the sun

the sun

you were the sun

i was the earth

everything revolved around you

i revolved around you

you decided whether my day would be dark or bright

i never had a say

i had to continue revolving

in the summer my days were fun

but the lonely nights lasted so long

& in autumn

i fell like all the leaves

but winter came

& you became cold and bitter

i left

yet i always wanted to go back

spring came

& my eyes stormed or salt water in april

& from when the flowers bloomed in may

i decided i don't need a sun

to decide the weather of my days

i am whole on my own

i do not need you

i have myself

& that's all i need.

megan rivera

Reviews

[Tepo]

Great start Megan
Easy to read, that's always a bonus
Personal
And has a strong message
There are many very good reviewers on here who will advise as you asked
But
I'm afraid I can't fault it
Welcome
Looking forward to reading more from you

[Peter Garfield]

I am someone who really loves flower metaphors, I think it can speak to so many things! I also think this poem is so so relatable. We have all known heartache and strong emotions just like the seasons themselves. You have great talent as a young poet and I hope to read more of your writing!!

[Chris Shaw]

A delightful poem Megan. I enjoyed your poetic expression here and the message in your lines. You have grown strong. You are your own sun. You have turned a negative into a positive. Well done.

Chris

[Poetic Beauty]

We need to place ourselves with self care and not revolve around someone else who is neglecting us.

If two people revolve around each other it is a beautiful dance in love and allows each person to be themselves but also a partnership but if only one person in the relationship is in the ever continual circling of the other then it falls apart quickly.

Love the creative concept of using weather and revolving in this poem to relay the emotional message.

[Relic]

Good poem. Some suggestions:

but the lonely nights lasted so long
& in autumn
i fell like all the leaves
but winter came

Try - then winter came.

& my eyes stormed or salt water in april (this is an odd sentence)

& from when the flowers bloomed in may (leave out the word 'from').

[megan rivera]

oh, my, gosh. i made a typo LMAO. it's meant to stay they stormed "of" not "or". thank you so much for your feedback, i appreciate it

[Relic]

No problem. 😁

[Chris]

So many view and construct their total sense of personal value and worth around another person...

[light and ashes]

This is exactly how I feel in my relationship right now.