Your Song Part 1

Your Song Part 1

A Poem by Undying Glory
"

A song/poem dedicated to all who reads this...

"
Your Song Part 1

Place the pen down, write in the darkest ink
Trying to concentrate, but I just can't think
About what to do and how to say sorry
So I wrote this one for you

When the night falls, I watch the distant stars
Hope they'll guide me to wherever you are
'Cause I've been gone, it's been so long
But I swear I'll always stay true

'Cause I know you won't forgive me
For all that I've done
You know I'm not the same
And also what I've become
So listen to this, wherever you may be
Like how we watched the sunsets, you and me

Think of all the happy days
When I'm just too far away
But I still see the sky in your eyes
And I'm sorry for all I've put you through
'Cause the reason this song was made is you
And I'm taking back all my twisted lies
And I'll hold you close as the skies turn ever blue
'Cause it's just me and you

© 2010 Undying Glory


My Review

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Reviews

While i get the sentiment of the poem, there were parts that didn't quite mesh together. Not sure what went wrong, and I think Luke was right in his assessment too. I suggest you read it outloud a few times, and maybe using some different words might make it more cohesive.
happy writing to you!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Glory... I don't know how to say this one, so out of respect I'll just say it:

While I liked this and was getting into it, the change in rhyming schemes after verse two was too jarring for me. The first two verses established a pattern that the third and then the fourth didn't carry and this made it difficult for me.

I'm sorry about that, truly. I think you're a great writer, so I believe you will appreciate the truth here, hard as that might be. If I didn't say it how it was, my review would be worthless. Hope that's all good. Keep writing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


very sweet

Posted 9 Years Ago


So sweet and lovely!

Posted 9 Years Ago


wow, This is fantastic!
It has a great flow and a beautiful rhythm :)
Great work!
(Adding it to my favorites)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Again, it's difficult to critique a song, but I'll do what I can.

You had a few nice internal rhymes, and I liked that the rhyme scheme wasn't ABAB or AABB. The first verse was well done, pretty interesting and original. It was another sweet one, this time dedcated to saying sorry to someone. I like that we didn't learn exactly what the nature of the crime was that the speaker committed. A good write, so far as I can tell without hearing it.

Posted 9 Years Ago


A very beautiful and emotional piece. Thank you for sharing.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Excellent.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautiful!

Posted 9 Years Ago


well done. I love it. keep writing!

Posted 9 Years Ago



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38 Reviews
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Added on June 2, 2010
Last Updated on June 2, 2010
Tags: song, poem, your

Author

Undying Glory
Undying Glory

Singapore, Singapore



About
The average guy you'd meet on the street, only with a hidden streak. Or several, for that matter. 24 year old, 4th year medical student, studying in Dundee, Scotland. Never underestimate the pow.. more..

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