The Darkened Soul

"about the darkness everyone has inside"

"The Darkened Soul"

My soul is like a thousand coals

Burning after the fire

Red with passion, despair, and oh so lonely

But black around the edges

Already been burned before

From the passion and despair

On its way to ash, to nothingness

The black abyss

This is what I see in my dreams

I run but nowhere to run

I Scream, out of what, I'm not sure

But I hear no sound,

Not even my own voice

I see nothing beyond the darkness

What could this mean?

Loneliness, despair, again, I’m not sure

Nowhere to run

Nowhere to go

All I see is the void

Not tired, not even fatigued

From the endless running

To get somewhere, anywhere

But yet finding naught

And seeing nothing but the darkness

But wait, a flicker of something

Could it be?

Why yes I think it is

In the distance there is something

Red, hot, with passion

The passion and desire that I have once known

All I need is one touch

Then I can feel if this thing I see

In the void is for me

I run but I can never reach it

I am stuck miles away from my existence

But can never find what I have been searching for.

Reviews

[Jenny Nelson]

I do really like this! While "happy endings" are nice if you can get them, I don't think most are so lucky. Might as well be honest about your feelings, which this piece does well. It's not all gloom and doom and has a bit of hope in the distance which makes it more "comfortable" to read without losing the integrity. I can certainly identify with the emotions in this; good job of conveying yours.

[Lucy Joan]

Dark and chilling and full of passion. I can clearly imagine this poem through an image; your description was very thoughtfully written. Awesome diction and emotions expressed as well. Great write.

[black_rose_obsession]

I had a dream like this once. I really love this piece, it captures the feeling of a lost soul with little hope left, but still it doesn't give up the chase for that soul. My my...beautiful. KEEP WRITING!

[funeralmoon]

this is very good i like the chase and i love your anguish that is everlasting, the torture is terrific.. great job. :D

[Sonya]

Meaning, struggle, and effort, excellent.

[Maykay]

Thank you J.K.P. I have fixed those typo's if you cant tell :)

[J.K.P.]

I liked your simile at the beginning, comparing your soul to coals. It immediately drew me in. I noticed just a few things:
I believe in your line, "The black obis," you meant to use "abyss" rather than "obis," which are Japanese sashes.
Also, in this line, "I am suck miles away from my existence," "suck" should be either "sucked" or "stuck." Those were just a few of the typos I caught.
However, this piece flowed very well from beginning to end. I liked your choice of words. I know exactly what is feels like to have been hurt, to search in darkness, and to hope in vain for something better. Thankfully I pulled out of that dark, self-pitying hole. Thank you for sharing this, it was a pleasure to read. :]

[Twilight]

This piece made me think, of the ongoing search for meaning, which many of us seem to have! Also, that ongoing struggle, to free ourselves of the darkness, which tends to blight our lives in various ways. However, near to the end of this poem, it seems to turn into an expression, of a woman's eternal quest to find that perfect love?

It's great that you have joined the "Dark Poetry" Group, by the way! I look forward to reading more of any writing, which you add for us to read, review or share!

[Jemma]

Very good poem.
It flowed suprisenly well.
It intriged me.
It drew me in because I have also felt like this.
I think most of us have at some point or another.
Dark but also with a slight sense of hope. Great write.

Ps. Thanks for joining my group :)
Love your writing!