Old Soldier

This is my first Villanelle, a format I discarded a decade ago, as the repeated lines made the read seem almost trite; I may have to reconsider!

OLD SOLDIER

Now, from the Field I'm fin'ly sent

And view my Soldiers, sick with Woe

My Fame and Fortune all are spent!

 

I cannot tell you where it went,

Nor how it did so swiftly go:

Now, from the Field I'm fin'ly sent...

 

My Fury, it will not relent,

Yet I cannot find aught to throw;

My Fame and Fortune all are spent!

 

I cannot e'en afford my rent!

What next transpires, I do not know.

Now, from the Field, I'm fin'ly sent...

 

From Brussels to Bruges, then on to Ghent,

I tread, forlorn, in knee-deep Snow--

My Fame and Fortune all are spent.

 

God seeks, I think, that I repent--

'til then, His Wrath will o'er me blow.

Now, from the Field, I'm fin'ly sent:

My Fame and Fortune All are spent!

 

March 6, 2009, 3:20 am

Reviews

[JohnL]

This looks fine to me however, I have one small comment. Your use of the apostrophe to maintain an 8 syllable metre is I feel unnecessary (fin'lly and ev'n) Here I feel you can leave it to your reader to adjust his reading to the ideal fow in a sort of compromise which respects, but frees us from slavery to, metre. Markymark may disagree - if he's listening, I'd like to hear his opinion. I too anm only learning - as are we all.
To me, the definitive V. will always be Dylan Thomas's 'Do not go gentle into that good night' (10) and he varied his metre somewhat.
I felt that your villanelle, because of its subject and its repetitions within proper form paid a very fitting tribute to the generation of wonderful young men of WW1, or the poor misled wretches who followed Napoleon to Moscow but never arrived, even the ordinary soldiers of Germany who had no options. All suffered so much at the evil hands of the power mad and the incompetent.

John

[Phibby Venable]

Excellent writing! i am jealous!

[Breezie Kae]

This is really good. I've never heard of this form before...I see the rhyming pattern, but are there any other patterns?

[Gregory Hill]

Great job, I'm not too sure what a villanelle is but now I guess I have seen one. I like the little comical relief you throw in there and the was it flows nicely. I had to read it twice to get the flow right because I'm so used to reading smaller poems, with 4-5 syllable counts, good job once again.

[Samuel Dickens]

Unlearned as I am, I didn't know what a "villanelle" was, but now I've seen one. A good one, too, I'll say. As always, your writing entertains me.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

What I have always loved about the Villanelle is how the use of repetition sings pleasantly to the ear. If the poet selects the right couplet, it will resound with the reader and be memorable for a lifetime. Hence, the familiarity of, "Do not go gentle into that good night."

While you must maintain form, it is one of the easiest poetic forms to master and is deceptively easy. In all honesty, for poets who truly love a challenge, it is understandable how the Villanelle can seem trite. It almost feels as if you are cheating when the same lines are repeated throughout the body of the poem. Once again, however, while this in and of itself is easy, the importance lies in selecting the right couplet. If the couplet is bad, the poem will be bad. If the couplet is great, the poem will be great.

Your form is impeccable. "My Fame and Fortune All are spent" is like a double-edged sword. While on the one hand the soldier's fame and fortune may physically be spent, his fame and fortune are ensured by virtue of historical renown, always woven into the rich tapestry of a nation's soul.

Here is another, much lighter villanelle by a more contemporary poet, Sondra Ball. Her subject is the villanelle itself, and the form is strictly adhered to, though she does allow herself some irregular rhymes:

Musical and sweet, the villanelle,
like light reflected in a gentle rhyme,
moves to the ringing of a silver bell,

its form creating soft and tender spells.
Like the singing of distant silver chimes,
musical and sweet, the villanelle

flows through the heart, and builds a magic spell
from sunlight and from shadows, and, sublime,
moves to the ringing of a silver bell.

It never arcs into the sharp loud yell
of vast pipe organs. Soft its climb.
Musical and sweet, the villanelle,

like a tiny and translucent shell
catching sunlight in the summer time,
moves to the ringing of a silver bell.

Soft and gentle, tender and so frail,
like light pouring through petals of the lime,
musical and sweet, the villanelle
moves to the ringing of a silver bell.

[Seriana]

Bravo!!!! Another who writes Villanelles! Ah, so refreshing Mark. I love challenging myself with traditional style. This is a wonderful topic, and it looks like ya got all the rules down. Awesome! Totally. :)

[LSS]

Mark, from your first comments about liking my measure, rhyme, and meter, I've been looking forward to start reading some of your work, as I felt that I might find in you a kindred spirit. This is the first, and I am not disappointed. You may not have been happy with this attempt at a revival of this style, but I like it alot. At first it seems choppy, until the reader gets the since of the order, then it begins to flow. I especially liked the repeat lines that keep the reader aware of the existence of the subject: "Now, from the Field, I'm fin'ly sent: My Fame and Fortune All are spent!" As a Vet, I believe we all originally had dreams of glory, sort of self-hero worship going, as we went off to war. Things didn't turn out like we dreamed.
Lar

[Sheila Kline]

Mark!
It is absolutely brilliant.......though I know not form, I understand the message of it, and it rests within my heart in a melancholy way!
It has such a beautiful flow to it that I can understand why it is a form of poetry that has been carried down through the annals of time, as it rests comfortably in the arms of the grace of poetic style!
Sheila