Pariah

A book of lost souls for lost souls.

The water was too close, the storm too loud, and the water too far.

Dear Father,

I don’t know what to do… I’m scared..

Crack. 

I don’t know how much longer I have. I don’t know how much longer you have either.

Boom. the house across the street collapsed to rubble and the ground started to shake.

I can’t stay behind, I can’t keep doing this. I have to leave.. I have to leave so badly. Im so sorry but I have to, I HAVE TO!

“F**k” they whispered as they spotted the massive dam that had protected them for all of their life start to crack. Their hearts jumped and their eyes grew wide as water spewed from the cracks in the massive jet black stone. The unbreakable wall was breaking and it was time to go. So the time had finally come.

I’ll take you with me in my heart. Thank you for your smile. Thank you for all of your love.

I love you father,

Love,

love

Author's Note

Grammar might be wonky, definitely not my strong suit. I'm trying to elicit nervousness and a sense of danger.

Reviews

[LasagnaCat]

I would say that this would benefit from being much longer. I don't know how the character got into the situation which makes it hard for me to be attached to the character.
This part alone would make for a good climax, but there needs to be a form of build up first. I hope to see more of your work.

[Delmar Cooper]

" I'm trying to elicit nervousness and a sense of danger."
I think a sense of tension and danger would be easier to convey to a reader if the words were logical, consistent, and informative.
"The water was too close,... and the water too far." This is confusing and illogical.
Are the italicized words a last letter, a prayer, or simply thoughts?
What caused the destruction of the house across the street before the dam collapsed?
Who are "they"? A vague pronoun reference ( pronoun without an antecedent noun) causes readers to stop reading and start puzzling out your meanings.
Good luck with your project.