhere is a bad thing, but since I can't remember a single thing from my past, I guess I might just calm myself down a little. 
 
Stars shone all around me, every single one flickering in the darkness of space. I was standing, but how exactly I was standing in space I don't really know. I stayed there for a few seconds thinking. Then I tried to walk, one foot after the other and then... I fell down to what seemed to be a floor. Why couldn’t I remember? Was this a dream of was it a bad joke? And how was I standing in space? All of these questions flooded my mind forming more questions but less answers, but what really grabbed my attention was that I didn’t feel cold or hot, I felt nothing
 
I waited for a brief moment then tried to ask for help but  there was something wrong, I couldn't make my words come out, it was like wanting to talk but the words couldn’t form in your mouth, I panic, I tried and tried but couldn't manage to make the words come out. I felt scared in the darkness of space, at least the shining stars were my friends here.
 
I tried to get up again, but I fell down. A light started to shine in the distance, it outshine all the stars that were shining there, I quickly tried to get up again and this time I did managed to stand with my two feet. Great, I thought at least something good. 
 
The light started to shine more and more and more until it started to get closer and closer and closer... my eyes started to hurt so I covered them with  my hands. The light covered my body in a tunnel of light
 
That's when it started; a burst of colors formed in the tunnel of light, my body was lifted from the space and suddenly thrown into the end of the tunnel.
 
I was now in an isolated desert, rain falling down with fierce winds that made me lost balance. Dark clouds where all over the place as the rain kept falling and falling like torrents, thunder formed in the dark clouds making some visibility for my eyes, that’s when I saw a shadow with a black coat watching in my direction. It pointed at me with its right hand.
 

 Then I woke up 

© 2015 Lizardo


Author's Note

Lizardo
I want to practice my story telling skills so if you have any tips or something I will be much appreciete, by the way, I hope you do notice the words that come when you turn into a sentence the color words.

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Reviews

This is a very brief, but still largely enjoyable story. You had me reading it from beginning to end. I have to say that the rate at which your story writing skills are improving is very impressive Lizardo. Fantastic job!

But I did notice a few typos. In the last paragraph, when you wrote, "With fierce winds that made me lost balance", it should be "lose", not "lost", and in the beginning of the following sentence, it should be "Dark clouds WERE", not, "dark clouds WHERE". Also, try to avoid run-on sentences, which were most noticeable in the last paragraph(the second to last sentence is just one huge run-on). Other than those, you've done great Lizardo. Keep working on improving, and one day you'll be one heck of an awesome writer! :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


Lizardo

6 Years Ago

Eoin colfer, that author is really good. I've read a series called: Artemis fowl. Boy, I did enjoyed.. read more
DoormanDan

6 Years Ago

Heck yeah I have! Those books are great! :)
Lizardo

6 Years Ago

lets see what else, ever head of James Dashner or Rick Riordan?
Good story. There were a few typos but all in all, nice imagery.
Thanks for sharing..

Posted 6 Years Ago


Lizardo

6 Years Ago

Thank you so much Melinda, for visiting, I really appreciete it
Sorry, I'm like so out of it... I don't even think I'm fully alive today xD

I went to bed at 4:00 and woke up at 5:30! Well, that's actually kind of normal for me..

But anyway, this was really good! We all know that I absolutely STINK at writing stories, but I can tell when someone's got talent!

The last line is my favorite because it's short yet full of emotion! It's like NOOO it was a dream? xD

I really really liked it! It was so cool :) I'll ttyl though because I gtg to school!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Lizardo

6 Years Ago

Its fine, thanks CG!
Cool Girl

6 Years Ago

You're welcome!
hey lizardo, ive written some stories so ill give you some tips.
first, to edit it and see if it sounds how you want it to, you can read it aloud to yourself because you will be able to tell how it flows and notice any spelling mistakes.
secondly, I didn't really understand the colored words. I'm sure there is a great reason for it, and I really want to here it or like what they represent because I love things like that in a story.
thirdly, when you described, i was just wondering how do you know it has a coat and how do you know which hand it was pointing? you did an amazing job and describing the scenery and the imagery in your story was outstanding. when you are describing something like a shadow, it may be better to leave it more vague and give the reader some imagination.
I love the cliffhanger, I love the imagery and descriptions, and I love how everything is kind of like how I would describe a dream. Great job and please read request the next piece in the story. Sorry for the length of my review, but awesome work man!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Lizardo

6 Years Ago

David! Thanks for the tips, reading out loud eh? I will try that
The words supposly need to .. read more
Not here

6 Years Ago

ok that makes alot of sense now. yeah i really like that, what you did with the letters colored. rea.. read more

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4 Reviews
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Added on March 27, 2015
Last Updated on March 27, 2015
Tags: Teen, Fiction, Everybody

Author

Lizardo
Lizardo

LA , CA



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