Chapter Two -Searching For A Magic Door-

Chapter Two -Searching For A Magic Door-

A Chapter by makaylarayne10

Obsessed by a fairy tale, we spend our lives searching for a magic door and a lost kingdom of peace.
-Eugene O'Neil

Chapter One
-Searching for a Magic Door-

"Shh. Don't scream okay?" The hand came off of my mouth and instead wrapped around my neck.
     I laughed without humor. "So it's the arsonist?"
     His time he laughed and I felt the movement on my back from his hard chest. "Is that what they're calling me?"
     "No. They think it was a chemistry or kitchen accident or a prank."
     "Hm. So it was the elf. Damn that thing. Saw him peeking around the corner."
     "Wait. If you have gray eyes how can you see fairies?"
      "Didn't you know green eyes aren't strictly necessary?"
      "I do now."
      "That's how learning works," he whispered in my ear. "So do you know why I did this?"
      "Nope. But I figure you're a Halfling. You definitely don't have the charm of a god."
     "Ouch. You don't even know me."
     "First impressions are everything."
     "Well I'll introduce myself. I'm Jasik. I already know your name so I wouldn't bother with that minor detail Elm."
     "So why did you want me?" I asked. The fact that I couldn't move easily was really starting to annoy me.
     "We'll get to that later. But right now I need you to come with me. And if you scream you'll be dead before you realize what happened."
     Jasik led me back through the small ally in between two buildings, eventually leading  out to the old parking lot mainly used for science experiments. There was a sleek black Lamborghini with tinted windows.
     I scoffed. "I really like the Lamborghini and all, but it's not what I would call inconspicuous. It's a 2010 Gallardo Balboni right?"
     "You know cars," Jasik said, a little surprised. He opened up the door, then released me. "Get in."
     I got in without complaint; I was pretty sure he wouldn't kill me.
     There was someone already in the car; this surprised me. It was a boy about my age, with beautiful dark skin though he wasn't African American. He had olive green eyes with a blank expression and somewhat shaggy disarrayed black hair. The boy was very good looking and if he smiled I guessed he'd have straight white teeth. He was wearing a suit and gloves. "My Lord," he addressed Jasik.
     "Raven," Jasik replied. "I think you've probably figured this out already but this is the guest of honor Elm."
     Raven nodded once. "Milady."
     Jasik slid in beside me. Now I was thigh to thigh with both Raven and Jasik. This was a little unnerving.
     Now I glanced at Jasik. He was staring out the window. His hair was shaggy and blond, his eyes a stormy gray with a little bit of gray in them. His skin was actually fair and I didn't see a tan really.
     Jasik looked at me and smiled. "Like what you see?"
     I opened my mouth but no sound came out.
     "Hm. You're quite pretty. Did you know that Elm? The long curly caramel hair, green eyes, fair skin....Do you have a boyfriend I'm coveting you from?"
     I blushed and looked down. "I don't have a boyfriend."
     "No? Surprising. Well that could change easily." Jasik chuckled.
     "Where are we going?"
     "That needn't concern you. But it's a fairly long drive. I suggest you sleep."
     I raised my eyebrows. "I don't think I could."
     "Why not? I'd rather enjoy it if you put your head on my shoulder. And I'm sure Raven wouldn't mind either. Right Raven?"
     "If you wish it so," was all he said, staring out the window. "Then I have no problem Lord."
     "Lord," I repeated. "Lord of what?"
     "Merely a title," he sighed. "My parents were a Duke and Duchess. My mother was the cousin of the queen."
     "Of England?" I asked curiously.
     "No. Of the Unseelie Court."
     I stopped in surprise. "So you know quite a bit about fairies? And your father wasn't executed right away same as your mother?"
     "I wish. Mother was killed the morn following my birth. My father was driven mad by fairies he couldn't see until they drove him to suicide."
     "Oh," I whispered. "I'm sorry." I didn't understand why he was telling me this when we'd just met. "My mother was the first hand maid of the Seelie Queen. A week after I was born she was executed. Father was killed by fairies when I was young too." Now I didn't understand why I'd be telling him that.
     "Small world. But you really should get some sleep Elm. We have at least a twelve hour drive."
     "I may not have a choice," I said, looking at the ground.
     Now what had I gotten myself into?

© 2010 makaylarayne10

Author's Note

Please excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes. If you have any questions about the Seelie Unseelie Courts just comment and I will answer to the best of my ability. Thanks!

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you have interesting characters, me like, . . .some advice dont ruch(you made the pace of the story too fast) and perhaps details? to help make longer, it seems like its missing somethings. . . .:( no third yet? Well i guess ill just have to wait and see then :)

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


I agree with the previous reviews, the dialogue allows for little character development. A few personal details about the characters and setting would help the story feel less rushed and more fleshed up. All in all, I found it interesting and am looking forward to reading a third chapter soon! Why did the fairies kill both Elm and Jasik's parents? Is it forbidden to mate with humans and produce offspring? Also, the Eugene O´Neil quote was lovely :)

Posted 10 Years Ago

You have the same problem as me. You lean too much on dialogue and not enough of the details. What does she look like? What do they? How about her school? The surrounding area? Does she have any strange mannerisms. Bite her nails when nervous? Blink too much? Blow her hair out of her face? It's first person, so there should be more on what she's thinking, how she's feeling, wether she's afraid of them or uncertain.
All we get from this, is that she's half-fae who is unemotional under any circumstances. I've started using an emotion thesaurus to help me with showing outward emotions and a character map to help me flesh out my characters, so I know what they're capable of.
Over all though, you get your story across, and it's a good story, so I look forward to the next entry. Hope I helped!

Posted 11 Years Ago

[send message][befriend] Subscribe
you have interesting characters, me like, . . .some advice dont ruch(you made the pace of the story too fast) and perhaps details? to help make longer, it seems like its missing somethings. . . .:( no third yet? Well i guess ill just have to wait and see then :)

Posted 11 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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3 Reviews
Added on November 14, 2010
Last Updated on November 14, 2010



Middleville, MI

Hey, I'm Makayla. I love to write stories and have been reading novels since the first grade, starting with Harry Potter. I love the Twilight series, Harry Potter series, Mortal Intrument series and P.. more..