Hell

Hell

Oh righteous creatures,

with angelic features,

yet underneath is death and maul.

Clutching and forcing,

manipulating, coercing, 

she'd never have a life at all.

They'd preach and they'd peck,

a noose about her neck,

her life a horrible disaster.

They kept her in chains,

through winter and rains,

she the victim, they her master.

Something happened as she grew,

be it strength or fortitude,

vengeful plan began to beckon.

The cellar would do,

next to laundry and food,

thick walls their screams would deafen.

They were easy to catch,

against innocent eyes they were no match,

little lambs led off to the slaughter.

But how could this be,

they raised her well you see,

a most becoming Christian daughter.

She had them bound tight,

master was SHE this night,

their eyes bulging and a begging. 

Their fear, pleas and stink

plan beginning, on the brink,

oh the pain they'd most be dreading.

No need to be upset,

stop your crying and your fret,

for this rope has not a fray.

Then happened something strange,

she could not begin to explain,

why she'd felt this way.

Mercy and compassion 

in Sunday school fashion

rose all up in her heart.

Harm and painful destruction,

oh this change a slight obstruction,

she was glad she didn't start.

From her plan she made departure,

from the cruel and hateful torture,

which they did not deserve.

Vengeance is mine saith the lord,

who was she to wield the sword,

man, she'd had some nerve!

Heart pricked and refreshed,

she smiled with her best

and felt ashamed at all their dread.

So she put down her knife,

said to hell with this fight,

and picked up her gun instead.  

Reviews

[MoriartyMesa]

If i was to mirror this to music than I would say it would be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MxYsi5Y-xOQ
The wording reminded me of the song and it would make for a nice stage piece, personally I would say the music would be nice background, possibility slides of different images of hell. Yet again that would be the advice I would give for a live stage reading.

[Deuces]

Damn!!!

This was tight. The last line being the kicker... this keeps the reader tugging at each word. I'm in love with the rhyme, so I thoroughly enjoyed this. Fav.

[kublakhan27]

Wow...I'd say this is one of the most intense things you've ever written, and one of the most powerful...the rhymes and images gel perfectly :)

[tekphobik]

Lovely, lovely. Your dark side is something to be admired. It reminded me of a Blue October song I can't remember the name of.

[marlayesterday]

I have never thought of my dark side as admirable but I'll take it! Thank you!

[Pól]

twists and turns like a roller-coaster. Fantastic ending, because letting them off would have been totally unrealistic, and you cleverly lead us to think that what was happening. I suppose a quick dispatch is a mercy, but I just didn't see it coming.
Great job.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

A very catchy poem... it certainly gives the brain a work out... evil is very crafty and can not be taken lightly. I love that ending.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

I'm sorry but I laughed at the end. It was like all-serious and I'm thinking, "Wow... somebody's in for it." And then, as others have said previously, the "twist" at the end. Very nicely done. :o)

P.S. I liked your form on this too and the way you maintained it throughout.

[Southern Cross]

I have become a fan of your style. I wish I could master rhyme as well as you have. Your endings containing a twist which makes each one even more dramatic. Simply adore your work.

[Freedom's Child]

Great piece! Terrific flow matched with great imagery and mixed emotion of sorrow and anger really brought it to life. Great work!

[marlayesterday]

Thank you.

[Rtrt]

I find it funny when someone rights something so similar to recent things I have written. I love that. It shows me I'm not the only one that see's insanity in the world. A twist and more in depth version of my writing about Parental Control.

[marlayesterday]

I will have to check it out! :) Thank you for your review. No, dear sir, you are not the only one that sees insanity in the world. You are not alone! ha