Frozen Inside

A Story by Mary

Marina is lost in the elements battling for her life. Will she succome to death or will she find the will to live.

Step, step, step that was the rhythm that she had come accustomed to. Without it she feared she would break, no longer able to withstand the brutal elements. As the bitter wind kissed her lips, leaving its mark upon her, the pain spread. Soon she feared her whole body would feel the pain and it would consume her. That thought alone made her keep going-- she would not give in. She refused to die in the middle of nowhere with no one the wiser. Her only company her blurry memories of the past, and the regret she always held inside. She tried her cell phone again, but with no one to call, she didn’t waste her strength thinking of rescue. She didn’t want to owe anyone anything ever again, so she relied only on herself.

But each step was slower than the last, and she could no longer feel her legs. She couldn’t do anything about it. The truth of her situation set in and she began to let the warm haze take her, and in moments she no longer had a body. Her once fierce determination turned to resignation and she willingly forgot. She forgot her past struggles and her past hates. She forgot her tainted happy memories and her past loves. She even forgot the person she vowed to never forget and her soul cried. For she knew true death, for Marina Goldswell was no longer, but her soul rebelled against death and she pulled back. She pulled back her mind and her last remaining memories and willed herself to exist.

First came feeling, and it wasn’t the warm haze she had become accustomed to it was pain. She slowly remembered pain and began to regret her choice to stay. But just feeling again gave her hope, and she tried to remember how to move. First she tried opening her eyes to see where she was, because even though she felt pain she was sure she wasn’t outside anymore. She could tell though that it wasn’t hard earth she was laying on but a bed that felt like heaven to her skin. That though both comforted and frightened her. Because that meant that someone had rescued her, and that meant she owed her life to someone. Owing such a great debt broke all the rules she had come to know and always follow.

After some time, her eyes were hers again and she could blink, and even move a little. She was being taken care of by an elderly woman. Her name was Edna. Edna never asked any questions and always comforted her when she cried. She baffled Marina, but being in the state she was, she wasn’t about to question a miracle. Marina still didn’t know if she wanted to go on, but she knew that she was alive for a reason, and someday she would find the people who hurt her and make them pay. But for now she had to focus on healing and she vowed to never forget again. For she could never forget death, or the fact that she still had to find that person to whom her soul had rebelled for.

© 2010 Mary

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think and be completely honest. It is for an after school writing class, so i want it to be good.

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Global Norskie

The writing is well formulated. Your style is fluid and easy to follow :)

Grammar suggestions
Reformulate: "Her only company her blurry memories of the past, and the regret she always held inside."
"She tried her cell phone again, but with no one to call; she didn’t waste her strength thinking of rescue." (use comma instead of semicolon).

Overall, this was a bit too short for me to be a story - it felt more like a prologue in a book. (I have this problem with my stories too)

Generally, an interesting take on the will to live and the temptation to succumb. Well done!