18.

18.

A Poem by lostnstars

dancing, blossom cheeks at 18
carved paintings and citrus pristine
writing at a gazebo with no tears
living in elated fantasy with no fears

echt riantly telltale lyrics
as she sits pretty beside the bricks
knot crowds would make crowns for her
make her the royal living with no other

waving her hand before the door closed
hopelessly fell down on her numb knees 
pale thirsty leaves and thorn rose
dusty locks with unknown keys

she breathes in two lives every day
telling no one she's quite lost
everyone tact her as an idea sway
her truth stays in ineradicably frost

© 2015 lostnstars


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Featured Review

This is full of a lot of great imagery. I also like how you switch the rhyme scheme for the last two stanzas, it effectively changes the pace to great effect. That said 'knees' and 'sheers', it'd been fine otherwise, but because the rest rhymes (or is half rhyme--'her', 'hurt') it sticks out a little. So far this is looking really good though.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

thank you! i still have to revise the rhyming and and switch lines :)



Reviews

a descriptive story teller that rhymes. love it

Posted 3 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

3 Years Ago

Thank you so much! :)
You are really talented in terms of projecting an image you want the audience to see from your works. Also, its like this poem mirrors your own personal self. :)

Great Job! Keep on writing and improving. :D

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

you dont know me :P haha and thank you! yeah i will keep on writing and i'll push myself more to mak.. read more
I dont think you should switch the rhyming very much at all. I thought it was brilliant rhyming I give it an A right up there with Robert Frosts' best stuff. Really. U r great. Im jealous

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

thank you! :)
I like the first lines a lot actually good but the last four lines made me lost and I didn't like them as much but you probably know that allready

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is beautiful. I love the first stanza - "living in elated fantasy with no fears" is vibrant and then "pale thirsty leaves and thorn rose" the imagery is AWESOME! Good write! Thank you for sharing it.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

Woah thank you so much!!! :)
I really loved your third stanza, especially the metaphors you use "dusty locks with unknown keys" gives the perfect image of unsurety, a mystery, a fork in the road to overcome, keep on writing my dear it is appreciated

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

thank you so much and yeah I will! :)
A interesting tale in the poetry. 18 is a hard time. Adult and child thoughts. Losing the best part of you to age and real life.
"she breathes in two lives every day
telling no one she's quite lost
everyone tact her as an idea sway
her truth stays in ineradicably frost"
I did like the above lines. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

wow thank you so much!!!! :)
Coyote Poetry

4 Years Ago

You are welcome.
beautiful imagery, excellent expressions flowing actually overflowing with energy. The joys, the celebrations, the lost path that she will soon leave and go in right direction. Nicely penned :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

thank you so much! :)
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A well thought and delivered poem. I like your aabb rhyme scheme and the Imagery you have created through all various descriptions. I liked it :D

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

Woah thank you so much!!! :)
Right from the concept to imagery, you just killed it girl.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

lostnstars

4 Years Ago

Wow thankyou so much! (:

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Added on April 21, 2015
Last Updated on April 22, 2015

Author

lostnstars
lostnstars

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writing is either my getaway or home more..

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A Poem by lostnstars



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