Mother

My mother told me she is sorry I am her daughter because I attract the broken, just like her. She said that our hearts are so pure and souls are so old. We've been here before, we know the answers. We know how this game called life works, we know no one actually wins it. No one places number one, we all come in last, just in different ways. 

She said we are scared, so that is why we attract the wounded. She said our childhoods forced us to learn how to survive, and how to take care of our little brothers. We dealt with the abuse of addiction, and the pains of abandonment before we could even count to one hundred. We learned that life cuts you down the middle and rips your heart out without any hesitation.

She said we are glued back together, that is why we attract the fragile. She said we abuse the substances around us, because that's what our fathers did. We learned a quick fix, for the lowest feelings. We destroy our bodies and allow unwanted men into them. We think we want them when the tequila is six shots down, but in the morning we shower off regret and the strangers we woke up next to. 

She said we are strong, so that is why we attract the weak. She said we know everyone is capable of playing this game all the way through. We know that the low points will knock the wind out of you, but the highs, the highs feel so good. We know that this fucked up world is so beautiful, and that each person is worthy of happiness.

She said we are warriors, so that is why we attract the hunted. She said our ability to fight through every single day is due to knowing how is feels to be drowning. We learned how to swim before we could crawl. We know everyone learns how to swim at different paces, we all learn how to fight at different speeds.

She said we are still human, so that is why we push away those we want to help. She said we learned how to deal with pain years before others knew your heart could hurt, and hate could be directed at yourself. We know the feeling of breaking through, we know how peace comes from the madness. 

She said she is sorry, she sat me down and told me how sorry she is she brought me into this world. She told me that she never wanted wanted her daughter to have to live with a mentally ill mother like she did. She told me she never wanted her daughter to have to take care of her little brother. 

She told me she is not sorry that I have the same heart and mind as her. She told me I will feel things ten times more than they are, but I will also love that hard, fight that hard, and think that hard. She told me I will survive.

I am telling you that you will survive. I am telling you that you can beat the wave that keeps pulling you under. I am telling you to feel with all of your heart, but think with all of your brain. Never do anything half-way, and only pursue what you care about.

I am telling you that no one has it good, but we all have the same odds and chance of making this s****y world a little better. 

I am telling you that your feelings are valid, your hopes, dreams, ambitions are all valid. Your anger, pain, failures are all valid. Your thoughts that scare even you are valid. 

You are valid

You will survive

You will find your peace

Just give it some f*****g time

Trust the process

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems this just how I write.

Reviews

[Sydney]

Some people need to read this. This poem made me feel a little more powerful. I've never read a poem like this, so different and unique. I also really liked how you kept referring to the things your mother has told you, but explained it into something more. Beautifully done!