A World Without Love

Things to never say to a mending heart.

     You cannot tell someone to not love. Just like hatred, it's an emotion that cannot be shut off. Why do we live in a world where people say do not love, but do not tell others not to hate? People say that we do not understand what love is. How do we understand what hate is?

     I loved Ahmed. I loved him and his culture. I find it strange that nobody finds this important. The only thing he ever told me was to not fall in love with him. He didn't know where he was going to be after he graduated from college. Does anyone know where they are going after college? Does anyone know what they are going to be while they are going to college?

     At least let me die one day knowing that someone actually cared enough to be my boyfriend. Can't I at least have this much? I already knew what the situation was and he kept on repeating this same lecture time and time again as though I did not get the point. How can you tell someone to not have any type of emotion? I have lived my whole life understanding that I cannot have any emotion while everyone else can. I am a human and I have feelings to.

     He asked me what the big deal was. I kept telling him that I did not want to die thinking that all men wanted to do was use me. I didn't want to continue to look for anyone. I was getting too old. I was pretty much past the age where if I would get pregnant, it would be life threatening to me and the infant. I was done looking and I told him that he was going to be the last man I would ever be with. No more dating anyone after he leaves. I was sick of it.

     Josh ran away to Arkansas and never came back. In fact, he got married and was already having his first child as soon as he got there. Paul married the neighbor across the street a month after I kicked him out of my house. He practically ruined my life and my house. Joel hid the fact that he was married and is still married.

     I loved Ahmed and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to deter this. I never understood why nobody wants to date me. What in the hell happened to society where people just want to sleep around? I never understood why I absolutely could not have a boyfriend. How come nobody takes me with them? How come nobody helps me get out of here?