A Chance

I read the poem "Location, Location, Location" by Gabriel Gadfly and.... gabrielgadfly.com/poetry/location-location-location *Pauses are important here (as always :) ) and the spacing reflects that*

A Chance

           by Arly Parent

 

 

I could have kissed you

in the sun

shared June warmth

as two hearts

become one

 

I could have kissed you

night and day,

forever reaching for what we pray

 

-for love and understanding-

-for safety and calm-

-for protection from the darkness-

-and a hearth,

 safe and warm.

 

I could have kissed you on the sofa,

in the hallway,

or on the bed.

 

I could have kissssed because I missed you

because my heart was feeling dread.

 

Because my heart was close to dying

and I would steal life from your lips

glean the breath from your soul and

let it make me whole,

 

Just.

Like.

This.

 

 

 

 

I could have kissed you forever,

made you smile

utter bliss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I, could have kissed you,

turned our lips into gold,

our lives into clay

for our love, yet, to mold.

 

 

I could have kissed you

in the shadow of the rain,

cool droplets just cool enough to excite us,

drive us forth, yet again.

I could have kissed you then, in the whirlwind,

in the storm,

in the flurried hurry of two hearts buffeted along.

-Twin leaves intertwined

 doing the dance of the damned,

 seeking succor from one another,

a single port,

a foothold in the sand.

 

I could have kissed you 'neath these droplets,

just wide enough to see

that they obscure our vision

leaving Just

you

and me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I could have kissed you,

-on that bright summer's day

  -on that chilly autumn night

   -on the wings of you, an angel

    -taking flight

     -taking flight

 

I could have kissed you

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And yet I did not

 

 

 

 

(c) Arly Parent. Published June 10, 2011

Author's Note

*Pauses are important here (as always :) ) and the spacing reflects that*

Reviews

[w2de35657u687y4324rf]

The poem does have nice musicality. I would say that the first asterisk doesn't fit all too well. I paused at it for a moment. I agree with your 'spaces reflect important pauses' theory. Your poetry seems a bit like the contemporary work I've been studying whereas visual structure plays a crucial element. The final pause where the real merit and idea is embedded may be a bit too extravagant. I like to move my eyes, but not so much to scroll. Takes me out of the moment somewhat. Maybe that's what you intended, though? I appreciated that ending. It's got a real spin to it. Too bad this poem never got any reviews after seven months. Perhaps you may want to read request friends in the future? I once got that recommendation. They're not the best reviews, but I suppose, rational choice theory and all, they're better than nothing, aye? Good to see you back after all this while. You'll probably need to update your friend's list, too. I know I ought to. Haha. Good luck with the writing, see you around.
SAS

[Arly Parent]

It seems that the lines in question are fitting in fine. However, I'm still debating whether I should use dead instead of dread in the line: because my heart was feeling dread*.

The next line is: Because my heart was close to dying
so I'm not sure
but the rhythm of this piece is something I really like and appreciate
thoughts?