The Tale of The Flowers

Comedy Musical, Not Finished

ACT 1 Scene 1

The Scene opens up to a flower shop called Gary’s Garden. Gary is watering the flowers in a dimly lit setting as the sun rises up into the sky. The door sits at the front of the shop and a sign that reads, “We take care of the flowers, not the pricks.” Gary starts off with his first musical number:

GARY

Red rose,

Won’t you tell me your secrets?

Red Rose,

I know that I can keep it

 

Tell me the stories of lust and love

Shove me over the edge

 

Daisy

You bring out the sunniest day

Daisy

You’re always showing me the way

 

The first sign of spring is you

You are lovely in bloom

 

Violet

You show the good in the world

Violet

How I love to see you unfurl

 

You are the body of innocence

In a sense, beautiful

 

The flowers are blooming

It is all consuming, me

Into the spring

Let me take wing, please

 

End scene 1.

 

 

Scene 2

 

Gary is still watering the flowers when the bell on top of the door jingles.  It’s Gary’s friend from high school, Penny.  Her face is covered in a white powder that is dripping down her face. In the background the flowers are people dressed in costume.

 

GARY. Hey Penny, how are you today?

 

PENNY. Terrible I was just with my boyfriend.

 

GARY. I can tell by the looks of your face. You probably should have cleaned that up a bit.

 

PENNY. What? Oh god no! It’s not that! My boyfriend got me a flower and practically rammed it in my face.

 

GARY. Is that all he rammed?

 

PENNY. ha ha, very funny Gary. Anyway how do I get this stuff off?

 

GARY. Put some spit on it and rub it off, actually, now that I think about it. That’s probably how this incident occurred in the first place.

 

PENNY. Gary, enough with the sexual innuendos.

 

GARY. In YOUR endo

 

(Penny glares down Gary)

 

GARY. Okay okay I get it. Something’s wrong. Take a seat and I’ll help you out

 

(Gary pulls a rag out of his pocket and wipes the plant spores off Penny’s face, then hands her a rose).

 

PENNY. Well, the problem is. Is that. I don’t know if Johnny is right for me anymore. He’s changed recently. He no longer wants to hold me, feel me

 

GARY. Well who would!...kidding, I don’t know what is wrong with him. You’d have to be crazy to not want you

 

PENNY. Well…what about you? (Penny takes Gary’s hand and brings it to her chest). Can you feel my heart beat?

 

GARY. Oh I feel something, but I don’t think its your heart

 

PENNY. Oh you’re the same as Johnny! Here take these tickets to this dumb Medieval Times show. He wanted me to go see and all his ‘epicness’ bah!

 

(Penny storms out of the flower shop).

 

GARY. I guess she just doesn’t understand. Heh, I don’t think anyone understands.

 

 

The flowers sing the parts in parenthesis

 

GARY

Adam and Eve

They get along

Like college kids

And their adderol

 

Mom’s been telling me

To get a gal

but all I want

is a man to rail

 

Why can’t they see

I wanna be

(With a man, a man with muscles)

I want someone rough

Someone tough

(To hold me, to touch me)

 

I don’t want just any shlong

I want one that’s firm and long

A dick that is able to hit the floor

Maybe just one, or maybe four

 

(The way he talks)

(The way he walks)

(says he likes….boys)

 

The boats go in and out of the dock

That’s what I want with a c**k

A man with a meat-filled tube

And possibly a bottle filled with lube

 

(We are flowas)

(He wants a phallus)

(…he’s gay)

 

End scene 2

 

 

 

Scene 3

 

The scene opens up with Gary entering a bank. The teller is a man by the name of Rork. Gary knows him as a relatively good friend and is sitting at a desk doing paperwork. The room is dimly lit with a few tellers in the dark in the background.

 

RORK. How do you do?

 

GARY. Ah not too bad Rork. I’ve got a bit of a thorn in my side though.

 

RORK. Oh really, care to tell me about it?

 

GARY. Well actually I have a literal thorn in my side

 

(Gary yanks a thorn rose out of the side of his shirt)

 

GARY. I have been having a few other troubles too though.

 

RORK. Woman troubles?

 

GARY. Yeah, something like that.

 

RORK. Does she smell?

 

GARY. What?

 

RORK. Oh, you know,  if she smells like fish she should probably get checked out.

 

GARY. No no no, Its not that she smells

 

Rork. Well you should probably watch out for funny bumps and odd colorings as well. Women problems always become worse when there are disease involved

 

(Rork leans in close to whisper in Gary’s ear)

 

RORK. They’ll try to blame it on you.

 

GARY. I’m guessing this has happened to you more than once

 

RORK. Ha, yea. Let me tell you

 

RORK

Girls act sweet

Like milk and honey

But what they really want

Is your money

 

They’ll sell their bodies

And partake in tomfoolery

But what they really want

Is golden jewelry

 

GARY

Girls are cheats

They are really mean?

But what they really want

Is all of your green?

 

RORK. Hey, now you’re getting it!

 

BOTH

Girls tend to have loose hinges

Held on their back doors

A little oil and grease

And they’ll be on all fours

 

They can show you something

If you’re that kind of guy

But you’ll lose your dignity

And can tell your cash goodbye

 

(Enter woman in the background going up to one of the other tellers. She is attempting to be seductive)

RORK

Now here’s a woman you’ve been looking for

One who knows how to move

But when she’s through with you

She’ll leave you and your balls feeling blue