Need to be Happy

I have a need to be happy,

an unfulfilled need.

No. It's a fluctuant need, for sometimes the glass is full and sometimes it thirsts the liquor.

Like a need of food, to be fed when hungry and to sit down when it's full.

I've been ecstatic for a few years, I am grateful to my ability to love.

But this unfair business leaves me in tears, I was hateful like a dove.

A s**t dove.

I'm telling you, the beautiful girl breaks heart. 

My heart.

I was happy to be kissed in the safe arms, only to be let go to be harmed. 

Sudden drawback,

how unfair it is to be fed sweets and scraped out from your drooling mouth.

You taste it still, but you feel the empty space where it had been the sweets'. 

And the sweet taste turns into iron, the blood of your cheek. 

I've been hoping for so many things, most are miracles, I believe, mistakes. 

I believe I've let me down dreaming, when I still wish like a little girl at bed's edge.

This is hatred.

It serves no purpose to help me be happy. 

This is desperate heart.

Looking for the beautiful girl, that she'll realize my existence.

I lost the sweets, but blood is soon sweet. 

This will be happiness, when I stop thinking again.