Wishes.

The first wish I ever remember making was when I was 9 years old,

I covered my dog Lucky's ears, and cried, whispering "I wish mommy and daddy would stop fighting. I wish they'd get a divorce."

When I was 11 and my cousin "became a woman" I wished to get my period too.

At 13, I wished that the boy I liked would kiss me - then I wished that he'd stop; but he never wanted to.

I wished I was thinner, and prettier, like all of the other girls.

14 years old, and all I wished for was for my dad to come back, for him to want us again, for him to love me and my brothers, and want to be a part of our lives like he was for the past 13 years.

15 was when I cried and wished for my grandmother to still be alive. I wished myself dead countless times that year.

16 years old is when I swallowed 19 pills, wishing I wouldn't wake.

When I did, I wished I had never done that.

I cried for a month in the hospital bed, wishing they'd stop making me eat so much. I wished my mom would stop crying, and that I would be discharged.

I wished a lot that year, 

like when I wished for him and I to fall in love.

17, hopelessly in love, but terrible unhappy, I wished for him and I to be okay, for all of our problems to go away.

On my 18th birthday, as he sat across from me, I blew out my candles and wished that he and I could start over again, to fall back in love, the way we once were. To have our happily ever after.

At night, I held on to my tear-stained pillow, crying, begging for the pain to end. Wishing that I wouldn't feel anything anymore. I wished to be happy, to be stronger, to be everything I was not.

Almost 19 years old, and realizing wishes do not come true - you have to work for everything you want.

5 years of struggling, holding on to nothing but the wishes I've made over the years, they're the only thing that has kept me going. 

Although, now, I know that I am strong, I am everything I ever wanted to be - happy. - so I suppose that some wishes do come true, if you want things bad enough.