You asked for suggestions and I have obliged: your write is beautifully and exquisite as it stands, but please view my revamped interpretation of your piece!
Oh, how bad love burns
My blazing heart is
Black
Marshmallow sweet but
Singed and scorched sinister
It crumbles yielding to the wind
Like burnt light paper edges
Flyaway soot ashes
And find a blacksmith prince
He will forge a golden heart
Indestructibly heavy into my chest
So I cannot possibly
Lose it to love again
Hope this is to your approval - :-)
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
oh wow! love your edit *~* thank you for your version, it is vivid
Am agreed to the suggestions of Phill Oz O'fee and that was really appreciating.....
And the writing that you made first is just made me feel that black heart!
Even if it needs construction still it lives among the wow writings carrying it's true pain...
Great read😊
The imagery of this piece is spectacular, I actually saw the heart crumble and fly away like ash in the wind.. It made me teary-eyed as I felt the heat and emotion of the piece sinking my own heart. I love how you challenge love to hurt you with new found resolve in an armour of defiance from being hurt by the one thing that's supposed to heal. I genuinely love this poem a whole bunch. It's short but says so much, great job, wouldn't change a thing!
Posted 5 Years Ago
5 Years Ago
this means a lot to me... a lot was put into this poem and i'm glad you can feel it
You asked for suggestions and I have obliged: your write is beautifully and exquisite as it stands, but please view my revamped interpretation of your piece!
Oh, how bad love burns
My blazing heart is
Black
Marshmallow sweet but
Singed and scorched sinister
It crumbles yielding to the wind
Like burnt light paper edges
Flyaway soot ashes
And find a blacksmith prince
He will forge a golden heart
Indestructibly heavy into my chest
So I cannot possibly
Lose it to love again
Hope this is to your approval - :-)
Posted 5 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
5 Years Ago
oh wow! love your edit *~* thank you for your version, it is vivid
20
i just write sometimes to cope with how i feel
don't mind me, my depression, and my broken heart
through writing and music, i hope to heal
until then, welcome to my sadness more..