ABSENCE NOTE

the occupation of life

can I phone in sick

today

pull the sheets back

over my head

let the world

my world

know not to expect my

presence

 

let the birds sing only for

themselves

 

if you find yourself walking amongst

a hum

a muffled tune from within

the tangle of

austere branches, crooked arms

you know

the birds are closed for

the day

 

the sun can hold onto its

warmth

 

if you feel a tickle, a soft spur from the

hairs that so

gently sit up to console the

shiver crawling, rippling down

your back

you know

the sun is out of order for

the day

 

and too, a deep breath can be held by the

wind

 

if your lungs are the only essence

awakening the

still air

a soft

disturbance, humble gesture

you know

the wind has gone home for

the day

 

and you,

you can take the day off too

Reviews

[j.a. mills]

Loved all the imagery going on, usually I would say it's too much all at once but it's all wrapped up in segmented stanzas that it's sort of rationed. The conceit, too, of all of these ordinary things, personified as entities taking the day off with you is terrific. There are a few things that didn't make an abundance of sense, like birds being "closed for the day". I found myself wanting to know who would come around to fix the sun, and wished it hadn't been referenced twice. I wanted to know where the wind lives. I was also a tad thrown off by the jump in POV from first to second person after the first stanza.

[Jimmy Yetts]

A wistful, lyrical case for playing hooky.
Elegant write, Lua!

[lua]

thank you :)

[Davidgeo]

I would rename this "Absentee Note" or "Absence Notice" or something of that sound.

Other than that I wouldn't change a thing. Well done and stuff. You got depth lady.

[lua]

thank you, the title has been playing on my mind but remains undecided

[Lyn Anderson]

This very beautifully describes what it is like to suffer from depression, without feeling sorry for oneself.

[lua]

thank you for reading :)

[Rene Velez]

Good imagery and finely crafted, well done

[lua]

thank you :)

[Ellusen]

I adore this. I've read it multiple times, and each time I can feel my reading pace slowing, my mind lulling, and the world falling away. You have taken me away from myself. You have given me my absence note.

[lua]

thank you so much, this was written in the hope that upon reading one would become, however momentarily, aloof - an interlude in time

[Ellusen]

You certainly succeeded. You're really good at setting a tone and gently enshrouding the reader with it. I'm going to read more of your things, as I sit here and wonder: where will she take me next?

[lua]

thank you so much, i'm so honoured you're taking the time to read my work :)

[...]

I take mental health breaks. Some days you just a break from it all to decompress.

[...]

*need.....

[lua]

definitely, it's such an important thing to do

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i like this concept---and the use of the sun and wind personification...that disturbance is we just wanting to not face a day---every once in a while...we need that day off from the craziness.

j.

[lua]

exactly :)