Suicidal Love

I used to know a girl

And know her very well

But then one day it happened

her time to go had fell

She had died, there in her car

At the very place she had crashed

When I had heard, I prayed to God

That I could see her, just once more

Just to tell her what she meant

And that I loved her

I would do anything just to tell her that

Just to let her know that I care

But no, now I couldn't

It was completely impossible, improbable

And then one day I told my friends

That she was still alive

But they said that it was true,

That she had really died

I claimed that they were lying

But deep down in my heart, I knew

That what they said was only true

But still it brought me comfort

To think That she was here'

I do not think I can go on

 Now my life is filled with fear

She was pure and sweet and kind

But no longer could I wish that she was mine

I miss her oh so much

But sometimes I still feel her

Standing next to me

But I know that it can't be

I am slowly losing faith in life - I almost gave up

But then I got into my car and drove

To the very same place that we had met

Oh so long ago

I stopped there waiting, hoping

That something, anything would appear

And it was then, she came to me

And what she said was this:

"I wish that I could stay here

But you know that I can't

I died too soon to tell you

That I love you back

I may still see you, later on

But you need to promise me

That you will cause yourself no more harm

And enjoy the what is left of your life"

"I promise you" I said to her

"But will you promise me

To help me when I need you most

To come when you are needed

To protect me from my wicked life

By giving me the strength and will to continue on"

"I will do all of that

As long as you believe

That I am not completely gone

And my spirit still resides here in this world"

"I promise that to you" I said

"Good" she replied

"Now I have to go

But I will be back"

"But when " I asked

But she only said this:

"I love you

Good - Bye"

And it was then that I went home

To get some rest at last

But days had passed

Since I had seen her

And thoughts of suicide

Were running through my mind

She promised me that she would return

I told myself this repeatedly

And I promised her that I would hold on

But maybe it was all a dream

A good dream

 But a lie, all the same

"I knew that it was too good to be true."

I told myself while I was in my room

"A stupid dream

That's all it was

How stupid was I

To believe that she had come

To talk to me."

What proof did I have

That she had not really died

I had none

This seams so pointless

All this hope and belief

But then something happened

And I stood up from the chair

In shock

A rush of cold air

A slam of the door

A flick of the lights

And then in the darkness

I heard a sound

Like paper unfolding

I called out "Who's there?"

But I get no reply

The lights turn back on

And then I blink twice

In front of me there is a door

And on that door a piece of paper hangs

I take it and it reads"

REMEMBER THAT I LOVE YOU

YOU NEEDED ME AND I RETURNED

NOW YOU KEEP YOUR PROMISE

SO I MAY BE SET FREE

"So I may be set free." I read aloud

"What's that supposed to mean?"

This note makes not sense, I thought,

Why won't she come talk to me?

Maybe this is all just some sick joke

A prank or a game

Yeah, that's it

None of this is real

Not even me

Not any more

And it was then the thought occurred to me

That I can be set free

I can rid myself of this place

All this can be gone

And that is all that I want

For everything to disappear

For it to not exist

I don't want to live any longer

And then I went into my parents’ room

And crossed to their dresser

To where they kept a gun

I found it fully loaded

Which was good enough for me

I went back to my room

Shut the door

And said:

"Dear God,

I'm glad it's all over.

I want and need to be with her.

But she won't come to me

As she promised me she would.

So instead

Now I am going to her."

And with one step

I crossed the floor to the lightswitch

By the door

And a vivid thought raced through my mind

What about my parents?

Or my brother?

Or my sister?

Or any of the other family members that I have?

And my friends...

What about them?

I stopped,

Thinking for a few moments

I sat down at my desk and wrote a note

And it read:

I KNOW THAT YOU ALL LOVE ME

AND YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU ALL

BUT I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT HER

I LOVE HER MOST OF ALL

I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS

BUT I KNOW YOU PROBABLY WON'T

I'M JUST GIVING YOU ALL A WARNING

TO BE PREPARED WHEN YOU LOOK INSIDE

FOR THIS WILL BE

MY FINAL GOOD - BYE.

This is how my note had ended

And soon it would be my life

With this last task completed

I taped the note to the front of the door

And closed it,

One last time

And then I turned out the lights

And put the gun to my head

Next I pulled the trigger

And at last I was dead.

Author's Note

I you find any errors please let me know.
Let me know what you think now that it is finally completed.

Reviews

[Miss Suicide]

Oh dear..that ending caught me off guard. I expected it at first, but then changed my mind after he saw her spirit or whatever. Then that last line, just sweeps it away. Kudos and Adieu.

[Linda Stinson]

Oh, talk about sad and heart breaking. True feelings surface in times like this and you seem to be making a kodak moment of it. I liked the flow of the poem and it is easily understood. Most of all the emotion is there. A person never knows from moment to moment what life will bring to them. It is sad that most never realize that until it is too late. If there is more of this to come, please let me know.
In the line "Just to tell her what she ment" I don't think ment is spelled like that...where's the 'a'
"But deap down in my heart, I knew" I think it should be "deep"