The Searcher

In the wide deep four golden sharks shatter
The razor shell mask of the breathing beggar.
Razor shell sharks leap over a razor shell sun.
The long days are drawn out.

A razor shell mourner on foot
Whistles slow dirges on a loud tongue.
Steadily a calm wave caresses the sea grass
At the shore of the approaching beachcomber.

 

Glint of a future seen in a blackened dune,

A blind glare on a silver shard. It is only a nickel.

A twinkling of razor shells

On miniature castles.

A blue-green water sidles, even the tide tires.

Reviews

[JohnnyMagrinho]

This begs multiple reads. I like the continued use of "razor shell" to describe different elements of the piece.

The second stanza is subtle but effective imagery. I get a huge feel of Wuthering Heights about your work, not just this piece, but a few of your other poems resonate with that sense of forboding and remoteness.

The golden sharks and the breathing beggar leave the feeling of helplessness as well as threat and objectiveness, combined with the idea of hope derived from the nickel and inevitable demise of the castle, the overall feeling is one of harsh reality, that such things are commonplace in any life.

I think the second stanza is well placed and offers a break between both points. "Whistles slow dirges on a loud tongue" beautifully depicts the scene as well as the closing line "A blue-green water sidles, even the tide tires" being a subtle, poignant way to end the piece.

It's a very interesting poem and offers a lot.

[poetry-kiddo alienbaba]

Its a mystery of history of course...yours!

[Corset]

I read this and read this, gawd I love a good puzzle poem, one can just fit one's own circumstances into each line when the true intent is not readily available. it sounds as if something revealed, someone said something hurtful, a hero comes and calms the others, saw a bright and shiny treasure that turns out to be small change, but also a glimpse of something more, but the tide was too tired from beating the walls of a twinkling castle that won't fall and slows it's efforts to a gentle caress? I don't know, but it's righteous though! I loved it :)

[Rosalind Gale]

Thank you poetess -
-xx-

[Dr. Wood ?]

well I hate to be a party pooper but I can never see the point of repeating a phrase in this context. It is a great write but too many razor shells for my liking.....Sorry

[Mickey Hilts]

no disrespect meant dr wood, but maybe you should look a bit harder if you can't see something, saying 'i can never see the point' in relation to poetry is banal and short sighted.... sorry

[Dr. Wood ?]

I take it on the chin...This poetry is quite clearly above me and I am well out of my depth on this site. Iwas very tired and I have always tried to be constructive with my reviews...Maybe I should stick to kiddies rhymes...Simplicity itself...

[Dean Kuch®]

Whoa! Hold on there Dr. I think this site need far MORE critics and reviewers such as yourself! Unfortunately, sometimes you have to tell people precisely what they do not want to hear, some can take it, some can not. But, if you are careful and critique someone's work with decency and civility without being overly critical (for writing is very personal!), then kudos. You have always been civil with me. I'd hate to see you go!

[Rosalind Gale]

(my message in your inbox) Dr Wood, it really is absolutely fine - please, you do not need to apologise - it is your view on that one particular element of a poem. Of course, others may have an opinion on your opinion, that is fine too, Hilts.
Do not feel that you should 'stick' to anything - be who you are - really, continue to read, enjoy, appraise, and write.
I am not in any way offended.
Rosalind -x-

[Dean Kuch®]

Nice Rosalind! That'a girl...!

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I agree with Dean Kuch. This website is disgusting arid in terms of decent critiques and worthwhile insight. Reviews such as "Great poem!" or "I like this." are both a waste of everyones time as well as being sycophantic and pointless.

The point is, whenever critiquing a work, one must always back up ones opinion with validity and reasoning. To simply "This doesn't work because I don't like it" isn't good enough and should be avoided. That being said, some poetry on this website is rudimentary 5th grade tripe which seems to be received as if Carrie-Anne Duffy or Slyia Plaith had themselves been the author.

Another aspect of reviewing poetry is that, one should always be aware that no-one here is claiming to be better than anybody else, nor are they claiming to be published poets or authors. This should be seen as a platform for networking emotions, experiences and ideas within the confines of poetry and storytelling. Plus, a lot of poetry, especially within the context of being shared on a writers networking site, should be taken as perhaps the poets way of expressing a painful or emotional personal experience as a way of reaching out to others who can possibly relate. I think there is no need for bitterness, but definitely the need for constructive criticism which can benefit the author.

At the same time, if an author has written something poor and loosely constructed with little empathy throughout, then it's fair game to tear it apart. But on here that really isn't the case.

Alas, we would rather lick the arse than kick it in this café.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

disgustingly arid*

[Dr. Wood ?]

well I wish I had kept my lap top SHUT

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I don't understand why you wish you would have kept your laptop shut. Nobody within this comment thread has said anything negative towards you at all.

[Dr. Wood ?]

Apart from being called banal and short sighted that is. And THAT is when I should have closed my lap top...This is getting out of hand....Enjoy the rest of your life

[JohnnyMagrinho]

I didn't call you banal or short-sighted. I don't even think your review was particularly that bad. Calm down. It's just other people online who should have 0% affect on your life. You choose to react however you to do to whatever somebody else has written. Enjoy the rest of my life? I'm not the one who made that remark about you; in this case, ironically, you are being short-sighted in regards to my comment.

If you're over the age of 18 you should be ashamed of your childish reaction, but I'm sure you more than likely won't be.

[Dr. Wood ?]

You see, the problem with the internet is you cannot hear....you can only read....I am not a vindictive man....I am well over 18...I am not ashamed....Let this thing go..We all have opinions, I just feel that I should never have taken the wrong reaction when my review was critisised as it was...I am clearly not accomplished at such things. You were right in what you said about the reviews but we are all only really on here to showcase our work among...seemingly...like minded people...Poetry...as you well know, takes many forms...I am a novice with 50 years experience at writing ...what some might regard as drivel....some others may not agree....Words on the page can sometimes seem to be angrier than they are....I am calm...When I said Enjoy your life...I really meant it....There is no room for animosity in this community. Goodbye

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Your comment is still childish and short-sighted, especially in response to anything I have said. read moreYour comment is still childish and short-sighted, especially in response to anything I have said.

Ending a comment with "enjoy your life" or "goodbye" is just rather sensitive and immature. People don't talk like that 'offline' and so it contradicts your argument in your latest post. I'm not holding on to anything to let it go, so in that respect, again, you're over emotional. I haven't posted any animosity in regards to this, I am genuinely trying to understand why you have reacted like you have. There was no reason to do so. The only thing I can think of is there were two posts that are now deleted, meaning I am not aware of their content. Perhaps the reason for the reaction is connected to those responses? I don't know.

You're an experienced man, and even if you are inexperienced at writing I'm sure your personal life and those experiences transcend any level of writing and come through as at least wisdom in some respect.

I dislike your approach in wording your latest comment as you have really gone to town on your ... and negativity towards pretty much everybody in this thread who has backed you up on your point of view. In fact, everybody who has posted here in response has had your back and agreed with you, other than Hilts, or whatever his name is.

There is no reason, especially for someone your age, to react like you did to so many people who were actually agreeing with you. You've only accomplished one thing in my mind, and that is losing respect amongst people within this thread, especially me. Whatever your opinions may be on future poetry or aspects of life I will take with a pinch of salt due to your over emotional, immature outburst.

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Equally, writing a short, off-the-cuff comment about something on such a whim is rather self-righteous and poorly timed. I forgot it was you, Ceri, who was the 'putter-righter' of all debates on this website. My apologies.

[Dr. Wood ?]

I really think that this has got out of hand....You seem to be goading me in some way.....All I wanted to do was to write a constructive review...I am uncomfortable with that, but I tried...I was upset to be called short sighted...and banal...It WAS NOT YOU!...I only came onto this site to display my work. I am NOT a poet in the same sense that you are, and I apologise if I have upset you...I should not have reacted the way that I did to the remarks made to me....But it is hard for a humourist not to try and have the last laugh...Sorry if I have lost any respect...I can say no more

[JohnnyMagrinho]

Again, you're relating every negative point back to me, when I have nothing to do with it. I'm incredibly bored of the inane, worthless remarks being posted in this thread now. I stuck up for you, was on your side and you've continued to ignore that and reply with emotionally fuelled comments about a moot point. I never once made it out that I was against what you said, and you've, I suppose, decided to vent to me about it all when that's become irrelevant as you can see, if you actually read my comments, that I am only sticking up for you.

Whatever comments that may follow do not interest me as I know I am right in this situation and would rather be spared whatever non-important anybody else has to say on the matter.

[Mickey Hilts]

hey, i'm sorry dr wood, it was wrong of me to call you banal and all, I should've clarified, what I meant was really in general it is a bad approach to just give a one liner,. which is what johnnycal is saying i think, no point just saying 'love it' or 'no point to this;' without saying why. Again, I'm sorry for spouting it out like that. guess I just really like the poem for whatever reasons, as you do Wood, it was just that part. Anyhow, i didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything.

[Dr. Wood ?]

that's ok...As I said, I shouldn't really be reviewing what I call 'real' poetry as most of it goes straight over my head. I will just be careful in future how and who I review. I'm not on this site to score any points as I am sure you are not My problem is that I take things too much to heart...I don't mind if someone rips my rhymes to death but I clearly jumped the gun when I read your reply....Thanks for the contact.

[...]

Woooooooosssshhhh...think I"ve seen them sharks and beggars a time or two! This was a remarkably unique piece of art :) awesome!

[Dead HouseWife]

Beautiful *

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I guess "breathing beggar" is the new "underwater astronaut"
I like how the metal elements are dispersed through this piece
especially when the beachcomber arrives. I like the nickel as a plot device

it takes some extra effort to imagine shadows jumping over a reflection of the sun
and things of that nature, but it's worth the effort

[...]

. english is my second language ... so i'm not sure if i am reading this right ... it seems to me that the narrator of this piece is someone who is in excruciating pain about the past, the present, and the future ... the exquisite imagery tells me that sharks have caused much destruction ... "glint of a future seen in a blackened dune" tells me that the light that the narrator may hope for in the future is probably worth "only a nickel" ... the narrator's voice is poignant beyond measure as the narrator details devastation ... beautifully written ... (i hope i read this right) ...

[Mickey Hilts]

I too love the imagery and a strong sense of solitude covers the entire poem.Very good.

[Marie]

I really don't know what to say about this except to note that it has beautiful imagery