Mind Twist

A pantoum inspired by the faithful :p

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If you would let me twist your mind,

you’d see the spiral of my thought,

where any answers you might find

could be the very faith I sought.

 

You’d see the spiral of my thought,

a lie that you are flawed from birth;

could be the very faith I sought

is your denial of your worth.

 

A lie that you are flawed from birth;

it could be true, don’t toss the dice.

Is your denial of your worth

not worth eternal paradise?

 

It could be true, don’t toss the dice.

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul,

not worth eternal paradise.

Relax to it. Give me control.

 

There’s nothing earthly worth your soul.

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Relax to it. Give me control

and let the current feed the spin.

 

Let worship cleanse your heart of sin.

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

and let the current feed the spin.

Embrace your gullibility.

 

Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea

where any answers you might find

embrace your gullibility

if you would let me twist your mind.

 

 

Author's Note

Please let me know what you think.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Good to get your mind twisted. Keep the mind alive and working.
"Yes, slip into this bless-ed sea
where any answers you might find
embrace your gullibility
if you would let me twist your mind."
I did like the above lines. It is easy to twist some people. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[William Michael Reeves]

Truths so vague allowing the answers to twist distortions into truths. Give it up to a god who can't really give.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, William! :)
Have you written a pantoum?

[William Michael Reeves]

You stumped me on that one. I'll search it. Pantoum?

[mattavelli]

"PANTOUM
A poem in a fixed form, consisting of a varying number of four-line stanzas with lines rhyming alternately; the second and fourth lines of each stanza are repeated to form the first and third lines of the succeeding stanza, with the first and third lines of the first stanza forming the second and fourth of the last stanza, but in reverse order, so that the opening and closing lines of the poem are identical."

[William Michael Reeves]

I think some of my stuff is close to that but it would be coincidental. I live for poetic structure. Even if it's no structure. I have three I'm writing now. Two of them are still at a point I could use that. You ROCK!! Thanks for giving me even more to think about. Jeeeez!

[mattavelli]

These are fun to write. The first time I read one, I didn't like the repetition. Then I wrote one, and felt the same way about mine, but they grew on me. I enjoy poetry too. I mainly write in loose iambic tetrameter, with fun rhyming patterns. Have you tried writing metered lines?

[William Michael Reeves]

If you mean strict syllable counts my best one for that is 'The Thought'. Except for one line I changed because I considered the person who inspired the poem a 'forever being' and did a piece of art I wrote the poem over. A sketched hyper realistic eye and tear drop. As you may have noticed I am all about rhythm and meter. Except when I'm not. I like to loosely quote Robert Frost, 'poetry without rhyme is like tennis without a net.' I'm anxious to get back to your stuff and everybody else. It's a little overwhelming.

[mattavelli]

By metered lines, I mean patterns of hard and soft syllables repeated down the lines of a poem, providing a rhythm for the reader. I find your writing to be energetic and passionate.

[William Michael Reeves]

I see what you're talking about. I think that happens unconsciously sometimes. I like your ideas. I'm going to have to be more conscious of what exactly my form is. I just kind of make it up in the first stanza, then replicate. I hope you like the haiku I wrote for you. And don't mind that I devoted a poem to you.

[mattavelli]

Ooh, I'll check those out. :)
I think you should write a pantoum. They can be fun puzzles to write.

[William Michael Reeves]

Wow! I was just thinking about turning this one idea into a Pentoum and then I read that. I'm on it!

[mattavelli]

Awesome! I'll watch for the post. :)

[Betty Hermelee]

This is a form I am not familiar with. From what I read you are trying to trick the mind with foolery that someone will believe; and the repetition just proves it; we humans are all flawed, but not from birth; that is for the gullible; and I don't believe for once that worship would cleanse my soul, or anybody else's for that matter; but I think I get the point, even though I'm not gullible enough to accept it.
Well written Mat.. even though it it above my head!
Best, B

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Betty! :)
Its satire, a poke at christianity. The whole religion seems like blackmail to me.

[Betty Hermelee]

Me too, and you’re very welcome mat!
Best
B.

[Zoe Richardson]

This is a pantoum, isn't it? Or a similar format. I think it would be self evident that humanity is deeply flawed. To see that these flaws exist from birth, all one has to do is spend time with children. Do we have to teach them to lie, to hit, to take things from others, to be ruled by anger and disobedience? Yes, children are innocent, as in they are unaware of what is bad and good, but they are not born good. And left to their own devices, they do not become perfect, angelic creatures who think only of others and practice acts of self sacrifice and giving. It does not require a belief in any deity, or the opposite of a deity, to see that human beings have great capacity for evil and need powerful incentive for good.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Zoe! :)
Yes, this is a pantoum. You will never find a human that is anything but selfish. That doesn't make us broken. The people who told you that were domesticating you.

[Zoe Richardson]

Noone had to tell me that. I have spent years and years working with the smallest of humans. They possess a remarkable capacity for the worst behavior. As for broken...human beings are imperfect. This can mean broken, or it can just mean different. And as for domestication... several people have tried that. I did not take to it too well. I like freedom far too much.

[mattavelli]

Perfection is an imagined thing, like your god. I worked with preschoolers, each unique and lovely. We judge each other, its an aspect of socializing, but we should be realistic.

[Zoe Richardson]

Perfection is certainly unrealistic. Nature is not perfect. so it stands to reason human beings are not perfect, either. But I do see order and purpose in both nature and humanity. If you strip away the chaos, there is a design. People see what they wish to see, and refuse to see what they don't want to see. You don't want to see the design. I do. You say I am blind. I say you refuse to see. But this is not a battle. We are coming at the same thing from opposite sides, and can open up new sights by expressing our views. And that's a beautiful thing!

[mattavelli]

I dont refuse to see. Could you describe what I should be seeing?

[Relic]

I've seen this form before. I have to admit I get a little confused when reading a pantoam. I have to try and remember what was said in the last stanza even though lines are repeated being there's something else added to them. Hope that makes sense.

You do know more than I do about these forms.

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Relic! :)
You should write a pantoum, then I can read it and be confused. Haha

[Relic]

............................😁😃😅

[Suzanne Sonderleigh]

I love poems that repeat lines for emphasis. Thought-provoking for me. I’m not sure if this is the direction you were going, but it spoke to me saying Let Go and Let God. It could represent many ideas to different people. Well written!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Suzanne! :)

[Dave Brown]

Unfortunately I have to take medication to keep my mind where it is and any further twisting (by You) could be its undoing
But thanks for the offer.
Were U able 2 follow my directions

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Dave! :)

[KWP]

What is this type of poem called? Remember I cannot! Duh.

I was listening to a podcast today about how culture and tradition is malleable. Your words above reminded me of this. In this world today we have all taken knowledge, wisdoms, we have taken the earth, we all believe we are right. But know, if we take we must give, and understand we have come this far, it's just a turn around the corner to ultimate acceptance and equanimity.

And, just like your poem, it's all a bit confusing :D

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading! :)

[Lydia Shutter]

I liked the repetition of lines throughout this poem. We all have worth....those who do not recognize their own worth have a difficult time in life. There is much introspection here and a lot of thought provoking lines. Good one. Lydi**

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Lydia! :)

[Travis Gibson (poetic h..]

The intricate and sophisticated process you laid on this is in a creative class all its own! Definitely a piece to read over and over and grow from! Excellent!

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Travis! :)
What does your tattoo say?

[Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)]

Hero to few... the accompanying tat is on my back, and reads: Villain to many.

[lightsong]

not fair! You already twisted our minds but the problem that You left us with no real answer of (yes or no), truth I wouldn't mind at all for someone to twist my mind and do the "fixing" for me but I think this would be impossible LOL ok real review now :) this is smart Matt, You really stired the brain and the form You chose was perfect along your "twisting play" I believe the answer is different for each individual, your job was not to give the answer but to motivate finding it, and You did :)

[mattavelli]

Thanks for reading, Light! :)
I'm just parading the absurdity of it. Haha
It hurts me to see people confuse abuse with love.

[lightsong]

keep parading my friend :)