Could it be?

Could it be?

A Poem by mercystateofmind

Could it be that I’m too damaged to be in a loving relationship?

Could it be the molestation I suffered for years as a child leaving me to fear sexual relationships?

Could it be that I had the luck of being in a bad relationship, and carried that pain into a loving relationship?

Could it be that I would go from horrible, to good, to horrible, to good, to feeling this cycle is perpetual?

could it be that it’s been a vicious cycle that I never learned to break?

Could it be that I dated a woman who was just as mentally hurt as I was, and we couldn’t help each other?

Could it be I dated the absolute worse woman after that, leaving my mind to think there will no longer be decent women in my lifetime? I used up my chance. From here on out I should just be with those who hurt me.

 

Could it be the reason I have sabotaged any good relationship I even had the remote fortune of finding?

Could it be that I watched my mom cheat on my dad, only to let us know we were accidents who should be thankful to be alive?

Could it be I didn’t have any strong female role model who could show me that I can trust a woman?

Could it be I don’t want a relationship anymore, because I have put my hands on women?

Could it be I don’t believe I deserve love after what I’ve done to those who hurt me emotionally?

Could it be I never recovered or forgave myself, even if my victims did so?

Could it be I am a monster with a gentle soul trying to change?

Could it be that I just don’t know how to stop being angry?

Could it be?

I just deserve everything that’s happened to me.

© 2016 mercystateofmind


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I enjoyed reading your questions ,

Posted 11 Months Ago



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Added on November 2, 2016
Last Updated on November 2, 2016

Author

mercystateofmind
mercystateofmind

North Bergen, NJ



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just need somewhere to let it all out. more..

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Day 6 Day 6

A Story by mercystateofmind