Milly's Journal - Chapter 1 - "The Night Before the Big Move"

The night before the big move, Milly can't sleep. So she gets out her journal and begins to write her first letter to her Dad.

Milly's Journal

Chapter 1
The Night Before the Big Move

(Note: Please be sure to read the footnotes at the end of the chapter. I tell a little bit about true stories that happened to me in my life as well as explain why I wrote certain parts as I did. Also I noticed the lettering in my "introduction was tiny...hard on the eyes so I tried to make the font bigger and this is the best it will do.)

Dear Dad,
It's a little after 3:00 am and I can't sleep. The house is almost completely empty now and so quiet. Except for the flashlight I'm holding so I can see to write this, the house is dark. I'm cold. It's early Spring now but the weather still has a chill in the air. The daffodils have started coming up and a few trees are beginning to show their buds, but still feels like the middle of winter. I can't help but wonder if Mom and Louis are sleeping, or if they're both laying there awake feeling scared and confused and wondering what's going to be happening these next few days like I'm wondering?

Tomorrow we're all going to leave our home and travel hundreds of miles away to a new city and a new home. I don't want to go Dad. I'm scared. I grew up in this house. Only this house is my home. Nowhere else! But Mom got a new job in (1) Jonesville so this is something we have to do. I know we don't really have a choice, and I do accept it but...my heart just won't let go of my real home. My home right here! Right here where you were, Dad. Even though you're in Heaven now, I feel like we're not only leaving our home, but we're leaving you too. I don't want to go, Daddy! I don't want to go!

Anyway...who am I kidding? I know you can't really read this Dad. I'm just wasting my time. But I couldn't sleep and I suddenly had this really strong tug at my heart to get a piece of paper and write you a letter. I'm not sure why I feel like doing this. Maybe there's a reason I'm not supposed to know why at this time. Maybe later this may all make sense. But honestly, even though I'm in so much pain right now from missing you, as I'm writing this I can sort of feel a little bit of peace come over me. And I've been desperately needing to feel some peace for a long long time.

Daddy do you remember when I was a little girl and I wrote letters to Jesus? And remember what my favorite song was back then? (2)"Sincerely Yours." And remember how the song started out by saying, "Lord I take my pen to write to you a letter, knowing even now you know what's on my mind. But I think perhaps it might make me feel better, if I see myself here written in a line." (3) As a little girl writing those letters to Jesus, I really believed He could read them. Even though I knew He was way way up there in Heaven, the faith I had as a little girl was so strong, it wasn't hard for me to really think Jesus could read every word I wrote on the paper.

(4) Also remember this Daddy? Remember when I was about seven or eight, I drew Jesus a picture. I got out my colored markers and made a rainbow with flowers in the grass beneath it. I also put a few birds flying in the sky. Remember how I'd draw the birds? Most of the time they'd end up looking like the letter 'M'! Oh I tried making it the best picture I had ever drawn in my life! Then I colored a big red heart and wrote in big scribbled letters, "I LOVE YOU JESUS!!!" next to the rainbow I had made. I really wanted Jesus to have it. So I got this crazy idea to take it up on the roof and attach it to the chimney. Back then I always thought that Jesus was way up there in the sky. So I tried to get the picture up on something high, so that He could for sure see it and could reach down and take it. I left the picture taped to the chimney overnight so that He could take it whenever He could. I remember I went to bed that night so excited! Almost as excited as I'd get on Christmas Eve! I was so small, but my faith was very big! Big enough to actually believe that Jesus could physically reach down and take my drawing back up with Him to Heaven. Hey I even imagined Jesus taking it and showing my drawing around to the people there in Heaven. I finally fell asleep thinking I had done a very special thing that would make Jesus feel so happy!

Then the next day I went as fast as I could to climb back up on the roof, honestly believing I would find that my drawing was no longer attached to the chimney to prove to me that Jesus had for sure taken it....But Daddy remember how my heart sank and broke into a million pieces when I found my drawing still taped to the chimney? I even started crying when I saw that most of what I had written and drawn could barely be seen anymore because everything on the paper had faded. It had rained a little that night which washed away almost all the colored markers I had used to make the picture.

I remember running to you and Mom just crying and crying and telling you that Jesus didn't want my picture. I thought maybe He didn't like it or something, and also I thought maybe He didn't even want to look at it. And then the rain came and ruined it all. I asked you both why He didn't want my picture I had made with my whole heart to Him. I even thought maybe Jesus didn't really love me.

Mom then took me in her lap and hugged me close to her. Then you Dad, got down on your knees in front of me and you wiped away my tears so gently with the back of your fingers. You looked me straight in the eyes and said to me, "Sweetie, I know without a doubt Jesus saw your picture and read the beautiful message you wrote for Him. You know how when you get down on your knees, you close your eyes and you say a prayer to Him? I know you believe He DOES hear every single word you say in those prayers, right? So...just like when you say your prayers using words, your picture and message was really a prayer to Him too, Milly. Prayers come straight from your heart and go all the way to Jesus. And what you drew and wrote on that piece of paper came straight from your heart as well. Believe me, Milly. Jesus saw your precious picture. And I know He just loves it! He loves you so much, Milly! And He is so proud of you right now!"

Oh Daddy remember that day when this happened and you said those words to me? I felt so much better after that! And yes, I believed every word you told me! After that day was when I started writing letters to Jesus as well, remember? But then as I grew older, the letters I wrote just stopped. I guess I felt I was getting too old, and that writing letters to Jesus was more of what a child would do. But even now as I'm writing this letter to you Dad, I can feel that joy and peace come over me. Just like the day you reassured me that Jesus saw my picture. I know that writing a letter to you is quite different from writing a letter to Jesus, but I just feel so strongly in my heart that I really want to do this. Some people may think that me writing to my Dad when he's no longer alive is silly and childish. But what's wrong with having a "childlike faith" even if you're no longer a child?

We all still miss you Daddy. Ever since you left us that day and we found out what really happened, it hasn't been the same. I don't think it will ever be the same again.

Even if normally it seems like sisters can't stand their brothers and vice versa, I can't help but worry like crazy over Louis. He's just eight years old. He needs his Daddy. I mean I need my Daddy too and I'm fourteen. But at age eight, he really needs to feel the love of a father daily as he's growing up. He's taking your death so hard. All he does all day is play "war" with his toy soldiers and army men. He's always telling us which of his toys "gets killed" which happens almost every day. I'm not sure what all this means, but it's almost all he does and talks about now. And all of this started with him a few days after your funeral. Louis needs you Dad. I want to reach out and help him. I mean I'm his big sister! But I don't know what to do or say to him. Sometimes I go over to give him a hug, but he just pushes me away every time. But I won't stop trying to reach him, Dad. I promise! I feel in my heart that Louis needs me. Even if he doesn't know it or want me.

Would you believe even the dog misses you? Yeah, even ole Max knows something has happened to you. For several days after your death, Max would do his usual routine and wait by the door every day for you to come home from work. He was smart! He knew what time it was and knew the exact moment when you were going to walk in the door. He'd often have his favorite tennis ball in his mouth, so eager for you to grab it from him so you could run outside and play ball with him for awhile. For several days Max would sit at the door, just waiting and waiting for you to come. When he realized you were no longer coming home, he would hang his head down and slowly walk back into another room, not understanding why you never showed up. He'd then lay down on the floor with his head on his paws and look around sadly wondering what happened to his "Master." It wasn't too long after that when he stopped waiting at the door completely. Sometimes Louis and I would try to encourage him to play ball with us, and sometimes he would. But most of the time he ignored us and continued to lay there on the floor looking so sad. Max knew Dad. I know he's just a dog. But he knew.

But Dad, if anyone needs you the most it's Mom! She's trying so hard to stay strong for Louis and me. But I can tell she's all torn up inside. I don't see her cry much, but I know she does at night when she's going to sleep or anytime we're not looking. She cries quietly when I can hear her. But I never let her know I hear her because I don't think she wants us to know. But Dad, you'd be so proud of her because she continues to encourage Louis and me daily. Through her words or her actions, she lets us both know that everything is going to be ok, and that we're going to make it through all of this. But at the same time I know her heart is in extreme pain over missing you. I don't know if she truly believes it when she tells us we're going to be ok. I can tell she's just as scared as Louis and I are. Like I feel about Louis, I'm also very worried about her too. I want to somehow reach out to her and help take away her pain as well because she does so much for us. She's our Mom! I love her so much and it's killing me to see her hurting like she is. But we're all hurting together Daddy. And along with moving to a new home tomorrow...I feel like the family we had here in this home is dying as well. It's so different now. Will we ever get back what we're loosing? What we're all leaving behind? What we've already lost?

Well it's really late now Dad. The sun will be coming up in a few hours so I'm going to end this letter for now and try to see if I can get some sleep. I'm still very scared about all this, Daddy. What will it be like in our new home way off in a different city? What about school? Will I make any new friends? What's going to happen to us? Will we really be ok? I just don't know.

I'll write to you again soon, Daddy. To be honest, I kind of feel like I had a real conversation with you when I was writing you this. It's helping a little.

Until my next letter,
I love you Daddy!!! --
Milly

FOOTNOTES by Lynn McFall

As I was writing this chapter, I found myself having Milly calling her Dad "Dad" while other times she called him "Daddy." I think the reason I did this was when I had Milly view her Dad as she would when she was a little girl, or maybe when she was scared she would call him "Daddy." Other times she called him just "Dad" as she might in her teenage years.

(1) It wasn't made known in the original movie the name of the city the Michaelson family moved to, or how long they would be traveling. (Unless I missed it.) So I just picked the name of a random city and just guessed that they would travel far from their old home.

(2) "Sincerely Yours" - Gary Chapman - Copyright 1981 by Paragon Music Corp./ASCAP

(3) This is mostly a true story about something in my life. I did really write letters to Jesus at one time. But I was in my late teens, not a child when I did. I decided to use this idea about me as something Milly did when she was a little girl.

(4) This is another true story about myself that I wrote as if it happened to Milly also when she was a child. I was about seven or eight when I did this - same age as I had Milly doing it. I myself drew a Jesus a picture and went on my roof and attached it to my chimney. (If you are worried, yes I was pretty young to climb up on my roof at that age, but it was very easy to get up there. And our roof wasn't steep and it was very easy for me to walk on without fear of falling.) The next day I went up and sadly found the picture still there. And yes the rain had caused the colors to fade till I could barely see the picture I drew anymore. Since my Dad died when I was two, the part where Milly's Dad calms her when she's crying didn't happen to me. But I think I did tell my Mom about it and she told me she felt Jesus had seen my picture and message anyway. Although I don't remember her exact words, I know for sure she didn't explain it to me in as much detail as I had Milly's Dad explain it to her. Actually, all of what her Dad told her was what I thought up on my own as I was writing this chapter. Also, while writing this part where Milly tells how she went up on the roof with her picture, since it happened to me in real life, when I had her Dad calming her when she was crying, I almost made the mistake of writing my own name.

Author's Note

If any one reads this, thank you! And reviews are welcome! I know very well that not everyone will like my writing and that's ok. So if you do review it, don't be too mean ok? Ha ha! :0P

Reviews

[Matt Pellegrini]

First, for two tiny things I would change or alter in regards to wording or structure. In the last sentence of the 2nd paragraph you have the word "wonder" in various forms 3 times. It doesn't read that off, but I think breaking it up into two sentences might make it work better. I'd go with giving the last thought ("like I'm wondering) its own sentence somehow.

I like the importance place on "home." I like even more that you hint that sometimes "home" may not just be about a specific location, but more so about memories. I'm not sure how much more this theme plays into the actual film, but if it is at least a point of focus, I'd continue to develop this idea. I'm guessing it probably still stays a bit relevant for the first few days/weeks when Milly and her family does move, but I do know that later in the movie it probably becomes less important.

The Jesus drawing anecdote that you added from your own experience is really strong and possibly adds the most to the character of Milly thus far. We get some very key and important attributes of her personality, and such a specific scene really brings the character to life. I chuckled at the part about thinking Jesus would take the picture and show it around Heaven. It's captures the wonderfully faithful and optimistic nature of youth.

The voice you're using for Milly seems appropriate so far. The word choice and ideas you are giving her do sound like they are the kinds of things that a 14 year old girl may write in her letters.

I think you're doing a wonderful job so far.