Death of Atheism

Death of Atheism

A Story by Mike Espinosa

In a survey conducted among over 150 youth groups throughout the country, it was found that 100% of those surveyed believe in God.

According to this research, it has become apparent that the concept of atheism has been run out of existence.

"Atheism is nothing more than that of folklore, it's nothing to be taken seriously" said Michael Angelo, a professor of Theology at Texas University, "It depicts the idea that there is no god, which is an absolutely absurd claim to begin with."

"What's atheism? Isn't that just an urban legend?" asked Jeffery Littleman, an 8-year old of the Go for God Youth Group from Wichita, Kansas. In the explanation provided by Dr. Angelo, Jeffery replied, "That's the most bizarre thing I have ever heard in my life!"

"I believe an atheist is a creature that is half human half lizard, with the lizard part on top. They stand about 6 feet tall and live in our sewer systems and come out at night to feast on the leftovers of Jack in the Box and Applebee's; I mean no one else is going to eat it" said 17 year-old, Kimberley Foster from Oklahoma City.

When looking at the survey, it was found that all of those surveyed believed in the Christian God. Upon hearing this news, pastor Jeremy Rivers said "It's about time! Finally, almighty white God has been shown to be the way!" When we pointed out how that statement was a bit politically incorrect, he replied "It's doesn't matter now, we all believe the same thing!"

With no other religions being around, school board directors have finally been allowed to teach creationism in schools. It's so nice to hear that the Kansas School Board's decision to teach this true theory when it was so unpopular of a stance to make. Now who's laughing, Pastafarians!?

Also, the scientific community has abolished Darwin's theory of evolution, citing "It was just a cruel joke got horribly wrong!"

Charles Darwin, the creator of this theory, was a very accomplished satirist from the 19th century. Many people in the science community have continued his tradition of gag theories that supposedly prove that all of God's miracles were natural process. Of the many names the most prominent is Richard Dawkins, a "biologist" from Britain.

Now we can all sleep soundly tonight, knowing that all that Christianity has finally been scientifically proven to be the prevailing religion in the whole world.

In a public statement from Pope Benedict XVI said "The crackers- I mean Eucharist has been made with the actual descendants of Jesus Christ... not that any actually exist of course. Today shall be forever known as Jesus Day, a day dedicated to the birth, life, and death of Jesus, and how he's prevailed over all the other deities." 

© 2010 Mike Espinosa

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*shivers* What a great horror story.

Posted 9 Years Ago

I am a Pastafarian, and can I just that this is a very partially written article. Those loyal to His Noodly Appendage will forever more exist. All hail the FSM!

Posted 9 Years Ago

Not sure if troll. Or really dumb. *Fry face*.

Posted 11 Years Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.


9 Years Ago

It's something called satire.
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Evangelist fantasy meets 'I Am Legend' - The end of the world as we know it. Can you save mankind?

Posted 13 Years Ago

Love it

Posted 13 Years Ago

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5 Reviews
Added on February 2, 2010
Last Updated on February 2, 2010
Tags: Journalism, satire, News story


Mike Espinosa
Mike Espinosa

Covington, WA

- College Student at Western Washington University - Philosophy Major - English with Secondary Education Interest Major - I enjoy academic punctuation and grammar and can edit them quickly. - I am.. more..