Summer Morning

Pantoum form

My wife and son chase butterflies
in the mornings of summer days.
Beneath the South Florida skies,
I watch as my family plays.

In the mornings of summer days,
my worries glide off with the breeze.
I watch as my family plays,
while I relax beneath shade trees.

My worries glide off with the breeze.
They drift to join the building storm,
while I relax beneath shade trees,
on days when morning seems so warm.

They drift to join the building storm,
those pressures rattling their cage,
on days when morning seems so warm,
I wait for the thundering rage.

Those pressures rattling their cage,
where sea breeze meets the heat of day;
I wait for the thundering rage,
while all my cares just float away.

Where sea breeze meets the heat of day,
beneath the South Florida skies;
while all my cares just float away,
my wife and son chase butterflies.

Author's Note

This was my first attempt at the pantoum form. It took a while to get the ending how I wanted it. Please let me know what you think.

"PANTOUM

A poem in a fixed form, consisting of a varying number of four-line stanzas with lines rhyming alternately; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated to form the first and third lines of the succeeding stanza, with the first and third lines of the first stanza forming the second and fourth of the last stanza, but in reverse order, so that the opening and closing lines of the poem are identical."
http://www.poeticbyway.com/

Reviews

[M. J. Smith]

Sometimes, finding beauty is as simple as pulling off the road and looking across the rolling hills for just a few moments. If we let her, Nature will show us what is most important in life: the simple things. Breathe, my friend. Beautiful images, wise thoughts, and an amazing setting. Loved it.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[M. J. Smith]

You're welcome, Sir.

[Ana Papaya]

I like this form Matt. I've never tried.
I think you did a super job. Fun poem and I had to chuckle of course because it seems it's always the way. The mama and child off to play while papa relaxes and enjoys the day.

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Anna. :)
This form was difficult for me.

[Ana Papaya]

You're welcome Matt. My pleasure. You made it seem effortless, I'd not have guessed.

[Julia Ledo]

I have never seen this form before so first id like to thank you for the little educational part in your notes. Secondly I have fallen in love with this form. This poem is lovely and the rhythm is so smooth and almost marching. Your poems are always beautiful and this one is so lovely in such a simple way with the imagery

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Julia! :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

This is the first time I've come across the pantoum form an dto be honest I'll never attempt it as it requires extremely hard work. :D
I'm absolutely amazed by the effort this poem must have cost you but, believe me, the result is outstanding. :) The repeated verses fall into place so perfectly that the poem has a mesmerising effect. The imagery is really strong and the scenery one imagines is so beautiful. Excellently comveyed! On the whole, it is a wonderful and skilful composition. Keep it up! (y)

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Bushra! :)

[Autonomous]

I loved it, I must confess though I hummed it making it into a song to me. It only made me enjoy it even more. I would've gotten to this poem sooner but it had been buried under read request. Great work as always!

[mattavelli]

Thank you, Zwsed! :)

[Wolf_Lord]

Excellent form and you carried it off well. The only counter indication that I have is the repeat use of words, IE 'days' 'rage' 'breeze' ' trees'
Your friend Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Wolf. :)
What do you mean? Can you suggest a fix?

[Ms. Twitch]

Thank you for the education as well as sharing this beautiful poem. I enjoyed it and look forward at attempting to write in pantoum form. Good vibes!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading. It's a fun form, was tricky for me.

[Joshua Marshall]

This is a really good poem! Thanks for letting me read it!

[mattavelli]

Thank you for reading it. :)

[Stan Lee]

Impressive. Not being a poet, I didnt even know there was such a thing as pantoum form but you've written a very nice poem here. Depicts a very pleasant peaceful scene. There are a few rumblings of darkness in the fourth and fifth stanzas but then it seems that you put them aside in favor of making the best of the present beauty around you in the final stanza. Very enjoyable write. Thanks for sharing. :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Andronicus! :)

[Natasha Sakurai]

Very refreshing piece! I'm not into poetry but I really like the sensory details this has to offer!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Natasha. :)

[dan]

Matt, A great presentation of the Pantoum form. I've only done it once myself, for a challenge in Starlite Café. It takes great discipline to write in these specific formats and you employ your discipline well. I like to sit on my front porch on summer mornings, especially to listen to the songbirds providing a musical entrance to the day. Very nicely done, Matt! take care...dan

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Dan. :)
I've always been a night owl. My mornings are lazy.