My Relationships

My Relationships

A Chapter by livelovelaugh98
"

Tiger-Lilly explains her life. She has no friends (just an obnoxious boyfriend) and a poor messed up family. Now shes seeing more and more images in her head...and they're not always nice.

"

I got to school at 8:55am. I just made it in time. When the bell rang for us to go inside I ran in. I have to go quickly because I have to go to the bathroom. I forgot to go at home before I left.

 I put my bag in my locker, grab my books for my first period class then dash to the bathroom.

 Lucky me when I get into the bathroom Katy's there. I want to run but I can't, I'll look weak. I can't let her think I'm scared of her. I walk in slowly and she turns to face me.

 "Oh look who it is! Miss.Tiger-Lilly! I see you still haven't cut off your hair yet, you really should, I think you'd look great bald! Oh and you might want to excercise more your gaining a few extra pounds there!" she says happily.

 "Why do you have to be so mean to me?!" I scream at her. Shes always picking on me for no reason! I want to know why she finds it so funny? Why she only chooses my out all the other losers in the school? 

 "You know why just as well as I do! So shut up!" she yells back.

 "No! I don't know why you're so mean to me! It wasn't my fault that your secret got out!" I yell.

 "Yes it was! You were the only one that knew!" she screamed now super mad.

  "Just because we were friends before and you told me your little mommy secret, doesn't mean that I told everyone! What if someone over heard?!" I asked. She can't accept the fact that I didn't tell!  

 "No that couldn't have happened! Besides do you know how humiliating that was? All I heard everyday was,'Oh look thats the girl who's mom dated and slept with Brad Kasher, the guy on the football team'! That's all I heard!" she screamed, then stormed out of the bathroom. Right then I knew I was dead. She would  never stop bothering me now.  

 By the time I got to class I was already late and still shoken up about my fight with Katy. I barely heard a word the teacher said. 

 Eventually I started feeling sick with fear, emotions and my past. I raise my hand.

 "Yes Tiger-Lilly" Ms.Barings asked. Ms.Barings is one of my favourite teachers. Shes never in a bad mood. 

 "I'm feeling ill may I go home?" I asked. "Yes gather you're belongings, check in with the office then you may leave.

 I did all that then walked home. I keep feeling hope about my brother rising then it goes down again.

 When I get home I decide to get some sleep. I lie down on the couch, close my eyes, and feel myself slowly drifting off to sleep.

 In my dream's I see a murder again. It's still my brother but the murdereur's not stabbing him he's beating him up! Hes kicking and punching him everywhere. The face, the legs, the arms! My brother's screaming in pain but the person never stops! My brother is now crying and yelling. I myself think I can hear myself screaming but it's too far away to tell for sure. I watch this horrible image feeling hopeless. I can't take any more of this!! Just as it started to get really bad and I felt like I was going crazy with anxiety, I woke up with a start. "Oh my god! I have to find my brother! NOW!" I yell into the open air.



© 2011 livelovelaugh98


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ali
I think your dialogue is really cute and quirky, and that is the impression i get of tiger lilly. however, if you read through the rest of the sentences, it sounds like you are just listing things- when she starts talking about a murderer and her brother, i don't believe it right away because she was talking about it like she was talking about a basketball game or something. I think that this can be easily solved with more detail and more variation in sentence structure. What you have right now is really good but you should definitely add more- not to the end of the chapter, but throughout it- add extra sentences where you feel that points are not as clear as they can be.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Suspence ... nice. I like it.

Posted 11 Years Ago


[send message][befriend] Subscribe
ali
I think your dialogue is really cute and quirky, and that is the impression i get of tiger lilly. however, if you read through the rest of the sentences, it sounds like you are just listing things- when she starts talking about a murderer and her brother, i don't believe it right away because she was talking about it like she was talking about a basketball game or something. I think that this can be easily solved with more detail and more variation in sentence structure. What you have right now is really good but you should definitely add more- not to the end of the chapter, but throughout it- add extra sentences where you feel that points are not as clear as they can be.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

The dialogue is great. Split up who is talking to one person per paragraph and your fine. It is a good write. It is a great story so far.

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I wonder whats going to happen next!!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I hope everyone is alright./: oh boy.

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Can't wait for more :D sounds interesing so far :)

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Ahh! Wheres the bro?! Katy's a b***h (why is it always so???) and Tiger-Lilly's awesome..
I

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Whoa, hope her brother's alright... A nice chapter, very interesting indeed, I look forward to more~

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

daaaaamn i hope her brother is okay!!!!

Posted 11 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on December 21, 2010
Last Updated on January 1, 2011


Author

livelovelaugh98
livelovelaugh98

Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada



About
My name is Maura. I am 15 years old. My best friend is Naomi. I like to write mysteries. My favorite book is Crank by Ellen Hopkins. My favorite movie is The Hangover. My favorite band is Mariana's Tr.. more..

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