Milly's Journal - Chapter 12 - "The Prison of Autism"

Milly learns more about autism and she and Eric have a neat experience walking home from school.

Milly's Journal

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 12

"The Prison of Autism"

 

(Please remember to read the footnotes at the end of the chapter as it will help you understand why I write some of the things in the way I do.)

 

Hey Daddy!

 

I had such a restful night last night. I was able to get a full night's sleep, and I slept like a baby which turned out great since I planned to be up bright and early.

 

I leapt out of bed about an hour and a half earlier than I had been recently, and for the first time in a while, I was more than eager to get to school!

 

Louis, however, was NOT happy at all with having to get out of bed before his alarm clock usually went off. I had the absolute worst time trying to get him up! He groaned and moaned and clung to the blankets for dear life as I tried to yank them off of him! He's a lot stronger than you would think, Dad! He kept pulling the covers up over his head and would hide under them while growling at me to go away and leave him alone.

 

Finally I gave him a fair warning and told him he'd better be out of bed and getting dressed within the next few minutes, or both Mom and I would carry him out to the car in his pajamas! And I made sure he knew I was very serious about it too!

 

I think threatening him worked because he immediately hopped out of bed and went racing to grab his school clothes. As I was leaving his room, I couldn't stop laughing! I'll definitely have to remember to try that strategy with him again sometime!

 

My heart was fluttering with excitement as I hurriedly got ready for school. All I could think about was Eric. I couldn't wait to get there to see him! After seeing the positive change in him yesterday, I couldn't help but have hopes that today might be even better! Maybe he would open up to me even more! To me, this was the beginning of something amazing! I saw it as a miracle starting to take place. A real miracle actually being born!

 

I was also looking forward to talking to Mrs. Sherman for awhile before class. Since she has been working with Eric for a few years now, I was anxious for her to show and explain to me more about his condition, and some of what she has done when she was helping him. She is someone who understands the kind of person he is more than anyone, so I knew she would have a lot to tell me. - (1)

 

The whole time I was getting ready, I found myself humming the song, "Not Too Far From Here" I heard on the radio last night. I had played it again several times before I went to bed, so I think it caused it to become embedded into my memory or something. It's such a beautiful song! I couldn't get it out of my head all morning long.

 

During the ride to school, Mom noticed I was in a more cheerful mood than usual and wanted to know what was up. She already knew about my decision to help with Eric and all. But the answer I gave her was that I was very excited to be seeing him today, and I was feeling quite hopeful and confident about what I was going to be doing.

 

She smiled sweetly, and mentioned how proud she was of me. She also knew without a doubt that if you were here Dad, you would be just as proud of me as she was, if not more! I hope she's right. Because one of my most deepest desires is to do nothing else but what you feel is best with my life.

 

I started thinking back to many years ago when I was little, how I would sometimes get up really early in the morning to surprise you and Mom by making my bed. Or when I would see you taking the trash out to the curb, I would come running outside begging you to let me do it! I always remembered you would give me the biggest smile, along with a warm hug and kiss on the cheek as you thanked me for helping you. And do you remember those times when I would cook you and Mom breakfast on your birthdays, or on Father's and Mother's Day? Unfortunately the toast would often end up a little burnt, and sometimes the eggs would be just a tad too runny, but you didn't care. To you and Mom, it was like I had cooked a feast! I know that in reality, those were pretty small tasks for a young child. But you saw them as something magnificent! You made me believe I had accomplished such wonderful things! It made me feel like I was quickly growing up. And from then on, I wanted to continue doing anything I could to make you both happy and proud of me.

 

Yes Daddy, I'm fourteen now, and I'm not a little child anymore. But I still have a long way to go before I'm fully grown up. But one thing I do know is true, is that no matter what happens in the future, and no matter how far away you are right now, I will always and forever be your little girl!

 

Anyway, I don't think Louis ever cheered up about having to arrive at his school long before most of the other kids did. He had an ugly scowl on his face and was grouchy and pouting the entire way there. I tried explaining to him that we probably wouldn't be going to school this early all the time. But he just ignored everything I said and gave me an evil glare as he got out of the car. Yep, it is so hard to please that kid sometimes!

 

When Mom dropped me off at my school, hardly any of the other students were there, but it looked like the majority of the teachers were. Many of them were already in their classrooms. The hallways were once again quiet and mostly deserted since the rest of the kids wouldn't be getting there until a little later. Mainly the only thing that was on my mind at the time was getting to see Eric again and hopefully getting to talk to him.

 

I found out Mrs. Sherman comes over to his house and picks him up to take him to school every morning. (Though she must do this really early since I've never seen her, and I've never seen Eric anywhere around on school mornings either.) So that would mean he should already be in the classroom.

 

While I was walking down the hallway, the excitement in me kept growing stronger! I thought with the way he acted towards me yesterday, and how he was so intent on copying and following me, maybe....just maybe he was eagerly waiting to see me as well. At least that's what I was surely hoping.

 

As I opened the door and entered the room, there he was, just as I expected. Except this time he was standing near the windows on the far wall. Mrs. Sherman was there too, but at her desk looking through some kind of book and writing something. I assumed she was getting our lessons ready for the day.

 

She looked up and smiled when I came in and greeted me saying, "Good morning, Milly."

 

She was busy at the moment, so she said she would be with me in a few minutes. I was glad because more than anything else, I was wanting to go and spend some time with Eric for awhile.

 

When I went over to him, I felt nothing but pure delight at the chance to see him have another positive reaction to me again. I was seriously believing something even better would happen with him than it did yesterday. And I'm not sure why, but for just a very brief second, I was actually thinking he might turn to me and show me he was happy to see me with a big smile on his face. And even if I knew it was a bit of a stretch, I was praying really hard that he would somehow surprise me by saying "Hello" to me.

 

When I got close to him, the first thing I said was, "Hi Eric!", and waited with anticipation to see what he would do.

 

Did he turn and look at me?

 

No Dad....he didn't.

 

Though he was standing right up by the windows, he wasn't looking outside. He had his eyes gazing upward to some nonexistent spot on the ceiling. His face still showed no expression at all.

 

So...I decided to try again.

 

I moved a little closer to him and gently placed my hand on his arm to let him know I was there. And using a soft, soothing tone in my voice, I said, "Eric....it's me, Milly. Remember me?"

 

Nothing.

 

Dad it was like I had become invisible to him again. I was standing directly beside him....but it was more like I wasn't even there. I don't think he heard me talking to him. I don't think he realized I had touched him on his arm either. He just kept standing there, so still, so silent, staring away at nothing.

 

Sadly he had returned and was lost in his own far-off and private world. The world no one else can get into but himself.

 

I was crushed. I felt all the hopes I had for him come crumbling down when he showed no response to me. I couldn't understand why this happened. I mean, yesterday Eric had this amazing breakthrough no one ever thought could happen. I guess....I guess I made the mistake of getting my hopes up too high and expected too much too soon. I don't know...

 

The thing is, I seriously believed God had worked a wonderful miracle in him yesterday, so I guess I was thinking God would continue today with what He started. But it was more like nothing had really happened with Eric at all.

 

Mrs. Sherman must have noticed what was going on at the time, because she got up from her desk and came over to tell me that it was okay, and to not feel discouraged because nothing happened.

 

Then she gently took Eric by his arm and guided him to his seat in the back of the room. After he was seated, she asked me to come with her back to her desk.

 

I had to let her know how overly disappointed I was, and I couldn't understand why Eric didn't seem to care that I was wanting to spend a little time with him. I even told her how it kind of felt like he was rejecting me, although deep inside I knew it wasn't true, and he really wasn't treating me that way on purpose.

 

However, that ended up being what Mrs. Sherman was wanting to explain to me first, saying how these kind of things can often happen to people with autism. There can be some days where they might show signs of improvement, and then there's other days where they withdraw and will totally isolate themselves from the world again.

 

She also thinks it's highly possible that Eric did hear my voice and

knew I was there. But most people with autism just aren't able to express themselves outwardly like a normal person does, while deep inside they can be fully aware of what is going on around them.

 

I pulled up a chair and sat down next to Mrs. Sherman at her desk. I asked her if she could tell me more about what autism is, since I knew hardly anything about it. I was curious if that was all that was wrong with Eric.

 

She answered saying that the doctors do believe autism is what Eric has by the way they observed his mental and physical behavior. And since she too has worked before with other kids who are like Eric, she's quite knowledgeable of all of the symptoms.

 

Sadly, she says that as of now, there is no cure, and more than likely Eric will remain with this condition for the rest of his life.

 

Dad, it was like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. So does it mean there is no hope for Eric at all? Is he really going to stay secluded inside his secret world for his whole life?

 

Mrs. Sherman gave me a comforting smile. I was thankful she understood how difficult this was for me to grasp.

 

As for Eric being unable to speak, she said that many people like him remain mute throughout their lifetime, but there are some who have the ability to learn to speak, or they can eventually learn to communicate in other kinds of ways.

 

Also, not all people with autism are the same. What's interesting about it is, some kids can have more severe symptoms of the disorder than others. Though many share similar symptoms (like avoiding eye contact and not communicating) none of them are exactly the same, although the diagnosis is the same. It's been sometimes said that "if you know one person with autism, you know one person with autism."

 

Mrs. Sherman then wanted to know if Eric ever gives me any eye contact, and if he does, how often?

 

As I thought about it, I remembered the several times where he looked at me directly in the eyes, and of course that beautiful sparkle I would sometimes see. But other times, like today, and the first day I tried to roll the volleyball to him in gym class, he wouldn't look at me at all, no matter how hard I tried to get his attention.

 

Mrs. Sherman thought it was a wonderful thing that Eric does have eye contact with me, even if it isn't very often. Because she herself has had eye contact with him, but with her it only happened a few times - and during those times it would last for just a few short seconds.

 

One of the things I had planned to ask Mrs. Sherman was, what causes autism? I wanted to know what makes a person like Eric become this way? Because it's not like an illness you can catch from someone. So how does someone get to be autistic?

 

Unfortunately the truth is, as of now, doctors are not able to fully understand what causes autism. But what they do know is, that it's a brain disorder which is actually part of a group of disorders called "autism spectrum disorders." (ASD for short.) And sadly, Eric does exhibit several of these disorders. From acting as if he's off in a world of his own, to not talking, as well as not being able to interact with other people are among a few of the things he has been showing signs of.

 

I looked over at Eric who hadn't moved from his seat in the back of the room. He had a constant gaze at the wall in front of him. He didn't have his arms out from his sides, yet he was slowly rocking back and forth in his chair. His face still held a blank expression, and his eyes were dull and lifeless.

 

It was so painful seeing him like this, Dad. There just has to be something....anything that could help him break free from this horrible prison of autism that has such a tight grip on his life. I know in my heart he wants to come out of that lonely place he's in. And I honestly believe he wants to be released from this stronghold more than he wants anything else in his life.

 

I then asked Mrs. Sherman if anything can be done to help him. Surely there is something....there just has to be!

 

Well it turns out there is some behavior therapy that the doctors and also Mrs. Sherman has done before with people who have autism. She told me about a few times where she had tried several therapy techniques with Eric, but none of them produced any positive results. But even with no change, she continued to work with him, almost every single day, despite nothing seeming to help. She wasn't sure why nothing was working. But even so, she didn't allow herself to start thinking it was an impossible goal to reach.

 

The doctors had also tried medication with Eric once, but it only

made him sick, so they had to stop it immediately.

 

I hate to tell you this Dad, but hearing all of those discouraging stories caused the doubts to creep back into my mind again. So much till I was almost about to reconsider my decision. Since nothing has helped Eric get any better with Mrs. Sherman and the doctors working with him, what on earth could someone like me do?

 

But before I could start to say anything to her, Mrs. Sherman reminded me about yesterday when Eric was copying everything I was doing and how no one else, not even the professionals, has ever been able to get that kind of reaction from him.

 

And Dad, she then helped me remember that God is the One who is in control of this situation.....not me. And that God can actually work *through* me, to reach out to Eric and complete the miracle He has already started.

 

Mrs. Sherman also let me know she strongly believes that something absolutely amazing has already begun between Eric and me, and this is truly something God can use to be a witness to others of His loving mercy and grace. And many will see that God's power can heal and set people free.

 

But most of all, Mrs. Sherman reminded me that no matter what happens, no matter how many times Eric could again withdraw like he did today, that I should never give up. Because God will never give up on Eric.....and also God will never give up on me either. As one of my favorite Bible verses says, "God will never leave us or forsake us."....ever!!!

 

Mrs. Sherman also wanted me to understand that what I will be doing with Eric is similar to taking a journey, kind of like when you go walking down a road. Not all of the roads I will be traveling on will be easy. Some could be narrow, and some could be so long till it looks like there is no end in sight. And of course there will be times when everything will go smoothly with no problems at all. But there very well could be bumps along the way where I could stumble and fall. And I might feel like I'm too weak to continue on and go any further. But I know God will be taking the journey with me. And when those kinds of things happen, God will give me the strength and patience to continue on. And I fully have faith that God will be leading me in the way I should go, and He will direct me to where I will find the key that will unlock the prison that is holding Eric captive and let him finally be set free!

 

Dad, I do believe God has some amazing plans in store for my life...and this could be just the beginning. One thing I know is, I want to do everything that God is wanting me to do!

 

While there was still some time left before the first class was going to start, I tried to find out a little more about Eric's uncle. I thought maybe Mrs. Sherman knew more than what Geneva has told me about him already. And since she has been inside Eric's house more often than my one time, I wanted to know if she was able to see what kind of true relationship he has with Eric. I was curious if she's ever seen them interact with each other as a family. - (2)

 

And Dad, from what she told me, it sounds like Geneva was right about Uncle Hugo and Eric never really being together much at all. Almost every time Mrs. Sherman goes into their house, they are usually never found in the same room together. Eric would be upstairs in his bedroom for most of the time, while Uncle Hugo is either closed off in his own bedroom, or he would be downstairs in the den watching TV. And I wasn't surprised a bit when Mrs. Sherman claimed to me that she has rarely seen Uncle Hugo without a bottle in his hand.

 

What's even worse is Eric seems to be afraid of his uncle. He acts like he wants to be as far away from him as possible, which could be why he stays mainly in his bedroom or up in the attic. And I can understand why. With the condition I saw Uncle Hugo in when I met him the other day, even I was scared of him. So I can't imagine what it would be like living with him every single day.

 

I asked Mrs. Sherman if he has ever tried to get any help, or if he has any friends at all.

 

She said there were several times when she's tried to talk to him -- to get him to understand that his constant drinking has overtaken his life, and that he is in serious need of some help before it's too late. But he always refused.

 

He would also get very angry at Mrs. Sherman if she kept on insisting him to get help. And she told me when Uncle Hugo gets angry, you do NOT want to be anywhere near him.

 

Now Dad, that frightened me more than anything. What happens if Uncle Hugo gets angry when Eric is around? Has he ever tried to hurt him?

 

Thankfully Mrs. Sherman is pretty certain that Uncle Hugo has never laid a hand on him, but there's been times when he's come very close. He has yelled very loudly at Eric while in a drunken rage several times, but he's never come to the point of hitting him or anything like that. Usually Eric will run up to his room, lock himself inside and hide when this happens, or when  the people at the institute find out, they quickly come over and take Eric away for a few days.

 

All of this is a very heartbreaking situation for both Eric and his uncle, and I wish to everything they could somehow have a loving and caring relationship like they should be having as a family.

 

As for Uncle Hugo having any friends, .....no. Like Eric, he too doesn't like to be around other people. But in this case, it's for different reasons.

 

Mrs. Sherman has desperately tried her very best to be a friend to him, but he just pushes her away every time, while giving her indications that he wants to be left alone. Truthfully, as sad as it may be, the only "friend" he has in his life right now....is his alcohol.

 

Mrs. Sherman became quiet. I knew we were both experiencing the weight of sorrow on our hearts, knowing that something this distressing was going on between two family members. And we were both longing to find the answer to how the lives of Eric and his uncle can be restored from all that has been stolen from them, so they can have the joy and love they are greatly needing between them most of all.

 

Blinking back a few tears that were filling my eyes, I begged Mrs. Sherman to please tell me what I could do to help. My heart was crying out more than it ever has before to do something. I had the biggest yearning to extend my hand out to Eric and Uncle Hugo, and to do anything I could to be a friend to them.

 

The most important thing Mrs. Sherman told me to do first was to pray for them...and to keep praying.- (3)  And also to ask God to guide me and give me the knowledge to what I should do. Because God has the answers to all our problems. I just need to keep on seeking Him and putting all my faith and trust in Him, and believe that He will bring the victory into Eric and his uncle's lives....and into our lives as well.

 

She also told me to just be still and listen for God's voice. Because He WILL speak to us if we take the time to really listen and keep our focus totally on Him.

 

Mrs. Sherman did kind of surprise me though by asking me if I had a Bible -- to which I told her I did. - (4) But honestly I don't really read it as much as I know I should, although I do remember some of my favorite verses at times. But she suggested that it would really do me some good if I take some time to start reading it a little more often. She added that God can use it to show me certain verses and passages that will help me to learn more on how to hear God's voice. She also feels it could help me greatly on this upcoming "journey" I'm about to take. Personally I understood what she was saying and I did agree with her. So I told her I would.

 

And guess what Dad? I thought this was so sweet!

 

After I finished my talk with Mrs. Sherman, she asked me if it would be okay if she could pray for me while I was there with her. She had already been praying for me since the first time I talked to her about helping Eric. But she wanted to know if I would be okay if she prayed for me in person.

 

You know something Dad? I don't think I've ever had anyone outside the family pray for me in that way. But there was something that was strongly urging me to say "yes." Though the idea made me feel just a little uneasy at first, I figured this might  turn out to be just what my mind and soul are needing at this time.

 

So.... Mrs. Sherman took my hand, and I closed my eyes.

 

Oh Dad! I want you to know right now that Mrs. Sherman praying for me was one of the most touching experiences I've ever had in my life! I felt this sense of peace come over me and cover me like a warm, soft blanket, and I could literally feel my faith growing even stronger as I was sitting there.

 

The words she spoke as she prayed and asked God to fill me with wisdom and strength when I'm with Eric were so powerful! She asked God to guide me and direct me in the way I should go. She also prayed for God to bless me, and to let me feel His everlasting love for me.

 

And Dad....she even prayed for Mom and Louis! I was totally not expecting her to do that!

 

It was all so amazing! And it was an experience I know I'll remember forever!

 

I am now one-hundred percent certain that God brought Mrs. Sherman to me. Because she is already making such a huge impact in my life! She is absolutely wonderful!

 

After she prayed, she gave me a hug, and I thanked her profusely for all she is doing for me and the kind of person she is being to me. Yes Dad, she is my teacher. But not only a teacher...she has also become a very dear friend!

 

It seemed like hardly any time had passed when I looked up at the clock on the wall and noticed it had become almost time for the first class of the school day to begin. I could hear the hallways quickly coming to life as the rest of the students arrived and were hurriedly rushing to get to their classrooms.

 

But before the other kids began gathering into this class, Mrs. Sherman gave me several tips and some more information that I could try with Eric. And yes, I am very eager to get started as soon as I can.

 

Actually, my first "official" day to begin working with him is tomorrow. But Mrs. Sherman recommended that today I could start by walking Eric home after school -- which was okay with me since he lives right next door of course. I was hoping it wouldn't bother him being with me instead of Mrs. Sherman driving him. I learned that some kids with autism can get very upset if their regular routine changes. And since this was going to be a first for him, I was really hoping I wouldn't frighten him or anything.

 

During the rest of the school day when I had a chance, I would try my best to go over to Eric and talk to him for a few minutes. But each time it was like I was again talking to no one. Sadly he was still holding those walls up around him. And he wasn't about to let anyone even try to take them down. So I had to just walk away and leave him alone.

 

It was so discouraging, Dad!  But I knew I needed to leave everything in God's hands and keep on believing He is still in full control.

 

It seemed like the rest of the day dragged on, but finally the last class ended and it was time to go home.

 

Thinking about how Eric might react to me taking him home made me feel both excited and also a little nervous. Because this was going to be something new for me too. But I tried to remind myself to stay positive and be myself around him and everything would be fine.

 

Mrs. Sherman thought it would be best if we waited until everyone else had left the classroom before we would both approach him to tell him what was going to be happening. So when all the students were gone and the room was empty and quiet again, Mrs. Sherman and I went back to where Eric was sitting. He was still staring at the wall with the same sad and empty look in his eyes, totally unaware that we were standing right beside him.

 

Mrs. Sherman lightly placed her hand on his shoulder, bent down till she was a little closer to his face and said, "Eric, Milly is here. Do you remember Milly?"

 

Sadly he stayed in the exact same position with no reaction at all of someone speaking to him.

 

But Mrs. Sherman kept talking to him.

 

"Eric, Milly is going to walk you home today. She's going to take very good care of you and make sure you get home safely, okay?"

 

Still no response whatsoever.

 

Mrs. Sherman looked up at me, and though I didn't say anything, I knew she could see the look of disappointment on my face. I think she understood how this was affecting me, because she gave me a weak, but reassuring smile and quietly whispered, "It's going to be okay."

 

I smiled back which silently let her know that deep inside I knew she was right, and everything really was going to be okay.

 

I moved back a little and let Mrs. Sherman help Eric get up from his chair. She spoke to him for a little bit more, using a kind and gentle voice, explaining to him once again that I was going to walk him home.

 

I will admit that I was wanting so very badly for Eric to look over at me which would help give me some much needed confidence that he understood what Mrs. Sherman was saying to him. But nothing would get him to make any eye contact with me at all. He didn't even look over in my direction.

 

Then Mrs. Sherman said she needed to go and get some work done before she went home herself. But she thanked me again for all I'm going to be doing and said she would continue to pray for me and Eric.

 

I also thanked her for everything, and I told her I would see her tomorrow.

 

I went and gathered my books I needed to take home for homework, and we were finally ready to leave.

 

I came back to Eric, and using a soft tone to my voice, I asked him if he was ready to go home.

 

As I expected, he gave me no indication that he heard me or knew what I was going to do. He remained standing there in the very same spot by his chair, but this time he was staring down towards the floor.

 

I wasn't sure if he was going to come willingly, so I very slowly and calmly reached out and took his hand.

 

Well to my surprise, he got extremely nervous and quickly yanked his hand out of mine as if he didn't like me touching him. I could see he was really tensing up, so I decided I'd better not do that anymore.

 

I then tried explaining to him that it was going to be okay and to not be afraid of me because I wasn't going to hurt him. But he still refused to move.

 

After a few seconds he began to anxiously look back and forth and glance all around the room like he was trying to find something. I think he was looking for Mrs. Sherman since he's gotten used to her taking him home every day for the last few years. And now he was realizing that something wasn't quite right here. He was noticing that Mrs. Sherman wasn't anywhere close by as she normally was. But instead, here I was, still somewhat of a stranger to him, messing up his regular routine.

 

I thought it would be best to step back and leave him alone for a minute or so to let him calm down before I would try again.

 

After a few minutes he seemed to relax a little and I tried once more to tell him that we were going to walk home together.

 

Thankfully, after making a few more persistent attempts to get him to come with me out of the classroom, and still without touching him, he finally began to move forward. I was able to coax him out of the door, and follow me into the hallway. I was relieved that the hallways were mostly empty at the time, and no loud noises were going on anywhere that could've startled him. I knew it would be embarrassing if the other kids saw me trying to get him to come with me. I'm sure some of the immature ones would find this pretty amusing to watch, so I was glad we had the hallways to ourselves.

 

When we got outside of the school building, the warm, late afternoon sun was shining brightly above us. It was a beautiful day with perfect weather for a long walk home.

 

I could only guess that Eric knew the direction we were going to go to get home. But by then I felt confident enough that he finally understood he was supposed to come along with me.

 

As Eric walked, I walked alongside of him, but made sure not to get too near him.

 

I observed him closely though, wanting to figure out what he might be thinking -- if anything. But he constantly held his head downward for almost the whole way to Louis's school, looking at nothing else but his own feet as he walked. Sadly he was still locked away in his own prison of autism. And the key that would release him was still nowhere to be found.

 

Mrs. Sherman had been telling me that one of the best things I could do was talk to Eric like I would talk to any other normal person. Although he might not show any outward signs of understanding anything I said, she believes there is a chance he knows that I'm speaking to him.

 

So as we headed on to Louis's school, (even though I did feel kind of awkward about it,) I chatted with him a little bit, -- just as if I was talking to a friend. I would say to him things like, "It sure is a beautiful day today, isn't it Eric?" and "I really dread doing my homework tonight, Eric. You're lucky you don't have any."

 

But as I thought, everything I said to him had no kind of answer but silence. Even if Eric was walking only a few feet away from me, it felt more like I was walking alone.

 

Shortly before we got to Louis's school, I came up with the idea to mention to Eric about who we would be meeting up with. I had planned to introduce them to each other when Louis came out to meet me. While it's true Louis already knew who Eric was, he's never actually met him face to face before. So....I thought this would be a great opportunity to do just that!

 

Yes I had a few doubts try to come back again, and I was pretty certain Eric would act like he didn't even care, but I was determined to continue treating him as normally as possible.

 

So when we were almost at the school's entrance, I spoke up once again and said, "Eric, you're going to meet my little brother Louis in a few minutes. You remember seeing him around our house before, haven't you?"

 

Eric just kept on examining his shoes, but I acted as if he heard me anyway.

 

"We have to stop at his school to pick him up and he's going to walk the rest of the way home with us, okay?"

 

The silence coming from Eric lingered on. But I had hopes that somehow, someway, everything I was saying was getting through to him.

 

Finally we arrived at the school. I told Eric we needed to stop walking for a few minutes so we could wait for Louis to come out and join us. And would you believe it Dad? I think he really did understand what I was saying this time, because he stopped walking, stood there, and was still. It made me pretty proud of him to be honest.

 

I let him know we would be there for a little while, and that Louis would be coming out any minute now.

 

The schoolyard was very much alive and super noisy with all sorts of young children excitedly scampering here and there, all of them overly thrilled to be going home for the day. Many kids were loudly cheering and screaming nonstop! They seemed to be releasing their pent up energy they had most likely been holding back since school started this morning. A few of them would race past us so fast you could barely make out what they even looked like.

 

Unfortunately, I think all the noise and chaos going on was frightening Eric because he suddenly raised his head up and was nervously looking all around him like he was searching for a place to hide. His breathing became heavy and I could see the look of fear filling his eyes. I was afraid he was going to try to run away.

 

So I moved in a little closer to him so he would know I was there, and that I would protect him from any harm. I also very lightly put my hand on his arm and held it there in hopes that a gentle touch of a hand would help him to calm down and feel safe. Surprisingly, he didn't seem to mind me touching him unlike when I took his hand earlier. He didn't flinch, or try to move away from me at all this time. So I kept my hand there and talked to him for awhile using a quiet voice, letting him know that everything was going to be okay. And after a few minutes, I could tell he had become a lot more peaceful. His breathing slowed, his body was no longer tense, and he appeared to be relaxed. I decided to stay close to him as we continued to wait for Louis to come out of the building.

 

After about five minutes later, I saw Louis emerge from a crowd of other kids who had just come out of the school's front door. I raised my hand and waved at him so he could see me. He noticed me right away and came running and was quickly by my side.

 

The first thing I did was ask him how school went today. But he wouldn't answer my question. Instead he just stood there gawking at Eric with the most confused look on his face. I don't think he was expecting to be walking home with an extra person today.

 

I reached over and gave Louis a little push and guided him over till he was then standing directly in front of Eric. It was easy to see Louis was extremely startled with what I was doing because he turned to me with the weirdest expression on his face as if he was asking, "What the heck are you doing?"

 

Laughing, I happily announced, "Louis.... I want you to meet Eric!"

 

Hi eyes grew wide in total shock as he very loudly shrieked, "WHAT??"

 

He quickly came back over to me asking me to explain to him why I was wanting him to meet Eric when he's already known for awhile now who he was.

 

So I bent down, got face to face with him, and quietly pointed out that although I knew very well that he's known who Eric was since shortly after we moved in, he's never had a proper greeting with him. I also wanted Louis to understand that during the time I'm working with Eric, I was going to try very hard to treat him like a normal person as much as possible, and I thought he should too. I also made sure to tell him that more than likely Eric would show no reaction to him anyway, but it would still be a really nice thing to do if he would just go over and say "Hello."

 

I wasn't surprised when Louis started to grumble and pout under his breath a little, but I finally got him to agree and say that he would do it.

 

I put my arm around him and went along with him as he very nervously walked back up to Eric and extended his right hand in a friendly greeting.

 

I leaned close to Eric and introduced him to Louis saying, "Eric, this is my little brother Louis. He'd like to say 'Hello' to you."

 

Eric's response.......nothing!

 

Louis looked back up at me, his face indicating silent cries for help asking me, "What do I do now, Milly? Help me!!"

 

I told him it was okay, there was nothing to worry about, and that he really did great thing just then. And who knows? Probably Eric does know who Louis is by now. Maybe he wanted to say "Hello" back but just wasn't able to. There are still so many things about Eric we haven't even learned about yet.

 

As Louis turned to walk away, he leaned in close to me and whispered sarcastically, "Boy! Eric was sure happy to meet me wasn't he?"

 

I just shook my head.

 

Yes I do plan to take some time to talk with him so I can tell him about Eric's condition later. Because before I knew anything about autism, I was thinking the same way Louis was. It really does help when you learn about the disorder and how it might make a person who has it act.

 

When we were ready to go and walk the rest of the way home, I mentioned to Eric that it was time to go. But.... once again he froze and totally refused to move. This time he hadn't gone back to staring at his feet, but was looking up in the sky towards Louis's school.

 

I actually didn't think too much about it at first, since he's known to do this before, either looking upwards at the sky, or at the ceiling when he's indoors.

 

But he was keeping a steady gaze on this one particular spot above the school, and only that spot.

 

I tried to encourage him to start moving again, but he had both feet firmly in place on the ground. He was not about to go anywhere!

 

I sighed, feeling extremely annoyed as I was tired and really wanted to get home. And of course Louis was also wanting to hurry home just as much as I was. And he let me know by repeatedly yanking my arm and whining while exclaiming very loudly, "MILLLLLYYYY.......COME......OOOOONNN!!!"

 

But with Eric resisting to budge, we weren't going to be going anywhere anytime soon.

 

It was also quite embarrassing, Dad. A few of the kids passing by would look over at us as if we were weird aliens or something. And it wasn't just at me and Louis...but mainly at Eric. I know young children can often act that way to things they don't understand, but still.... it didn't make me feel good at all.

 

I tried yet again to get Eric to start moving. I even had to get a little firm with him, but nope, he was staying put!

 

Finally I decided to give up and got ready for a possible long wait there on the school's sidewalk for I don't know how long.

 

Yes Dad, though I felt bad about it, it was coming to a point where I was almost getting a little angry about the situation, but I didn't know what else to do. If I had kept on trying to get him to move, he might've gotten upset and frightened again. And I sure didn't want that to happen.

 

After a few more aggravating minutes dragged by, I was very close to being tempted to just leave Eric standing there by himself, and Louis and I would go on home.

 

But something made me immediately reject that idea.

 

Dad, I don't know why, but something made me want to go and look at Eric's eyes again.

 

Yes, you could say say it was a very unusual thing for me to do. But it was like I was having the exact same feelings that have been happening so often inside of me lately. It was as if I was literally being directed in what to do.

 

So, I went and stood close to Eric and peered into his big, beautiful, brown eyes.

 

Suddenly, I noticed that his eyes were definitely focused on something at Louis's school.

 

Now I know that Eric has gazed steadily at strange and uninteresting things before -- for instance, little spots on the ceiling, or at most times, staring at things that weren't even there. But this time, I knew something had caught his attention. And whatever it was, he seemed to be quite fascinated by it.

 

I glanced over at the school to see if I could figure out what it was. But I couldn't see anything of significance that I thought would catch Eric's concentration like it was. It just looked like a normal, ordinary school building.

 

So....I looked more closely and tried to follow the direction his eyes were centered on......

 

And then I spotted a flag. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yep! In the middle of the schoolyard, up on a high pole was an American flag.

 

But was that it? Was that really what Eric was watching so intently?

 

Looking at him again, I finally came to the conclusion that yes, that had to be it! Eric was completely captivated by the school's flag.... but why? - (5)

 

I tried my best to find out what the reason was that made Eric be so deeply drawn to a normal looking flag. I was really determined to find out what was going on.

 

I stood there and studied the flag for a few minutes, hoping I would get some sort of sign to what it could be.

 

However when Louis saw what was happening, he found it funny and decided to start making these stupid jokes that went like, "Hey Milly, maybe we should ask Eric if he's going to say the pledge!" and, "Let's watch to see if he'll put his hand up and salute!"

 

Thankfully I think he said the jokes quietly enough till I'm pretty sure Eric didn't hear anything anyway. But still, I thought making fun of Eric was a mean thing to do. In fact, I considered it quite cruel.

 

So I had to go and get very serious with Louis, and I let him know that I didn't like his jokes at all, and I asked him to please show Eric some respect.

 

Louis did quiet down after that. But I could tell he was really getting bored with having to stand there and wait on me. I think he was probably just trying to pass the time by entertaining himself. But with those kinds of jokes?

 

Sorry, but I wasn't going to allow any of it. Eric gets teased enough as is. However, I promised Louis that if he would try very hard to stay patient and wait, I would try my best to get Eric to come with us as soon as I possibly could.

 

I had only been talking with Louis for a few minutes. But when I turned back to Eric, he was still watching that flag! It was almost like he was hypnotized by it or something.

 

There was a slight breeze blowing at the time so the flag was waving back and forth in the sky. With the bright blue sky behind it, it was really beautiful as it swayed along gracefully in the air.

 

You know Dad, I've honestly never thought about it before, but taking time to just watch a flag flying in the sky like that was an amazing sight to experience. As it was slowly flowing to and fro, it looked so peaceful up there with nothing else to guide it along but the wind itself. It seemed so carefree, so quiet, and so calm as it floated high up there near the clouds.

 

Wow! Could the beauty of a flag flying in the wind be what Eric enjoyed watching?

 

As I kept looking at the flag and taking it all in, I found myself commenting out loud to Eric about how beautiful I thought it was. I told him how it looked so calm and free up there in the sky as if it were really flying. And I even said how truly amazing it was that a gentle wind could make something like a flag become such a wondrous thing to watch. I also mentioned that I myself would love to be able to float around in the sky so peacefully like that. It would actually be a dream come true!

 

I stood there and watched the flag for a little while longer. As it was moving along in the breeze, I started thinking about how many other things like this we could've missed discovering in our lives, -- the kind of things we might just pass right on by without noticing something God has created for us to enjoy the beauty of.

 

So.... there I was, letting it all soak in for a few minutes....

 

And then I turned back to Eric.

 

Dad... this time Eric was no longer looking at the flag, but... at me. He was looking straight into my eyes. And it was in a way he has never looked at me before.

 

There was no expression on his face, no smile or anything.... but his eyes were showing life in them again.

 

For just a short moment, it honestly made me believe he might finally say something to me..... but he didn't.

 

Oh I wanted so badly to know what was going through his mind right then, Dad! Was it something about the flag? Or maybe what I said?

 

I reached out and lightly placed my hand on his shoulder. I got face to face with him and seriously asked him, "Eric.... did you hear the last few things I said?"

 

He didn't answer, but his eyes remained completely focused into mine.

 

"You understood everything I said to you, didn't you Eric? I just know you did!"

 

And there it was again. That same sparkle I've seen show in his eyes a few times before. That little glimmer of hope that lets me know I was actually getting through.

 

No, he didn't speak, smile, nod his head or anything. But his eyes were showing actual happiness, while just a short time earlier, they were completely blank and distant, his soul so far away.

 

But seeing him then, it was like he had come back to me.

 

I felt like I was going to burst with joy that this was happening! It was wonderful!! I didn't feel invisible to him anymore!

 

Oh Dad, I wish there was a way you could've seen him like I did! His eyes were just so... so mesmerizing, I didn't want that special moment between us to end. I was feeling myself being strongly drawn to him once again, and those warm and joyful feelings I'd been having inside of me were still there!

 

But... I knew it was getting late in the afternoon, and Louis was getting even more annoyed with me at having to stand there and wait so long. But even though I wanted that experience I was having with Eric to go on longer, I thought we really should be starting back on our walk home.

 

I gave Eric a smile, and very nicely asked him, "Eric... would you like to come with me and Louis? We're going to go on home now, okay?"

 

Dad, I'm absolutely sure Eric clearly knew what I said and was ready to go because he then turned and began walking down the sidewalk.

 

Now Louis was certainly relieved. With no hesitation, he shouted, "FINALLY!!" at the top of his lungs, and happily sprinted out in front of Eric and me.

 

I got beside of Eric and walked along next to him. I don't know if he had heard Louis's crazy outcry, but without even thinking about it, I laughed and said to him, "Brothers! They can really get on your nerves can't they?"

 

As I expected, I didn't get any type of reply back, but I didn't care. Just having Eric looking at me again in that special way was mostly all that was on my mind, and it was the only thing that mattered at the time.

 

For the rest of the way home, Eric kept his attention on me for almost the entire time. And what's even better, I caught him closely observing everything I did...AND, he actually began trying to imitate the way I was walking!

 

If you happen to be wondering Dad, every once in awhile I would make a goofy face at him. And YES! He would copy that very same face! There was no way I was going to resist the chance to have a little more fun with him again while he was out of his shell and alert to what I was doing.

 

One time I even burst out laughing at him as I said, "Eric! I like you! You are so funny!"

 

No he didn't laugh, or smile or anything. He never showed any kind of expression on his face, (other than when he imitated the expressions I was making.) And I seriously doubt he realized I was seeing him as being funny. To him, he was just watching and copying everything I did.

 

But in all seriousness, it felt REALLY good being silly with him, Dad. You know, sometimes you just have to let yourself do crazy and foolish things, and then laugh at yourself. I believe it can do your heart a lot of good to laugh and have a little fun once in awhile, no matter what age you are!

 

When we reached our house, Louis quickly raced to the front porch without even saying a word to me. However, I stayed behind for a few minutes so I could say "Goodbye" to Eric.

 

I showed him that we were back at his house and pointed out how we had walked all the way from school together, and everything turned out fine. Now I couldn't tell if he fully caught on that he had done something completely new today from his usual routine he had been doing with Mrs. Sherman, but I truly believe he was happy to be back at his home.

 

I walked with him over to his house and up to the steps of his porch. I told him I would see him in the morning, and he could walk to school with me and Louis again. Next I kindly explained I needed to leave so I could go start dinner and do my homework. But all he did was stand there and stare at me.

 

There was nothing else I could do really, so I said "Goodbye" to him and walked across the yard back to my house. I took a quick glance back and saw that he was still there watching me.

 

He went on watching me until I got to the steps that leads to our front door. But by the time I got inside the house, I could no longer see him anywhere.

 

As I set my books down on the kitchen table, I thought about this interesting day I just had. I couldn't help but wonder what tomorrow will be like when I actually begin working with him. I guess we'll see what happens.

 

Mom got home from work at about six-thirty tonight, just in time to eat which turned out really nicely. And guess what Dad? I think both Mom and Louis are beginning to like my cooking now. Well at least I didn't see them retching or gagging at anything they put in their mouth which is a huge plus for me!

 

I got to talk with Mom for a little while earlier tonight about the chat I had with Mrs. Sherman. I shared some of the information she gave me which she seemed to be very interested in. There were several things she didn't know about autism that I was able to tell her about.

 

I also told her how Eric walked home with me and Louis. She thought the part about Eric and the school's flag was really remarkable, and she acted pretty intrigued about my experience.

 

She wanted to know if I thought the way Eric looked at the flag meant anything. I just said I wasn't sure, but there was definitely something about it that must be very important to him.

 

Ahhh.... the mystery of Eric Gibb lingers on!

 

Well Dad, as usual I need to end this letter and finish my homework since it's almost midnight. Tomorrow is going to be yet another big day for me you know, and my first day with Eric is only a few hours away.

 

I'm having all different kinds of feelings about it now.... some excitement, some anxiety, and every once in awhile another stupid doubt will try to show it's ugly face again. But I remind myself that Mrs. Sherman is praying for me and God is always on my side.

 

This is just the beginning of a big adventure for me. So I'm going to hope and believe for nothing but the best!

 

Anyway, I'll be sure to write and let you know how it goes with Eric tomorrow, okay Dad?

 

But for now, homework is calling my name.... and unfortunately it won't shut up!!!!

 

So until then, goodnight Daddy!

 

Love you! --

 

Milly

 

 

FOOTNOTES: By Lynn McFall --

(1) I do want to mention that everything in this chapter was not in the movie. Mainly for this chapter I wanted to bring out the disorder of autism and how it might affect someone who has it. In the movie, the word "autistic" is said only once. But I wanted to work it a little bit more into this story and have some of the characters talk about it.

 

I learned that Nick Castle, (writer/director of "The Boy Who Could Fly") did plan to have autism be the problem Eric has. Also, I thought some people reading this story might learn a few things about autism if they didn't know too much about it already. (Just like I did. I learned so much about autism when I started writing this story. Like Milly in this story, I didn't know very much about autism at all.)

 

I did do a lot of online research using several different websites about autism, so I hopefully wouldn't write anything that could be incorrect. But I do know there could be things I wrote about that might not be exactly correct since I too am not that educated about autism at all. (And sometimes websites can't always be 100% trustworthy with information.) So if anyone who is an expert in this area and sees something that might not be right, do forgive. But I read up on it for a long time and I went to various websites and I tried to make everything as accurate as possible. And as you read about it in this chapter, I wrote about Eric showing a few more signs of autism more than the movie did. For example -- not wanting to be touched, and feeling anxious when his daily routine might be changed.

 

The main two websites I did most of my research on were:

 

http:www.autismspeaks.org and

 

(2) I also wanted to bring out more of what Uncle Hugo might have been like more than the movie did. I came up with a few ideas on my own of some of the problems he could have had that can cause difficulty in raising Eric.

 

One interesting thing about this though, in the movie, Eric and Uncle Hugo are NEVER shown doing a scene together, at all. Except in the one scene where Eric walked by him in the scene with him in the straight jacket. One other scene near the end of the movie shows this also. But other than that, the movie never showed Eric and Uncle Hugo together. (I thought this was very interesting.) And this is one of the reasons I wanted to write about Eric and Uncle Hugo having a struggle in their relationship as family members in this story.

 

(3) Bible Verse: 1 Thess. 5:17 - "Pray without ceasing." and Romans 12:12 - "Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer...."

 

One thing I want to add, like Milly, the faith of Mrs. Sherman is never revealed in the movie - (of course) :0) However, since I put this story "Milly's Journal" in the "fan fiction" category, and this being a Christian fan fiction story, I came up with the idea for Mrs. Sherman to have a faith in God. Mostly so Milly can have someone who shares her faith to help her along with certain things -- encouraging her, praying for her and with her, etc. I'm still trying to not have the Christian faith to be too heavy throughout the story so I won't upset or offend anyone who may not have the same faith, but want to read this story. And there are certain things about God I feel in my heart that I want to include in this story. So this is another reason to why I write some of the things I do.

 

(4) To be really honest, at first I really didn't want to bring the actual Bible itself into this story just yet. But I got a very interesting idea that deals with the Bible that I later plan to have at the end of this story. It's just something very exciting that will happen, and I hadn't even planned on including the Bible until I had an idea that popped into my head out of the blue. So in this chapter, I thought that bringing the subject of the Bible and Milly reading it again would kind of be like a little hint of what's to come much later when the story is about to end. I can't give anything away yet. But if you are wondering, this is the reason I had Mrs. Sherman ask Milly about the Bible in this chapter. By the way, I can't wait to get to the end of the story to reveal what the part about the Bible is going to be! I'm so excited about it I'm about to burst!!!!! ;0)

 

(5) During Milly's walk home, I wanted to think of something Eric could see that would catch his full attention. And the only thing I could think of that would work is a flag flying in the wind. So I'm hoping those of you reading this chapter will find that part interesting.

 

Also, though Milly didn't catch on to what was really happening, it was actually a hint to her of what the key might be that is going to help Eric. Those of you who have seen the movie probably already knows what this is referring to. But I wanted Milly to try to figure out what was so special about a flag and why Eric seemed to be so interested in it.

 

One last note: In this chapter, I had Milly encourage Louis to go up to talk to Eric and introduce himself. But in the movie, Louis is never seen doing something like this or even talking to Eric. Also, all of the other characters never really have any scenes with him either. The only character Eric interacts with in the movie is Milly, and no one else but her. Even though Mrs. Sherman in the beginning of the movie was said to be his caretaker and worked with him, not once in the movie did it show Mrs. Sherman with Eric or doing any scenes with him at all. Kind of interesting isn't it? At least I thought so. :0) (One scene shows Mrs. Sherman stopping Eric from going into the classroom, but other than that, I don't think they are ever shown in a scene together.)

Author's Note

As in my last chapters, if anyone happens to be reading this, all reviews are welcome, good or bad. If any are bad, don't be too hard on me. LOL!