Another office

Something that would scare the f**k out of me. might expand on this idea.

 

Well you can manage it if you want. You just need to take pills all the time. Do you really think that’s something that I want to do?

 

It’s not that I wouldn’t I just don’t want to.  Maybe that’s the big problem with the whole thing I don’t want to. And maybe that’s the part of myself that messes everything up.  I don’t want to. Like it’s some sort of massive right.  Not to want to that’s the excuse and maybe that’s why I don’t live a life.  I don’t want to and there’s nothing that you can do about it.

 

Then again what’s so wrong with getting rid of this some sort of other way?  Why can’t I just drink it away?

 

Cause you’ll be avoiding you’re problems.  You know that with therapy and with these drugs you’ll get better.  Besides she left you and it’s not safe for you to drink you know how you get when you drink.

 

I don’t care what’s the difference one bottle compared to another bottle.  At least with the other bottle I don’t have to sit in this f*****g room with you and you’re damn arrogance. I don’t give a f**k what university you went to. I’m the same f*****g age as you I know that I don’t look like.  Stop looking at me like I’m a child. Like I haven’t lived like I haven’t felt enough.  Just because my hands are permantly stained and my heart is a mess with all the life I’ve lived while you were busy studying for your f*****g mid term.

 

It’s because of out burst like this that is the reason why I don’t recommend you going out for a drink you’ll get yourself killed.

 

So what? There’s nothing left. I was going to have a life.  I work hard for everything that I have.  I don’t have much but does it matter. I did what the f**k I was supposed to and now it’s f*****g gone.  I don’t even know what the f**k I’m doing here. Just because I try and kill myself and am “rescued” by the grace of stranger I’m forced to be here.  I’m on out patient right now. That’s why I don’t get it.

 

You’re here because the court upon further review thinks that you still need to be here.

 

Yeah well tell the court to f**k themselves.  How the f**k am I supposed to find work now?  Try and toss yourself off a f*****g bridge and you know what I work in heights now what the f**k am I supposed to do.  I can’t stand people. I can’t stand anyone. The only reason I put up with any of this s**t.  Any of you people I’ve never killed before was because of her.  Get the f**k out of my way. I need to get the f**k out of here.  You won’t be the first one I’ve fucked up because of you’re f*****g rhetoric.  Now get the f**k out of my way.

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

I really like the style you write in when you use rambling conversational rants like this. The second person's dialogue simply gets sucked into the rant and becomes part of it.

"...and maybe that's why I don't live a life. I don't want to and there's nothing that you can do about it."
Tricky but familiar problem. Psychiatrists etc really don't know what to do with apathy like this, other than feed it pills to force the apathy to become something else, like joy of life or whatever the f**k they're expecting. But joy of life brings with it its own problems - so it's understandable to choose 'depression' over 'anti-depressants' when faced with that kind of choice.

Maybe I missed the point of that section, but that's kind of what it said to me.

Be careful you don't end up somewhere like this if you can, Anthony - the intrusion would piss you right the f**k off.

Cheers for sharing. Even if you hardly come on here now, maybe post things up sometimes, for me and other A. M fans? Thanks man.

p.s.
"with you and you're damn arrogance" [your]
"because my hands are permantly stained" [permanently]
"Cause you'll be avoiding you're problems" [ 'cause] [your]
"It's because of out burst[s?] like this "
"because of you're f*****g rhetoric" [your]