Strength

Nikki, I guess this is mainly written for you, but it applies to everyone, so listen carefully to what I'm telling you.

     Sometimes I wonder what strength really is. I used to think I was strong because I could stop myself from crying the second someone called my name. I used to think I was strong because I could hide my feelings deep within myself, hidden behind this mask meant to protect me. But that isn't strong, that's scared. I was afraid. Afraid of people figuring out who I really was, afaid of them hurting me, afraid of them pitying me. Afraid of the world. I hid my tears in the cover of night, closed behind caremel collored door. I hid the pain with endless smiles and fearless fights. But I grew up. I woke up. I realized that I no longer cared. I let the mask consume me. So I chose to get rid of it, peice by peice. I decided it had to go. So now I'm slowly opening up, trying to see the parts of the world that aren't covered in darkness, see the light as something good. And I regret bringing you into that place, that dark place that fills you with fear of the world and hurts you for no reason than to make you more afraid. I was wrong. I thought you were weak, so innocent, naive, sensitive. I wanted to save you from the world's pain, so I brought you to a new world with nothing but it. I couldn't see, I was blinded by the hollow emptiness of the shadows. The ghosts of the past that drug me slowly deeper. As I was digging myself out you were still drowning in darkness, and I tried to help. I tried to un teach what I had taught you. But it was too late, you had to learn like I did if you were going to learn at all. So I let you be because I love you. My sister, my friend. And I went back, I refused to move until I saw you coming with me, and now you are. We're changing for the better now and soon we'll be ok again. The world will hurt us, but we have to trust one another enough to let them help. Lean on one another, cry with one another, laugh with one another, be strong. That is strength. To cry when you have to cry, to scream when you're upset, to laugh when you're happy, to love without fighting it, and to trust, dispite the risks. Nikki, we'll learn to be strong together, and help each other when we're weak. We just need to remember that we are there to offer a helping hand, and it is never a problem to ask each other for help.