panic.

Freeze-frame on a panic attack.

it starts with crying

     always, crying

leeches up through my throat until i’m sobbing

loud, someone could mistake it for

laughter

for a long time it’s just that

crying

my lips are so dry, my mouth so wide open with shrieks and whimpers

i start to drool

drops, stains on my pajama pants

my sobs are getting faster, choked, less rhythmic

i start to hyperventilate

all the blood leaving my head,

i jump from my desk, my hands sweeping, combing through my hair

over and over and over

a motion like begging

stay in control stay in control

my breath faster, chopped into bite-sized pieces in my throat

my body is rejecting me

i start to shake

a cold sweat pastes me to the inside of my shirt

i claw my lips, my face, ball my nails into my eye sockets, grasp my neck,

beg it to stop

all of it

deathly alone, i only have me to calm me down

and i’m not letting myself in

my head hurts. i can’t think and i close my eyes

eventually i calm, still

maybe i thought of something, some

reason to keep going

but mostly i’m tired.

i’m so tired and i have so much work to do.

i just wasted twenty minutes f*****g around inside

my own head

my tongue is a stuttering lump in my mouth, my brain is scrambled,

but i sit back down at my desk

fearing the next time i get up

Reviews

[ExquisiteEyes]

Wonderful....god job. Keep it up