This Son Of God

Seems appropriate, with the Easter season upon us, to dredge up this old favorite . Written WHILE IN CHURCH on the flyleaf of a hymnal!

 

 

 

THIS SON OF GOD

 

When the priests to Pilate brought

This Jesus, and of him besought

A verdict, that He might be slain,

Pilate’s heart was rent in twain.

 

By questions and by wife’s dream warned,

Their envious motives seen and scorned;

“I find your rancorous rantings flawed;

“I will not slay This Son Of God!”

 

 

When the Earth began to shake,

And the stones in twain did break;

When the brightness of day went,

And the Veil in twain was rent,

 

Then did the soldiers quake, and rend

Their garments, and to Heaven send

Repentant prayers, in voices awed:

“In truth, this was The Son Of God!”

 

 

How many folk, throughout the years,

By deeds done, or forgot,

Have moved the Lord to angry tears

For error lived or taught?

 

Do I then sit by needless

Of the Grace my Lord has taught?

Persisting in pain, heedless

Of the Grace His Blood has bought?

 

 When my life came before Christ,

Did He languish by the side?

Or did He seize my sin foursquare,

Dispelling it as He died?

 

 When Christ’s life comes before me,

What then shall my answer be?

Will I then cowardly slink away,

Or embrace Him, and be free?

Author's Note

If parsing meter according to strict standards, it would be helpful to consider each PAIR of lines, rather than each line individually; the accents will then fall into place.

Reviews

[Jennifer Elizabeth]

"Though I do not agree with what you say, I will defend to the death your right to say it."

I'm not a religious person, but I still enjoyed this piece thoroughly. The flow was flawless and a the sentiment was beautiful. It's still lovely to see that some people view their faith as that -- as faith -- rather than as a pedestal.

[Helen Woodward]

You are correct Mark in saying that the flow is not right for a hymn, but the poem as a piece of prose is well structured with a clear meaning.
It is a truthful piece that will minister to all who read it. You wrote this in church? WELL DONE!!!

Cheers,

Helen~

[Joe]

This was great! What a great read. Also, thank you for your advice on my poem.

[Marie Anzalone]

I have shared this with a young musician who will appreciate it, I think- we shall see what she thinks of it.

Your faith shines clearly through this, in such lines as "How many folk... have moved their Lord to angry tears". I always think the true horror of the Holocaust was not so much in what the SS did, but in what the ordinary citizens did not do... stand up to each other. Call out state sanctioned harassment and murder as the evil it was. You can say, they were afraid... but which death is worse, I wonder?

I don't know. I was not there. I also obviously was not there 2000 years ago for the events you write about. But each in his own way, I think, must face the darkness in his own heart, what those in my faith call the "Shadow", the worst we are capable of doing to each other. It is necessary to face it to appreciate the light of the world, I think- that's the part we forget.

This would make a beautiful and dark hymn, and posits some very good questions. Thank you for sharing!

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

In reading this poem, the one thing that struck me was the use of the word "twain," not once, not twice, but three times. The word alone just because of its intonation really stands out. The fact that it is repeated three times seems forceful, almost as if you were stuck for a word and leaned back into the easy chair of this one. Just made me think of a joke about being "stuck in your own pew." :o)

Other than this, I love the poem. A poet never chooses inspiration; inspiration chooses the poet.

Great job!

[LisetteCanWrite!]

Wow.. this one is really good.. I can feel it would relate to so many and as others have mentioned could truly become a hymn! I say leave it be the way it is.. you really should bring this to someone with lyrical knowledge who specializes in hymns and it is one more based on reality of what people today feel.. Truly a worthy writing.. =)

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Mark,

Like all of your work, the quality is at a high level. And I can see this as a hymn as well. It would be very suitable. We'll not get into philosophy and the correctness of beliefs, since this is beside the point. We're discussing art, here, and this is a fine example of high quality art. So what to say? The poem is already good, but anything can be improved. In that spirit, I might comment that "rent" and "twain" are perhaps too frequently used. These are lovely words and I can see how one might easily do this, and pointing this out doesn't give you a particularly easy task should you decide to remedy the problem. But there it stands. This is not too serious of a criticism, but you'll probably want to consider this.

Very best of regards,

Rick

[AK]

Skillfully written, beautifully done.

[JohnL]

Now Mark - what were you doing writing in the hymnbooks?
There is a big difference between writing a hymn to be sung and writing poetry. A reader can adjust so many things in his delivery. In a community hymn this is not so.
In its current form, This will not make a hymn for congregational singing. Reasons:
a/ It will not fit into any standard hymn metre as the syllable count varies between lines in a random fashion. If you want to fit it to a standard hymn tune, it needs to be written to a standard metric form.
For example, Common Metre, 8.6.8.6. (How sweet the name of Jesus sounds) would not be far off, neither is Long Metre, 8.8.8.8. (Jesus shall reign where're the sun). There are many less orthodox metric forms but they are not to be recommended for the beginner in hymnwriting, and it should be remembered too that, the more complicated the metre, the more difficult the work is to sing - hence, many of the modern hymns (or songs as they seem to want to call them nowadays) are written with amazing verse/line metres that make them almost impossible to sing.

b/ The stress placement too is critical. The stress needs to be on the syllable that is important and this must be consistent. I wont go into the ianbics and trochaic here - suffice it to say that the stress needs to be on the syllables that matter, and the rhythm constant (variations are possible in poetry where you are not dragging a congregation along behind you). So, taking your writing:

'When the priests to Pilate brought', the stresses must be on When, priests, Je and brought,
so your next line has to stress the first syllable and alternative followers to be consistent, so tell me where the stresses go on line two to be both effective and consistent.

'This Jesus, and of him besought' They need to be on Je, and, Him, sought. (so 'This' is redundant) and the metre of the two lines is consistent but at 7. Not consistent with Long Metre but better. It is certainly not beyond you to flesh them out by one syllable.
If you like, I will see what I can do with the whole without spoiling it - doctrinally, we sing from the same hymn sheet! I'll also post you searately some of my work on hymmns and hymnody.

[An owl on the moon]

Very powerful and yes, quite lyrical in feel. Though I don't write music, I do hope you'll find someone who does who can set this in motion for you! Beautiful hymn...

[Gheeneil]

I sense the careful choice of words. Thus, each line flows softly and smoothly. This is a masterpiece, Mark! Whether it be in fast or slow beat, this will make a beautiful song. Though the former would likely fit it right because it's kinda lengthy lyrics.