Your Song Part 1

A song/poem dedicated to all who reads this...

Your Song Part 1

Place the pen down, write in the darkest ink

Trying to concentrate, but I just can't think

About what to do and how to say sorry

So I wrote this one for you

When the night falls, I watch the distant stars

Hope they'll guide me to wherever you are

'Cause I've been gone, it's been so long

But I swear I'll always stay true

'Cause I know you won't forgive me

For all that I've done

You know I'm not the same

And also what I've become

So listen to this, wherever you may be

Like how we watched the sunsets, you and me

Think of all the happy days

When I'm just too far away

But I still see the sky in your eyes

And I'm sorry for all I've put you through

'Cause the reason this song was made is you

And I'm taking back all my twisted lies

And I'll hold you close as the skies turn ever blue

'Cause it's just me and you

Reviews

[Ice QueenJen]

While i get the sentiment of the poem, there were parts that didn't quite mesh together. Not sure what went wrong, and I think Luke was right in his assessment too. I suggest you read it outloud a few times, and maybe using some different words might make it more cohesive.
happy writing to you!

[Luke Masters]

Glory... I don't know how to say this one, so out of respect I'll just say it:

While I liked this and was getting into it, the change in rhyming schemes after verse two was too jarring for me. The first two verses established a pattern that the third and then the fourth didn't carry and this made it difficult for me.

I'm sorry about that, truly. I think you're a great writer, so I believe you will appreciate the truth here, hard as that might be. If I didn't say it how it was, my review would be worthless. Hope that's all good. Keep writing!

[HorrorMaster]

very sweet

[PrincessZeldaWannabe]

So sweet and lovely!

[Sweets]

wow, This is fantastic!
It has a great flow and a beautiful rhythm :)
Great work!
(Adding it to my favorites)

[.shalynn.009.]

Again, it's difficult to critique a song, but I'll do what I can.

You had a few nice internal rhymes, and I liked that the rhyme scheme wasn't ABAB or AABB. The first verse was well done, pretty interesting and original. It was another sweet one, this time dedcated to saying sorry to someone. I like that we didn't learn exactly what the nature of the crime was that the speaker committed. A good write, so far as I can tell without hearing it.

[Sarah McConnaughey]

A very beautiful and emotional piece. Thank you for sharing.

[Sarusai Hiryu]

Excellent.

[Angela Mulley]

Beautiful!

[Kate Hunter]

well done. I love it. keep writing!