Steinbeck: A Meaning in a Life

My tribute to a writer who lived in this same town of mine. A man whose art changed the world of his time, who inspires me.

Steinbeck: A Meaning in a Life

(Of Writers and Poets)

By  

Carlos Lorenzo Estrada 

There is a house I often come across

Like a Rockwell painting; nostalgic, time lost

Where a great writer once lived and dreamed

Stories of all seasons, emotions, and themes 

It wasn't a home of grand elegance 

Only one of significant relevance 

For a man as prolific as he

Revered for his tales and simplicity 

He captured the human condition

But more aptly the unfulfilled life in attrition 

The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men

Cannery Row, The East of Eden 

It is the former which holds such resonance 

Which speaks of our frailties in inheritance

In the shame or heart to forgive 

The lesser children of God that misgive

I am my mother's son

Imperfect like her, selfish, resentful, undone

This rage I carried for so long 

Has ebbed to a wave; somber and calm

I'm too old to hate

Broken down by the hands of this fate

Forever to linger "East of Eden" 

Absent all hope or absolution to believe in

Lost battles of sibling rivalry 

For misguided affections of patriarchy 

I am the Cain of Abel's death

Exiled wanderer; taker of breath

I will never know the comforts of love or home

I'm bound to this curse; forever alone.

Author's Note

I find myself recently working at the Supreme Court of Monterey here in Salinas. A block away from the house where John Steinbeck lived. I like to consider myself a writer, perhaps not very good but I try. There is a sense of intimidation as well as reverence whenever I pass by this house. But lately I have found a more profound meaning from it. One that holds great significance in my life from a story that is too familiar to me personally. I truly believe that the greatness of Steinbeck is that he so eloquently captured the unfulfilled life in story. It is why his work resonates so personally to most readers. I am in awe of his legacy, and as a writer I'm envious but driven by the beauty of his art. Perhaps I see his home as the metaphorical idea of Eden. Forever elusive to my grasp as a common artist. But which allows me to dream to be better.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

You do pretty well as far as I'm concerned, my poet friend. I know the sort of feeling you touch upon though. There is a rather plain, two story, yellow, house in Asheville, North Carolina where Thomas Wolfe lived in his boyhood. The man who wrote, "You can't go home again" is immortalized in this, his Memorial. I'm a big fan of Wolfe. All his writing sounds like poetry to me, just his mastery with words. Steinbeck would be happy with your tribute.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Fabian for your thoughts on this piece. It is such a quaint little two story home that is practically a few blocks away from where I live. I often imagine what stories those walls could tell about the writer who lived within them. And how his artistry inspired me to find my own voice in writing. That bit of courage to share with the world that is within this community of writers. He really is one of my inspirations. Thank you again my friend.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“In the shame or heart to forgive
The lesser children of God that misgive

I am my mother's son
Imperfect like her, selfish, resentful, undone”
Yes, that tragic flaw in character that leads mortals to destruction…Shakespeare and Steinbeck knew it and wrote about it. So do you my friend. East of Eden, The Grapes of Wrath, The Winter of Our Discontent…Steinbeck wrote of human frailty and strength, and the redemptive powers of love. You carry many burdens and bow under their weight- I feel it in your writing Carlos. I feel the genius there too. I followed Steinbeck’s inspiration to move myself ,alone, to SoCal in the 70s. I followed his light. Never got to Salinas though, but did write- you are so blessed to know his house. Only man would bait a trap and then step in it said Steinbeck. Your Amazing poem and writing and warrior heart will never let you fall into that trap. Look up and Trust Steinbeck. Bravo for the greatness of this poem in honoring him.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I can't thank you enough for your words, Annette. They mean the world to me. The kindness and encouragement within each sentence touched my heart. It is easy to recognize our inherent frailties within us, but more difficult to express and open ourselves up to criticism because of them. But I feel we writers have no choice. Our art defines us, and our words a prayer or atonement. Steinbeck captured moments of living in his work. The lives that did not attain any greatness nor live to their potential, but instead their attempt for redemption. His words spoke to me because some aspects of his stories defined my life and the choices made by me and those out of my hand. There parallels very striking and true. There is a catharsis I have found in just being truthful in my art, for it helps me to read and understand who I am. To live with the consequences of my own choices, and not my mother's. That day of redemption has long passed. I must find my own comfort in soul and atonement in acknowledgement of my faults. And so I write. All these love letters to the world of who I was. These hopes. Thank you kindly for your supportive words they truly mean so much to me.

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

“Our art defines us, and our words a prayer or atonement”. God bless you Carlos my friend.

[JE Falcon]

Like all people in life, there are the get-byers, the good, and the great. And then there is the greatest. --- I met a so-so writer, once, but he was the perfect pencil sharpener. Then they took his pencils away and they gave him pens to write with. I thought it sad until I recently saw some of his artwork, ah, wood carvings without rivals. There is nothing that can be taken from the great, but it is sad to thank that some never find their muse.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I totally agree with you JE. To never at least attempt to allow the art within to breathe is such a sad thing. The world is less because of it. It's like imagining John Lennon never writing music, or Poe his poetry. Or Picasso his art. These little gifts make human existence greater because it gives us dreams to strive for. It makes us want to love better.

[JE Falcon]

Too True, my friend.

[Chris Shaw]

You know passing or even visiting a house where a great writer or poet lived and penned their famous works is such a privilege. I felt awe inspired when I visited the homes of John Keats and William Wordsworth. As to Steinbeck, Of Mice and Men is one of the finest reads and the film made me cry. Thank you Carlos for yiyrcwrutingvabdcwhere I travelled. Best wishes to you.

Chris

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Chris for the kind comment. I haven't had a chance to submit much lately because I've been working so much to keep a roof over my head. But passing that house on a daily basis does inspire me to just keep writing no matter what it is. Because it is a part of who I am. And the art that exists within me. I may never be a Steinbeck but it doesn't mean that something I may write won't find a home in the heart of someone reading my work. That to me is enough. Thank you kindly again.

[Chris Shaw]

You have many here Carlos, waiting to read you. Please forgive my typos on the previous comment. My phone is a pain in the backside at times.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

No need to apologize dear poet. I myself have a contentious relationship with technology. It's an unwelcome but needed thing. Many tend to abuse it as we see everyday. And yet its grace is in the fact we are closer to the entire world because of it. I hope you are doing well Chris and writing lots of great art for us to enjoy. CLE

[Chris Shaw]

Trying to keep the writing flowing Carlos. Not always easy as my muse likes her holidays :)

[keith]

great write my friend
great respect & honor to one of the greatest writers!
i too am in awe of his writings ... it is no secret the reason movies followed his epic writings
THE GRAPES OF WRATH a most favored write ... Henry Ford did such as you in portrayal of the intention and depth to this story
John Steinbeck earned and deserves respect
(i really don't particularly like rhymning works but yours is exception ... on a private note ... i had no idea, zero idea, you worked at the Supreme Court of Monterey.
you my friend are full of surprises and deserve respect as well) !

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Keith you are too kind. I did a bit of temp work at the courthouse which I found to be such an enjoyable experience. Right now they are in the middle of the Elizabeth Smart trial which is grabbing a lot of attention in these parts. The Steinbeck house is a mere block away from the courthouse. I would pass by it every day to work. And every day I would feel this sense of profound relevance that exists in that quaint home. Where one of the great writing minds lived and whose important works span generations and continents. It amazes me to this day.

[redzone]

Carlos, this a wonderful poem and rich in the "human condition" as you aptly put it and as tribute to one of our most cherished writers.... I can not add to what has already been said below, but I think it great when we can shape our words in ways that takes what or who has inspired us, telling their story but making it our own from our own experiences.... your last line in your note reminds me of the Oscar Wilde quote; "we all live in the gutter, but some of us look to the stars".... this was far from a "common" poem by a "common" artist Carlos and a great dream to share with us....

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Curt for your comment on this poem. As a fan of your art as well it means a lot. I have learned so much about poetry reading the many works of the poets in this community. Even in my late 50's I feel I am evolving and growing in my art because of what I'm learning being here. This place has been a wealth of education to me as a novice writer. Especially in poetry. I feel it a blessing that I get to read and communicate with the many talents throughout the world who share their work here at the Cafe. It's been such an enriching and enlightening experience for me. I can't help but continue to express my gratitude to writers like you, Jacob, Chris, Julie, and the many many others both old and new who help me improve my voice and artistry. The encouragement I have been given here has truly been life altering. I consider this community the perfect home for my work because of the people who are a part of it. Thank you my friend. It means the world to me.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

That’s so weird I’ve just added three of his books to read in my kindle app on phone this past few days. I’ve skimmed a few not sure which to read first
Love your poem it brought him closer

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you Julie. Great writers like Steinbeck have that effect on us. Their work forever timeless resonates with every heart regardless of generation. Every time I pass by his house it's like a church to me. Sacred and solemn filled with a holiness of a writers aspiration and hope to his congregation. I have yet to enter inside because I feel so unworthy. I wanted to give that sense of what I feel about his art and its influence in my life. I was explaining to Jacob in the comment below how his story resonates with me as a reader. Thank you so much again for sharing your thoughts with me.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Hi thanks loved the comment back to me many thanks 🙏

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"too old to hate" I understand that...indifference becomes the replacement.
I think this is so cool that you live in the town where Steinbeck did...and his house is still there.
Yes, I would feel reverence as well...and how you have felt the human condition that he so often wrote about in his works.
This is a really excellent tribute to him...and how you linked your life to his...
nicely done, Carlos.
j.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you J for sharing your thoughts with me on this poem. To me his home holds such reverence like a church. He optimizes what I believe to be the peak of writing reputation. Much like many of the others who I consider influential to me. His work captured the essence of a life not always living it best successes and intent, but caught in the realization of fate and its many choices which leave us unfulfilled in our aspirations. When writing this poem I was struck by the use of symbology in religious context. How my reverence for the writer and his particular story which resonated with me seem to develop in this organic way. How my life echoed in some parts to his story East of Eden. The hardest part I found in my journey was to forgive, not just others but myself. To recognize my imperfections, failures, and inherent biases. My yearning to want to change, but falsely believing I'm too old to do so. I grew up in a culture where there is a weakness associated to those who always forgive or are sorry towards the results of their actions and choices. These things are cyclical and given from one generation to another. "Sins" as we refer to them. I left faith behind many years ago, but one character I had always found a fascination and almost kinship or rerelatability towards was Cain. Always seeking the love of God which was always elusive towards him. His need so powerful to be loved he would kill for it. He would destroy everything in his path to have that simple recognition. Steinbeck's story of our inherent frailties speaks most powerfully to my heart. Whenever I pass by his home I feel a sense of shame that I can not enter such a holy place. It has become a metaphorical Eden to me. As a writer he has become my North star. His words written well before my birth captured some of the struggles I would endure in my life, he knew me well. That speaks to the power of his art. Thank you again my friend for your comment. I apologize for the late response life has me very busy at this time and it has left me with limited moments to come here unfortunately.

[Stuart Munro]

Carlos , I like really like your poem and your passing experience of passing John Steinbeck’s home
I read his Grapes of Wrath , when a teenager , I dont think it really think left anything in my mind I needed
But I had bookie type friends raving about him , so I had to say , Yeh he’s cool , lol
Now I dont read much , just enjoy writing a poem , and sharing for a viewpoint
I used to write songs , but now I just stick to poetry , have a great week

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

Thank you kindly Stuart for your comment. I really appreciate it. Growing up in Steinbeck country I was taught at a young age about this remarkable writer. Like you in my youth I just didn't get most of his work. I feel I didn't because I hadn't really lived yet to experience the power of his art. The stories he wrote were mostly of the unfulfilled life. Those characters who seek to be better or greater yet fail to achieve any semblance of their goal. In other words just being human and living an unremarkable life. Failing to meet our own expectations. Or being dragged by the whims of our fate toward the failures of our existence. Now in my late 50's I have a greater appreciation for his story telling. Because of my own struggles in life and the failures to achieve the goals I set for myself. I won't lie. Steinbeck is an acquired taste. Much like art itself very subjective. One simply loves what they love. Being a child of the 70's and 80's writing songs on guitar was always easy for me than trying to write stories. As I've grown older the writing genre of poetry has captured both my fascination and attention. It allows me to say so much in so little. And it also allows me to see the world again differently through writers eyes. Everything now has descriptive texture rather than just being a bland word to me. I have never felt more alive than in writing. That is the power of poetry. Thank you again my friend for your thoughts.

[Stuart Munro]

Thank you Carlos , for your interesting reply , music for me is words in a box , I still write now and again on guitar and piano ,I’ve got recording gear , but it seems today , like a thing of the past , poetry I prefer and I’m still learning it , must read some Steinbeck , now I’ve a more mature mind , my favourite poet at the moment is Charles Bukowski , I like his views on life , in his poetry , it’s great to be friends and share poems ect , have a great week

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is a really fascinating write and I especially liked the penultimate stanza with exiled wanderer, taker of breath.
I wonder if all writers are the same: I know that Stephen King and Dean Koontz both say their characters tell them the story behind the what if.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

I'm such a fan of King and have been most of my life. For the most part I do agree with his assessment on characters relaying a stories process. When I've written a short story it always begins through the eyes of my protagonist. Sometimes I may deviate a bit by leaving bits of my own personal insight to balance the tale a bit, but for the most part they define the theme. Whether I may agree with their perspective or not. Of all the works of Steinbeck I most identify on a personal level with East of Eden. Perhaps because it best personifies my familial relationship with my mother, as well unreconciled differences with my two brothers. I have always seen myself as an outsider when it came to my family. I'm a middle child born out of wedlock, which made growing up very difficult a situation. It was kept secret, a known unknown, by relatives throughout my life until age 20. Once it came to the forefront everything began to make sense to me as to why I was treated with a mild indifference by them. But like all secrets they tend to destroy things in their wake. I haven't spoken to my family since my father past almost 15 yrs ago. Passing by the Steinbeck house on my way to work often leaves these old wounds melancholic in their aches. It is somewhat a tribute to the art of this incredible writer who had a bit of influence on how I tend to approach my work. Thank you kindly for taking the time to read and comment on this poem. I really appreciate it.

[W. Barrett Munn]

You did a great job in depersonalizing a deeply felt personal story so that it can be read by those outside the story without feeling uncomfortably too close.