i'm thinking Iceland

i'm thinking Iceland

A Poem by mercy party
"

#5

"
these damages were not unforseen
you know i've tried everything
to make you understand
i've been folding winning hands
and taking bullets
i run the gauntlet
for you
and we wont live this legend anymore
because we're dead,dead in the water 
in the muck pile no one will ever know what we had,
do you even know
why should i bother?
classic cut and run
to a far off island
i just want to go 
as far away from mexico
as i can, as i can
i'm thinking Iceland 
and maybe just maybe 
you'll catch up on lost sleep
stop being such a creep
what are you gonna do 
when he follows through
and he's not gonna be so honest?
a sad divergence -
has been coming to you,
maybe then you'll be true
maybe then you'll be true

© 2017 mercy party


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Featured Review

• these damages were not unforseen
Uhhh...what damages? You know. The person this was written about knows. But the one you wrote it for? They can't even guess. And it matters not at all if you clarify later, because "Huh?" once said cannot be retroactively removed.

You had context as you wrote. So it has meaning. Doesn't the reader deserve the same?

• you know i've tried everything
Actually, I don't. I don't know what we're talking about, or what I've done (or who you're talking to if not me).

• i've been folding winning hands
What can this mean to someone who knows neither party, what the line refers to, or the smalllest thing that led to this?

Never lose sight of the fact that the goal isn't to tell the reader things, or talk about how you feel. it's to make them FEEL.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

7 Years Ago

Thanks for an honest evaluation. I will take what i can from it and work harder. I find what you sai.. read more
Lauren Nicks

7 Years Ago

I actually really enjoyed this writing. The beautiful thing about poetry (one of the main reasons wh.. read more



Reviews

This was an enjoyable read and I can only guess this is about someone you either liked or had some sort of realationship with.

I quite like the first stanza the most it just somehow spoke the loudest that and it sounds cool that's always a plus.

Did you put the same two sentences at the end on purpose because I think only one of them delivers a good stopping point and the second one just kinda feels like a run on for no reason.

Sincerely,Sir_Anonymous

Posted 7 Years Ago


mercy party

7 Years Ago

thanks for checking it out. yea, as far as the doubling down on the last line it was for the sake of.. read more
• these damages were not unforseen
Uhhh...what damages? You know. The person this was written about knows. But the one you wrote it for? They can't even guess. And it matters not at all if you clarify later, because "Huh?" once said cannot be retroactively removed.

You had context as you wrote. So it has meaning. Doesn't the reader deserve the same?

• you know i've tried everything
Actually, I don't. I don't know what we're talking about, or what I've done (or who you're talking to if not me).

• i've been folding winning hands
What can this mean to someone who knows neither party, what the line refers to, or the smalllest thing that led to this?

Never lose sight of the fact that the goal isn't to tell the reader things, or talk about how you feel. it's to make them FEEL.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

mercy party

7 Years Ago

Thanks for an honest evaluation. I will take what i can from it and work harder. I find what you sai.. read more
Lauren Nicks

7 Years Ago

I actually really enjoyed this writing. The beautiful thing about poetry (one of the main reasons wh.. read more
Oh wow. This piece seemed to break my heart, it's very sad but very well written. I loved how I could feel exactly what the writer was feeling. This is amazing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


Are you Johnny Cash?
I read #4 and it left me wondering where is this dude going to go. "in the muck pile" . Having a poker reference makes you an official Cowboy! I cant wait for more, what happens to the hero?

Posted 7 Years Ago


mercy party

7 Years Ago

I do where black : ). I'm glad this interests you. good catching the poker reference. You can count .. read more
Classic cut and run...
Yeah, I do find this to be very much something I can relate to. Running away from pain to greener lands.
It sounds like love ditched true love for something not quite up to par. Love the first stanza that shows all the sacrifices the speaker has made for love...

Posted 7 Years Ago



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15 Reviews
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Added on January 21, 2017
Last Updated on October 30, 2017

Author

mercy party
mercy party

Iceland



Writing
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