I never Knew

Why Me? Myra is a happy, young girl in peaceful, sunny Florida. When she picks up sister, she might as well just sign her Death Certificate.

I never Knew

     I never knew it would end like this. A perfect, sunny day for others but a dreary one for me. Fear sent me to the ground.  I heard Sam say my name. He sounded so distant. I just wanted to hold and caress his voice. He was my only best friend. Everything happened so fast. The last thing I heard was a gunshot.

     A typical hot afternoon with nothing to do but wipe your brow and stare at the horizon. It was so hot, that even wearing a simple shirt was unbearable! I sat in the silenced shade under the Willow Tree that I would have liked to call mine. I slept the afternoon away, dreaming about my future. Little did I know that destiny wasn't planning one for me.

     The next morning felt like a day for me, like nothing in the world could stop me from going on. It felt... peculiar.

putting on my zebra print dress, I hurried down the stairs, grabbed a slice a toast, and nearly fell backwards!
     Right there on my porch steps, was my best friend, Sam.

     "What a surprise!" I said.

      "Are you okay?" He replied.

     "Yeah!" I lied. I actually hit the back of my head as I fell backwards. I winced as a bump formed on top of my head.

Looking at me, he said, "Sorry."     

     I grabbed an apple and butter knife and hid them underneath my dress. We walked to the Willow Tree and sat in the shade, listening to the crickets in their harmonious song. I grabbed the apple and butter knife, then split it in half. I gave a half to Sam. We ate in silence. This was unusual for both of us. We loved to talk. It was in our nature. But, somehow it just didn't feel right talking. Sam seemed to sense this as well.

     The next day, Sam and I went to go pick up my sister. We must have went into the wrong school because their were kids a little big for first grade. I looked into the center of the hall way and froze. This was probably my worst nightmare. There in the center of the hallway were two black figures, both of their guns trained on us. The robbers grabbed one child and had the gun focused on his temple. Sam pushed the guy out of the way, while I shoved the child to a teacher. Everything went haywire! Teachers and students rushed out to the exit doors. Soon police came. Sam rushed out after them. The doors were locked, but what they didn't know is that I was still inside.

      I knew I was supposed to be like, "as long as everyone is okay, I'm okay", but I deserved a long life. Why me? I didn't leave any regrets behind. I heard the gun lock into place. I stared at it. It was a deadly but at the same time a beautiful instrument that determines life or death, breath or no breath, and the antagonist and protagonist. The gun poised into place found me. I looked at the corner and there was Sam, looking with dread and fear in his eyes. He was beating against the window calling out my name. I'm sorry Sam, I'm sorry Willow tree, I'm sorry for everything that I couldn't have done. Nobody will cry when I die, instead they will rejoice because an ending always has it's beginning.

Author's Note

If you have any problems or advice, let me know! Also, tell me how you think of the story. Please review and rate!

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

I like the ending of this in particular, the imagery of Sam banging on the glass. All in all, this needs a bit of copy-editing, double-check your punctuation and syntax, and word choice. Word choice in particular, not from using the wrong words, but using words when they don't actually improve a sentence; see if you can't use punctuation to either flow or abruptly halt the flow of an idea rather than relying too much on transitional words and article. This is, for lack of a better way for me to describe it, trying too hard; some of the metaphors feel forced, which in turn can make the writing feel contrived. And repeatedly 'spoiling' the end with lines such as "Destiny wasn't planning one for me." makes the writing feel melodramatic; a well placed decisive blow to the heart will leave more impact than weakly built ones repeatedly thrown. I am not saying that it is too wordy, that is part of the style after all. (I have had people complain that some of my stories were too wordy after all; but it was the style I was trying to use on those particular pieces. So I do actually appreciate the poetic prose you are crafting here.) Rather, the overuse of metaphors, especially those which have too much in common or try to 'tell the reader how they should feel', can actually harm the atmosphere of a story because it makes it so your BRILLIANT metaphors don't shine through as much. It may sound absurd, telling you that you would do best to neuter parts of your own writing, but writing short stories is really about balance, and too much or too little can be a problem (it can be difficult to build this). This has potential, and I would like to see more short stories from you! This is good for a first attempt (or at least your only one on here). Only experience will help you find balance in your writing, and to naturally form and evolve your voice without trying to force it. Let me know if you want any advice on further stories; I am by no means an expert, but I have gained a fair bit of experience on the subject.

[yuki]

wow that has a a lot of various emotions I like it

[For Who I Am]

Thanks! I really put a lot of effort into this! I wanted to change this up a bit because I wanted a twist

[Sam]

This is interesting, I liked how you did the ending

[For Who I Am]

This was supposed to be an essay for my teacher but I wanted other people to see how it was. It's just something of a thought. I pick stuff up here and there but I add my own element into it. Thanks soooo much for reviewing!

[Totoro-Sama]

1. "The next day, Sam and I went to go pick up my sister. We must have went into the wrong school because their were kids a little big for first grade" - "their" should be "there" in paragraph 6.

I ... held on to every word.
This is an amazing piece!
A few commas are needed in different places ...
but by the end of the story, you took my breath away.

Oh my God. Poor Sam. S**T, I'm crying.
Now I'm gonna cry myself to sleep ;w;
I lied about reading this tomorrow xD
Great Story.

Is this an experience or something of a thought?