That Frigid Black Sea

That Frigid Black Sea

A Poem by Mark
"

Inspired by "Titanic", a song by David Olney, heard on a broadcast of National Public Radio's "The Art of the Song", this last Saturday night...

"

You got up in my face,

I got under your skin....

 

You invaded my space,

Where no-one'd ever been.

 

I seemed frigid and pure

As I to your heart slipped

 

But in fact was unsure

Why my cold your soul ripped.

So, there could never be

Such a thing as a "We"

For you are quite you,

and I am just me.

 

Next time we might try

Just to sail swiftly by

Not to merge, you and I,

'Neath the cold, empty sky....

 

 On the frigid, black sea

 

 

From Hibernian shore

You pushed back, last week

 

They all said you were more;

They all thought you unique

 

You bought into their fiction--

They nor you had a fear

 

Convinced you were perfection

'Til to me you drew near.

 

So, I'll rip you asunder,

Mid your roars and your thunder

Too late, you see your blunder;

In your death throes, you wonder

 

If, next time, we could try

Just to slide safely by,

Not to meet, you and I

'Neath that cold empty sky...

 

As you slip swiftly under

 

That frigid, black sea!

 

 

 

 

© 2010 Mark


Author's Note

Mark
The song which inspired this poem dealt purely with that night in 1912 when the ship that was said to be unsinkable sank on her maiden voyage. This is less about that event than oher incursions more current to most of our lives. Also, just learned that, although she was BUILT in Ireland (from Hibernian shore), she actually sailed from Southhampton, so I may need to re-wprk that stanza.

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I really, really love this! I've had a thing for the Titanic ever since I was very young, so anything that inspires a lonesome image such as a frigid black sea is wonderful to me. I love the mirroring of that devastation to that similar one of a personal life. The things that could never be. I found that your rhythm in this was perfection and I kept lolling on and on with it, almost as though with a current. It mimicked the sea itself very well. While it may not be technically correct, I did enjoy the bit about the "Hibernian shore". Something about it, to me, echoed a bit of Poe, and anything that echoes him is amazing in my book. It adds an air of mysticism to the poem, a bit of mystery much like how one might wonder whether there wasn't a deity at hand in that tragedy.
Great poem!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Excellent Job! I could feel the frigid waters as I read!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Oh the damned foolish pride with which we build our aura then always that old enemy death

Posted 9 Years Ago


Really? inspired by a ship? I felt it spoke volumes of two people wrong place wrong time and a very bad merging. That's OK I am just a romantic and dramatic soul seeking love or tragedy in all I read. *smile* Actually it was well written and "the frigid black sea" I love that.

Posted 9 Years Ago


At times, NPR has been my exclusive muse, so I understand the source material here. I think you did a great job of conveying the intertwining of ship and narrator. Your first stanza being almost exclusively about a relationship, though I think with the sea...ala Brandy You're a Fine Girl, "My life, my woman, my lady is the sea," sing it with me!

the sea is a cruel mistress. Given that I find it ironic how we all want to be silors in one way or another.

viva la

Posted 9 Years Ago


Personally, I'm just as much a fan of free style but these seems, perhaps because it came from the inspiration of a song to have a melodic/lyrical quality, perhaps also to give it a wave like flow, so the line

I seemed frigid and pure
As I to your heart slipped

is a lot in this circumstance, to get the mouth around, the more I read it does beat out more naturally but it just seems awkwardly worded. That's me being picky though - the rest is very good, if my opinion is anything.

So, there could never be
Such a thing as a "We"
For you are quite you,
and I am just me.

I like that, it's quite quirky.


Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

You give this work such an enchanted, ancient feel... Beautifully done, and profoundly powerful in your telling. Excellent write, my friend...

Posted 9 Years Ago


Fabulous play on words, truly inspiring..........the metaphors are stunning, the crisp delivery, and every emotion we have all felt.......your construction of this based on a mighty ship that was swallowed up.......I really enjoyed so many powerful lines.............these my fave.

So, I'll rip you asunder,
Mid your roars and your thunder
Too late, you see your blunder;
In your death throes, you wonder

If, next time, we could try
Just to slide safely by,
Not to meet, you and I
'Neath that cold empty sky...

As you slip swiftly under

That frigid, black sea!


Posted 9 Years Ago


Wonderful use of the extended metaphor and allusion to the Titanic. The words flow like a raging sea. And the imagery of then and now bleed together really well to form a deeply moving construct. I was blown away by this piece. Well written.

Cheers!

Posted 9 Years Ago


ey Mark, this is a fantastic poem. Flows so beautifully. I love how you use the story of the titanic here to delve and play with deeper emotions. There's always something magical about using history past or future as the base of a poem. However most never achieve what you have, which is the ability to drive the poem with emotion rather than that historic event.

KGS

Posted 9 Years Ago


Thank you for sending this my way, I enjoyed reading this song greatly. It flows perfectly, and I don't think it would be a difficult matter at all to write music to this piece. With your permission, would I be able to show this song to my bandmates, in the possibility of making this a song with music? You of course would retain all lyrics rights.

Posted 9 Years Ago



Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

1104 Views
28 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 25, 2010
Last Updated on October 25, 2010

Author

Mark
Mark

Las Vegas, NV



About
Writing, for me, has always been the friend who brought out the best in me, and who would never argue with me, except when necessary to point out my many obvious inconsistancies. Writing and.. more..

Writing
K-20 K-20

A Poem by Mark


This Son Of God This Son Of God

A Poem by Mark



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


The Wingman The Wingman

A Poem by Mark