Devil I call myself,

Devil I call myself,

A Story by marah

self destruction

I am stuck
I keep running and running
and I swear the moment I reach the end
I meet the beginning
And I run again
And again
and I cant 
cant escape

Why wont it leave me alone
why wont it let me go
why wont I- let me go
why do I keep running back
why do I keep running to the beginning
do I want to go?
Or do I want to know ..
to know why
why all this is happening to me
why the people who i love most, hurt me best
why sadness engulfs me
why the reflection in my mirror is no longer me, its a shattered image of a girl whos screaming inside (help me) 
i ignore her

so when i run
i forget where my destination even is
where im meant to be, to be at this fictional end of misery
or to be controlled by my inner enemy
and at some point, i dont notice that im running to my demons
they welcome me (hello again) they whisper, 
and i dont ask myself why (why i am back that is)
because i know why
they make me feel safe
they scare me and fear me, but all at the same time
they bring me comfortability
so they bring me back (i bring me back)

 i run to them
run into the arms of the demons who destroy me
its where i fit best
in the hands of the devil, he swallows me
but in his presence i finally feel rest
i can sleep from my constant uncertainty of why the world is after me
or why the world wont let me leave
because in the beginging, that is where i do not ask questions
they wont allow me (i wont allow me) 

that is where i live my life in hell in silence and dont try understand why its happening to me
the sadness, the tears, my emptiness
in the beginning
i accept their doings because i feel like its meant for me
this place is my destiny
so maybe i dont run away
maybe i run towards it
towards myself
the devil within, i mean.  

© 2019 marah

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Added on April 19, 2019
Last Updated on April 19, 2019




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