Fear of The Unknown-Part 1

Fear of The Unknown-Part 1

A Story by Michaela

My name is Nicia. Yesterday I found my mother, dead.

Fear of The Unknown
My name is Nicia. Yesterday I found my mother, dead. I dragged her body onto the shore and placed what was left of it into the final grave. I had dug three, one for each of my family members who I would never talk to again. My father and younger brother I have already buried, as my mom took the longest to wash up. I know what has happened to them, but it is gruesome. My mother's leg, my father's arm, and half of my brother are left with it. It is The Unknown.
Not much is known about The Unknown, hence its name. What is known is quite graphic. It enjoys the taste of blood and anything that strays into the water is easy prey. It can easily bite a child in half and dismember a full grown man. Few have ever seen this strange beast, but those that do cry in the night and seem to go crazy within days. The chief's son brought one back to us one day, and that is when all of this began.
It was a cool summer night, the soft breeze keeping the mosquitoes at bay. The chief's son, Rishi, was spotted coming back in his canoe with something big. We had all been awakened to see Rishi's catch, for he had been out on his first fishing trip to show his worth. If he had caught something that could feed the whole village his right to be chief next would be set in stone. The silence was deafening, and I worried for Rishi. We had grown up together, and even I was a better fisher than him. He had been gone for a week, and we were all beginning to think he would never come back. My heart rejoiced though, because as Rishi's canoe was pulled into the light of the torches a huge fish could be seen covered with his poncho.
Rishi stood up and walked onto the shore, up into the circle we had instinctively made in our meeting area. He smiled and winked at me, for he could see the awe struck look on my face at his impressive catch. He stretched out his tanned arms and scanned each of our faces, "My good people tonight we will have a feast of"
A scream tore through the oblivious excitement of the night. Cursing and praying quickly broke out and Rishi was running towards the canoe. I took off after him in case my brother and dumped the canoe of its contents or stole the fish, which knowing Oudry, is all in a days work. As I  reached the canoe an arm grabbed me by the waist and I screamed too. Not for being grabbed, but for the gruesome beast that lay in the canoe. Rishi was crying, something no boys ever do, and grabbing at his father. The old chief only pushed him to the ground, and with a stern frown pushed the canoe adrift into the water. He grabbed a torch from one of the onlookers hands and tossed it far into the boat. The water was a phenomenon of flames and shivering nightmares, and then all went black.
"Everyone back to your huts, this will be explained in the morning. Don't speak to Rishi!" the chief commanded and everyone rushed off. Only I hesitated, listening to the screaming cries of Rishi before crying myself and running blindly away. I knew that Rishi wouldn't be there in the morning.
The next morning I dressed quickly and ran to the meeting circle. I sat down and tucked my skirts under me to keep in the heat. The mornings were still a little chilly, especially under the trees. The chief came out in a fluster and looked at us like we were all annoyances. I didn't like our tribe or chief very much, and Rishi was my only real friend. My thoughts were quickly interuppted by the chief clearing his throat.
"Everyone, I'm sad to inform you that the spirits have taken Rishi. I awoke this morning and found that he isn't is his bed and no one has seen him since he...fell yesterday night. What a loss it is, I know, but no arguing with the spirits..."
My stomach fell as I wondered what the chief had done to my best friend. I pulled my knees up to my chest and let out a big sigh, because as a girl in the tribe I could do nothing to change the chiefs mind.
"The fish Rishi caught was burned because of its strong possession of bad spirits. Anyone who kills the fish is doomed to a horrible end, and seeing it means banishment for two weeks."
My heart sunk even further, because I had seen the fish and the chief had seen me there.
The chief began calling names, and sure enough my name was called, but so was the rest of my family. Only a few others had glimpsed the fish, and the chief began herding us towards the canoes.
"You may come back if you have found peace with the spirits after your two weeks is up. Do not come anywhere near here! Paddle all day and all night. Now off you go."
My family and I quickly got in a canoe and the chief pushed us off. I sat down and dipped my fingers into the cool water, trying not to let my tears splash into the water. I couldn't believe how unfair this banishment was. My mother had been sick for a few weeks, and her deep coughs were especially unnerving. My father and brother were paddling for us, but I knew that Oudry would soon get an awful sunburn, seeing that he had forgotten his shirt. It was already excessively hot, and the sun had not yet arched high in the sky.
As the village became increasingly hard to see I realized how hard it would be to go back. The only people I cared about were my family and Rishi, and now that Rishi was gone I knew I would have no friends. I laid in the bottom of the canoe next to my mother and let my mind wander, just hoping  we'd be ok.

© 2012 Michaela

Author's Note

Anything you can give me is useful, thanks for reading.

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This is a good start for an adventure story. I enjoyed reading it.

Here are some things of note:
Not much is known about The Unknown, hence its name. (
The silence was deafening (Cliche')
I took off after him in case my brother and dumped the canoe of its contents or stole the fish, which knowing Oudry, is all in a days work. (Maybe use "...in case my brother, Oudry, had dumped...) ("all in a days work" does not fit the period of the tale. It is too modern sounding.)

All in all it is a great start. Keep on going :)

Posted 9 Years Ago

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Added on July 1, 2012
Last Updated on July 2, 2012
Tags: river, monsters, river monsters, Congo, the Congo, fish, tiger, goliath, goliath tiger fish, girl, adventure, lost, tribal, village, death



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