The Smog

The Smog

A Chapter by Jennifer

Years of abuse and medication.


     If you tell someone something for a while, they begin to believe it. I was told something was wrong with me by every single teacher and my parents. I was under the wrong impression of myself and this created a barrier.

    Teachers claimed that I had a learning disability. Eventually, I began to believe it. I was on medication for some reason. I was in special education for some reason. I believed that I could not comprehend anything. I believed that I could not understand tests or training.

     When I was training at a job and had to take a test I got flustered. I was reluctant to continue education because I feared tests and math. I did not understand how to behave.

      I was isolated so much in school and I only learned that inappropriate behaviour was okay. I had a hard time making and keeping friends. I never went out to socialize nor do I have the courage to do so. I spent about 10 years by myself.

     When I was invited somewhere by a new friend, I faced anxiety. I would start to cry and want to leave immediatley. Same story when I did go out alone. I was always by myself. Solitary, just like in school. I eventually made friends and it was not exactly the right crowd.

     I befriended a bunch of gossipy drama queens. They were nice to you in person and spoke behind your back as though you would never hear what they were talking about. That friendship lasted for about a year. I did not get along with them and eventually I treated them the same way they were treating me. They got mad at me for it when I should have been the one mad at them. After that, I found it more challenging to socialize. Even people I know are good do not hear from me.

     I had employers who were irritated with my behaviour and thankfully they never knew my educational history. If something was not working, I had a tantrum. I hated the ice and ticket machine at the theater because they were always malfunctioning. I shouted if the system was down at a call center.

     My mind was clouded with rhetorical devices that I could not get rid of. I thought I could not do anything. I did not understand anything.

     There was a story I read in school about a boy from the jungle. I think I saw something like it in Tarazan, but this ended a little differently. A boy was discovered in a jungle by a couple of explorers. The boy has never had any contact with anyone else. He has never seen civilization nor understood how humans communicated. The explorers decided to bring him to the city. The boy could not understand how to communicate with anyone. Communication is how we survive. Needless to say, the boy died.

     Perhaps I died inside because I never socialized like anyone else did. When I was close to 30 years old, I decided to make some changes in my life. Because of my cloudy education and sheltered life, I was manipulated to the point that I was experiencing what the rest of society was experiencing.

     I went on a house hunt after adopting a dog. I bought a house sometime in 2008 in a town that does not have any employment opportunities. Around that time, I was looking at education that may interest me. I was interested in making movies and I thought my job was stable. The housing market crashed. The employment situation got worse because companies base everything off of sales. I ended up losing my job because I could not prevent anyone from closing their accounts.

     As the world was freaking out, I was grabbing any available job. The only job available in Idaho is a call center. I ended up at a job that pays for education. A speaker, who I went to school with, was representing University of Phoenix. I was just merely looking. I discovered plenty. I discovered much more about myself to clear the smog in my mind. I learned about the negative side effect of a poor economy. I learned that giving University of Phoenix your telephone number is a huge mistake if you are simply looking.


© 2013 Jennifer

My Review

Would you like to review this Chapter?
Login | Register

Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Added on June 6, 2013
Last Updated on June 6, 2013




I hail from the small village of Emmett, Idaho. I currently live in Boise. I have been writing stories since the first grade and have randomly published stories in the Emmett Newspaper, some collectio.. more..

Chapter One Chapter One

A Chapter by Jennifer

Chapter Two Chapter Two

A Chapter by Jennifer