A Turtles Lullaby

Sleep Sweet Brother

Little Turtle

Close your Eyes

Disappear

From the night skies

----------------------

Little Turtle 

Rest your head

Dream of me

as you lay in bed

---------------------

Little Turtle

Don't you fret

Don't be scared 

Of his fake threat

------------------

Little Turtle

Close your eyes

And i will end

Your painful cries

Reviews

[Rynn]

The first thing that struck me was that the rhyme scheme. I don't believe that it really added anything to the writing itself. I think it actually hurt the piece as far as word choice goes. There are a few obscurities that didn't really make any sense to me.

"Close your Eyes
Show the world
What you despise" - I know that poetry isn't mean to be literal, but there are no hints as to what this turtle despises.

"Don't you fret
The world needs
To still be met" - if this is an inner type of monologue, I don't understand the worldly aspect. I don't understand what needs to be met.

Overall, I think this could use another look over for what you're intending to get across. It's a good draft. Keep it up. Write on.

-Rynn