The gray Witch lives

The gray Witch lives

A Story by Angelove

As she walked along the lone river, thinking to her self she twirled her golden red hair between her fingers...A beautiful soul she was, yes very much but, she wasn't in the right state of mind sometimes. She wasn't like any other human. She craved for human souls. To stay young and pure, never to let a single Virgin live. Mostly little girls or boys. But today she was hungry and wanting to find food. 
   She had a plan spinning in her wicked head. Her fox grin grew bigger and bigger as she approached a small little town. She knew that there was going to be someone to steal...Nothing was going to go wrong...there was always someone out at night, always boys and girls acting big and tough, trolling around in the small graveyards. Them smoking cigarettes they had stolen from there mothers or fathers...dressed in a gothic dress or corset and knee high skirt. Big bulky black boots. She laughed at the thought of that. She had been to the time where gothic was a way of living. Now they used the gothic word for a style someone dressed in... "stupid humans" She spat out! "You disgust me, nasty things you are!" She snarled at the thought of coming face to face but, she had to if she wanted to live. 
  "What if i just let myself die, like i was suppose to a long time ago...I wouldn't be so snaky like. OR evil, I'd enjoy interacting with the humans....No, No, NO! You stupid little thing, you weren't meant for the humans." 
   Crunch! Crunch! The witch turned around...Some one was following her...but who was the question...See didn't see anything, or anyone. "Who is there?" she said so vile that she made every little thing shrink in fear as she spoke...Then as she was going to turn around her most hated enemy  came flying out of the woods with a dagger in one hand. She hissed at the sight of him. "You ugly basterd." She flung to the right as the man tried to strike her heart with the golden dagger. 
"You aren't going to kill anyone on my watch Lindeth Single B***h!" He tried striking again but she moved to fast...she moved like smoke, thin and misty. "Let me kill you, i know thats what you want." 
"Not with out a good fight Remare, you also know i love a good fight." She gave him an evil grin and ran to the water. "You'll have to catch me first, you always do!." She yelled. Then she was gone, she had became invisible into the water. Remare sullenly walked away. He knew she was gone and it would take months of tracking her down to find here. But, that wasn't enough, she would have killed a thousand people before he actually got to kill her...
  He wouldn't stop though, not until the day he dies.

© 2013 Angelove

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There were some grammatical errors, so I think you should revise the story when you get a chance.
But, I don't want to nit pick, so I'll just point out a few things that caught my eye.

"Then she was gone, she had became invisible into the water." -- I'd recommend re-writing that sentence.

"He knew she was gone and it would take months of tracking her down to find her." -- I think this sentence could easily be "He knew she was gone, and it would take months to track her down."

"stupid humans" She spat out!" -- "Stupid humans, she spat." Would do just fine.

"What if i just let myself die, like i was suppose to a long time ago...I wouldn't be so snaky like. OR evil, I'd enjoy interacting with the humans..." -- This was the only sentence that irritated me. I just couldn't see the witch saying it - or anyone for that matter.

"She craved for human souls." -- 'She craved human souls,' is fine.

Overall, an interesting piece. I enjoyed it. Writing in from the witches perspective is a bold choice, but you did well. However it felt like you crammed a novel into a short story. There's a lot here that you could build on, and I know I'd certainly love to read some more :)

Do a bit of revision, and if you come up with something more, or even decide to re-write/expand this piece, let me know.

Keep at it, you've got talent.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Pretty sweet! Straightforward. Could do with some history to the witch e.t.c

Posted 7 Years Ago

I like it! The only problem is I kind of want to read more about it now! Good Job!

Posted 8 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I really love its straightforwardness. Really enjoyed it. Great job :)

Posted 8 Years Ago

Very beautiful

Posted 8 Years Ago

Congratulations, you scored

as i compare you to the prince of darkness.

Posted 8 Years Ago

Nice and short straight the point. I have to say, I like the beginning and the point of view it was told from. Great story.

Posted 8 Years Ago


8 Years Ago

it was good great write

Posted 8 Years Ago

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8 Reviews
Added on January 21, 2013
Last Updated on January 22, 2013



Manchester, MI

I have a passion for writing and I can't live without it. It helps me escape to different places when I'm upset. I also love to sing. So hope you like my writing! more..

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