Together, but Alone

Together, but Alone

A Poem by Mazie Tackett

We might be together,
But I am still alone.
Staying away,
Not wanting to be close.

Hiding behind a mask,
That shows smiles instead of pain.
Pushing it all away,
For emptiness to gain.

No tears come to my eyes.
Just smiles to my lips.
Not complete broke,
Just a bunch of tiny rips.

© 2013 Mazie Tackett


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Just a bunch of tiny rips, now this is inventive, true wording,

Posted 7 Years Ago


Another excellent poem from Ms. Tackett. Bravo, hon.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This was excellent, thank you for sharing!

I would take a look at your last stanza, though...

The first two follow a type of grammatical cadence. Comma, period. Comma, Period. The last stanza could and should followthe same cadence. Also, the third line in that last stanza has some wording issues that will be easily addressed with a simple edit.

Outside of those simple fixes, I thought that this was terrific!!!

Posted 7 Years Ago


its a great poem

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like this a lot. This is such a real and relatable circumstance and you capture it simply and bluntly. Each line feeds into the next with the reality of the feelings you have. One suggestion: "not complete broke" doesn't make sense, do you mean "not completely broken"? Just pour over that one for a minute. I am sure you will find what you mean. That line has a bunch of ways it can go. Great work!

Posted 7 Years Ago


My stanza was the last one, because its like, your not quite dead, but being tortured from the inside. You really caught the essence of it and I like it a lot!

Posted 7 Years Ago


I freaking love this! Mazie Tackett has once again hit a home run! :)

But I really love how I can feel/see the emotion put into this! If this is from experience then keep strong girl! Keep up the amazing writing! You should be very proud of your work. :) Great job.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is sad and really adorable at the same time. It seems to describe a lot of relationships, where one person feels insecure and doesn't think he or she can be loved.

Posted 7 Years Ago


You capture the sadness of being in a relationship where the love from one end is dying and you are desperately trying to hold on and make things work. In your words I was there. Great job!
*typos (complete should be completely)


Posted 7 Years Ago


Great wording, and amazing rhyme scheme. It has a nice flow and emotion just seems to seep out from the lines.

Posted 7 Years Ago



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567 Views
13 Reviews
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Added on June 9, 2012
Last Updated on May 8, 2013
Tags: poem, rhyming, rhyme, alone, pain, hiding

Author

Mazie Tackett
Mazie Tackett

AR



About
My name is Mazie Tackett. I'm unusual, diiferent, weird. I've never really been that good with people so I don't have many friends, but the friends I do have love me to death and i love them. I've bee.. more..

Writing
Red Red

A Poem by Mazie Tackett



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