Are You The Driver or Am I?

Are You The Driver or Am I?

A Poem by Rae

If I knew why, I'd tell you.
I cannot watch myself sleep
when my mind is awake and
outside of myself.

I cannot watch myself react.
Shameless is my name when
I stay up late and think about 
other people's desires of you.

There is a door in the room
that I will never open, 
because on the other side is thoughts
of desire that overcrowd
the way I have looked at you.

My mom always told me I get mean when I think.

My desire hides behind the door, 
no less scared than you are when
you stand between the fences. 

I am insecure in the way I go about my day,
vitamins and coffee before brushing my teeth,
after spending ten minutes in bed with 
a pounding heart thinking
maybe this is the day
I've lost you. 
I never will.
That is what I have said
about everything in my life
that I lose. 
I never will.

I don't want to sleep
under the sheets tonight.
My brain is taking the car keys
but my heart lost them long ago.

Maybe one day it will teach my brain
not to start the car at midnight.

Maybe if I leave now I can throw
the keys out the door for you 
but I have realized
I am insecure about our security.

Maybe if I leave now,
I can have my vitamins and coffee
before brushing my teeth,
after spending ten minutes in bed with
a pounding heart thinking
maybe this is the day
I've 
lost 
myself.

© 2016 Rae


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Reviews

im shaken up by this one, i really enjoyed it

great work!

Posted 5 Years Ago


What have you done with self ? Lost yourself ? No I think just misplaced is more the truth.
I suggest that you find that part of yourself that you really enjoy---Share it with a friend.
-----Eagle Cruagh

Posted 5 Years Ago


I can appreciate you being able to express anxiety in a way that comes across as mundane. I don't think a lot of people realize that anxiety isn't just about panic attacks, in fact, most of the time it goes unnoticed by anyone. A regular day can make you feel trapped as much as a bad day for seemingly no reason at all.

Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on December 5, 2016
Last Updated on December 5, 2016

Author

Rae
Rae

Seattle, WA



About
18 years old. NYU student and tea enthusiast. Writing means the world to me; feel free to give reviews and help me greater improve. Writing has always been my escape, especially poetry. Life experie.. more..

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