untitled...

As the world crashes

down around their fragile

cries for help. While their

minds wonder why bad things

happen to good people...

 

For they had believed in the

Almighty One. They had sinned

but they were forgiven. And

they were repaid by the pain

and aggony of their lonliness...

 

And by the morning's light,

the two of them would be the

suicide that no one would

really bother to remember...

 

Becuase no one cared,

no one stood out,

no one bothered to help,

no one believed... </3

Author's Note

plese review and be honest...not one of my best pieces :/

Reviews

[J. J. Nightingale]

Wondering who "they" were .. But it doesn't matter .. could be two of any age .. Anyone feeling that no one cares what happens to them, is a sad story indeed .. And one that plays out daily, around the world .. ..

I like .. And I hear your words .. .. Jasmine

[Rae]

I actually found this piece to be quite interesting. My favorite parts are: "And they were repaid by the pain and agony of their loneliness..."; "And by the morning's light, the two of them would be the suicide that no one would really bother to remember..."; and "No one stood out, no one bothered to help..."
Even though I know you're my age, I would have imagined you to be much more grown by the way you write. You have a talent, there's no doubt about that; I believe that you could write any type of poetry you would like. Personally I would like to read a happier piece of yours, just to see how you do with it. :)

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

Well it is more structured than you usually allow yourself to be, but it works, maybe a little edit, but a clear message, well done good read.