what depersonalization feels like

I deal with depersonalization often, and it's hard to put into words, but I have attempted it.

I can't feel my hands, or perhaps they are not my hands at all. Either way, I cannot feel them. For a moment, I can still hear my heartbeat; steady, steady. please don't leave me, too.

Maybe I'm not from here, maybe none of this is real. A movie, a movie. nothing has or ever will be real. And maybe my heartbeat is nothing but an illusion as well, a dream thought up in between the reality and unreality. Is my heartbeat still there? I can't feel it oh god am I breathing can I not breathe please let me breathe let me breathe let me see let me stay me-

Do you think this is funny? Just some game, a thought conjured up by a fool on drugs? No, no, you don't understand. Your body is the one thing, the only thing, you are guaranteed to always be in control of. But what do you do when suddenly, your body is no longer yours? When your consciousness is nothing but a separate entity that may or may not be corporeal? Is this a joke? I'm begging you to listen, listen. For this is the only truth that can be garnered from this experience.

Reviews

[Lindsey H]

I understand that the terrible sensations resonated by depersonalization are horrendous. There are no human words to completely convey this emotion, however, you did a pretty good job (although it does not even begin to scratch the cold surface of this terrible onset of emptiness). I've had depersonalization disorder since February 7th of 2015. Each and every day my mind rots away into a numbness of epic realization of unreality.