What it is

A soft, LGBT love story. If you have ideological diffences, please be respectful.

                With all the lights off and blinds drawn tight against the world, Brooksville Apartment #34 sat suspended in a nocturnal abyss. Only the cat jumping from couch to couch disturbed the serenity that hung in the air.

            Alex Fairchild slept in his room undisturbed by the sirens and flashing lights outside his window. Gun shots were fireworks and the wild screams of teenage anarchy and rebellion carried only as whistling wind. His face remained relaxed and a small smile curled the edges of his lips. With the soft tap of a beating heart steadily growing louder he slept in peace. Dreaming of the next morning when he puts on the coffee, throws open the curtains, and steps out to face the day.

            The heartbeat that kept rhythm to his sleep began to bother him. His eyebrows furrowed as a deep, resounding pound burst across his ears every second. In a drunken stupor, he threw himself upright in bed and cursed the interruption. Someone was knocking on the door.

Stumbling through the small space, careful not to smash his toes on the corner of his chair, he made his way to the front door and squinted out the peephole. Throwing the door open, he rubbed his eyes and greeted the late night visitor.

            “What are you doing here?”

            “I just really needed to talk to someone,” Kyle Simmons looked down at the corner of the door frame in shame, knowing that Alex was too kindhearted to turn him away. Several moments passed as they stood perfectly still in silence while avoiding each other’s eye contact by any means necessary.

            “Well,” Alex said, interrupted by a yawn, “You better come in then.”

            “Yeah… I wasn’t sure what to do,” Kyle walked into the warm apartment and rubbed the back of his neck while Alex went around, turning on the lights and the coffee maker. “I was just starting to get overwhelmed there. I really wanted to talk to you.”

            “Mhm,” Alex gave him a nod, reassurance that he was listening. “Coffee?”

            “I’ll take a cup.”

            “Alrighty then.” Taking his time to fill each mug three quarters of the way to the top, Alex brought over the steaming cups, set them on his table, and beckoned Kyle to join him on the couch.

            Sitting cross-legged with one hand rested against his face, his hair hung over his eyes in sloppy strands. He tousled the blond clumps trying to coerce the mop to settling in a more tidy position. When he looked back up, the same locks of hair still blocked his vision.

            “So, why do you need to talk to me?” he asked carefully as he sipped on his coffee, “Why aren’t you in bed?”

            “Brad was over tonight.” Kyle said, his voice low enough to hit the floor, “We had another fight…”

            “You can’t come running here every time you get in a spat with your boyfriend.”

            “I know, I just… I…” Kyle looked up at Alex, his soft hazel eyes glistening.

            They sat in silence for what seemed like hours. Alex stretched his lean body against the couch and looked back up at Kyle who was twisting strands of long brown hair through his thin fingers, letting the follicles fall back down and rest just above his shoulders.

            “Why do you keeping going for these jerks?” Alex said, his eyes fixed on Kyle, “I wanted to be with you. I told you.”

            “I’m sorry…”

            “Yeah, so am I,” he looked around, snapping his fingers for his cat to jump up and join his side, “But it is what it is.” Taking a deep breath, Alex stroked the soft fur of his cat while he strived to suppress everything. That little jump in his stomach every time he watched Kyle approach, the electric tingles of energy they shared with every coincidental touch, and the warmth inside whenever Kyle’s small frame curled beside him and fit perfectly against his body. No. Those feelings were bad. They rose like gushing hot steam whenever Kyle came around and choked out in his throat. Alex prided himself on having a level head and calm composition. It felt strange that some kid from math class provoked his mind and stole his thoughts like this. Try with every fiber of his being to hold strong, he still caved with a soft breath to every flitting whim of Kyle’s.

            “Did he hit you?” Alex finally dropped his defenses. A few months back on a night similar to this one, Kyle knocked on the door with a bloody nose and bruises that ran all across his torso.

            “No.”

            “Did he yell at you?”

            “No…” Alex saw Kyle’s eyes moisten and grow red. His voice was weakening; each word falling out of his mouth in small squeaks.

            “What happened?”

            The floodgates burst open. Thick bullets started pouring down his face tracing wet lines that fell across the gentle slopes of his face. Turning away, he buried his head in the pillow while his back arched and trembled as he gasped for breath from behind the wall of hot tears.

            “He left,” Kyle said, refusing to look up.

            “You two broke up?” Alex hated these conversations the most. He knew why Kyle didn’t want to be with him; he understood their differences perfectly. Still though… He often thought of Kyle and them together. As he lay in bed at night his eyes would fix on the ceiling as images of their imagined life carried across his mind.

            Lifting his head from the tear-stained pillow, Kyle wiped the snot from his nose and looked away from Alex, fixing his vision on the blank T.V. set. He loved coming to Alex’s apartment. Always so warm and cozy, it filled him with peace. Here, at this place, he took off the mask that he carried with him and showed his true face. All the insecurities of life that built around him vanished. He hated doing this to Alex, knowing how the other man felt about the situation, but he couldn’t help it. Alex was his drug. No matter how much he hurt himself or others, he couldn’t pull away from this fatal addiction.

            His eyes darted to one side as he snuck a peak at Alex. His small, sharp nose and gently curved yet rigidly defined features set him into a strange category of beauty beyond masculine, feminine, or androgynous. Alien sex appeal that didn’t translate as well on Earth as it did on the home planet.

            Slowly Kyle closed the distance between them on the couch and rested his head on Alex’s shoulder, his hand gliding across the soft cotton of his plaid sleep-pants.

            “Why do you do this to me?” Alex grabbed his thick-framed glasses from the end table shoved them on his face.

            “I don’t know…” He shut his eyes and let Alex’s scent surround and hold him. Dancing his fingers across Alex’s knuckles, he stared at the chewed stubs of nails that crowned his hands. He grabbed Alex’s arm and rested his cheek on the broad chest. “I wish we could be together.”

            “I’m sorry my problems keep you away.”

            Kyle’s heart sank. Alex blamed his psychological state, assuming himself to be too broken for love. Emotion was a strange thing for Alex. Most of his life he existed within a realm of pure thought. During a summer many years ago, they sat under a bridge holding each other; watching as the water tumbled and spilled over the jagged rocks and debris. Kyle remembers Alex kissing him on the cheek and then whispering:

            “I’m scared.”

            “Why?”

            “I don’t know how to love.”

            It seemed like ages ago; a memory floating like a wisp of smoke through the air. Dancing and twirling as it fades in and out of sight; a thought that came through out of focus.

            “Please don’t say that,” Kyle said, dangerously close to tears again, “It’s not true.” Kyle couldn’t admit to the truth. Why he refused to let them be a couple. Boyfriends came and went in his life. Love was an expression of sex and nothing more. Deep down he knew none of them cared for him, just as he cared for none of them.

            Alex on the other hand was a mathematical constant. A force that stood solid and strong but lived with the grace and delicate composition of a garden pixie. A connection like theirs was too pure to taint with a relationship, too deep and complex to tie up with the dramatics and bullshit of the dating scene. If the day ever came where he caused Alex to hate him… well, Kyle couldn’t bear to think of it.

            Stretching up, he laid a soft kiss on Alex’s neck; his pulse beating under Kyle’s lips. “I’m scared,” he said.

            Alex looked down at him, “Why?”

            “I don’t know how to be loved.”

            They held each other for hours until they faded off to sleep with the cat purring happily between them. The spell and romanticism of youth slowly fading away to expose the sharp corners of realities. Holding on to the last thread before the curtain was torn away and they were left on display. Neither knew a damned thing about love, just that it felt good to lie together and share warmth. These nights they shared were the reason they couldn’t be together. Kyle knew that if the night ever came when he knocked and Alex refused to answer, he would die.

             

Author's Note

As I said, I respect your beliefs so please respect mine :)